Bit of a rant here: I'm normally an excellent student in school, but lately my grades have been dropping. I've always been a high honors student (3.8 GPA) but I just checked my weekly progress report and I have B's in half of my classes. (Yes I realize for some that B's are amazing but my dad will kill me if I have anything lower than an A- at the end of the quarter.) Most of it is because I've been so confused about my sexuality and stressed about coming out that I'm not sleeping, dazing off in class, and forgetting about homework. I'm in such a rut and I feel like school's never going to pay off in the long run. I just don't have any mojo at this point. My school's GSA isn't accessible and I know I could talk to my guidance counselor but 1) I don't have free time during the school day 2) I suck at the whole saying I'm gay and talking about my feelings thing and 3) I kinda think my guidance counselor is really pretty. Like crushable pretty. I just feel stuck.
What stresses you out about coming out? It may be more important to you than it is to me, so I'm not attempting to judge you. But you shouldn't let it keep you from sleeping, at the very least. I was also a very good student, but the thing that bit me the most was the homework. You can't forget about it. Dedicate a notebook specifically for writing down assignments if you have to. You can ace tests all day long and if you forget homework, you're dead. X.X That said though, school does pay off. The higher up you get in education, the more you wish you understood from the lower levels, because each grade builds on the last. You'll never get a degree in physics or engineering without knowing that force=mass*acceleration, and the same goes for any subject. If you expect to be useful in society, you've got to start at the most basic stuff. Stay strong. At least this site is good for both school help and coming out help, so you've got that going for you.
I agree with RSwordsman, except on the "If you expect to be useful in society, you've got to start at the most basic stuff." There are lot of ways you can be useful in society without having a degree. I started realizing I was bi at the beginning of this school year, and my grades suffered a bit. Try not to stress about coming out. Unless it's your partner, it's no one's business who you like. It can be hard to focus on anything when you're so confused about your sexuality. Talking to my mom helped and eased a lot of stress. Do you have any close friends or family you can talk to about this?
Thank you both so much for your support! RSwordsman, the main stress for coming out is that I can't tell anyone at school before telling my sister and best friend's mom. Plus, once I come out of school, it's going to be wildfire (a kid in my grade sorta came out last month and it became this whole drama where everyone knew in under two classes. My school has 200 students so everyone knows everything.) plus I have the fear of isolation, homophobia, and locker room harrassment. And the sleeping issue is more because I can generally only log into EC really late at night and then I have to go through and delete my history because my dad stalks my electronics usage. I'm probably going to force myself to meet with my guidance counselor. I want to come out so badly, I just don't feel emotionally or mentally prepared.
What browser do you use? For Firefox, you can just go into history, then show all history. From there you can right click any site and say "forget about this site". You can also click "clear all history" and choose to clear all the cookies, site preferences, cache, logins, etc. from the past day, or just from the past few hours. Deleting history is so easy with Firefox. You said the GSA club isn't accessible. Does the club have an advisor that IS accessible sometime during the day? If so, you could talk to them about what you're going through.
I didn't say one needs a degree to be useful-- I meant that if you want to be good enough at anything to collect money for doing it, you need to know the fundamentals first. Let's say somebody wants to be a plumber. Very useful and respected job; nobody can deny it. But before you go installing water heaters, you need to know how to use a ruler. <<That sort of thing. EDIT: Just saw your reply OP. On Firefox at least, you can enable Private Browsing-- it doesn't remember visited sites, cookies, anything. Total incognito mode. When you're done, just close the window, and everything you did in that session is gone.
Ahh, gotcha. Sorry for the confusion! Private browsing sounds like it'd be perfect for the OP. I didn't know that Firefox could do that.
Actually, I'm pretty annoyed about grades right now; I have 2 Bs and one them is a B-. Okay, you're on the northern East Coast, which is a generally liberal area. Good. That should work in your favor. Why are you nervous about seeing the counselor, though?As for your internet situation, try using your school's computer lab(or some library library computers, if applicable). It might allow you access to EC. If that doesn't work, try using a local library. I think your area has pretty good public transportation, but I don't know squat about your neighborhood. If you have problems with focusing, though, I'm a bad person to ask. My work ethic is almost nonexistent.
I guess I'm scared to talk to my guidance counselor because I don't like saying the words "I'm gay." I'm very introverted and never let my guard down; if someone sees me cry I get flustered. So saying that and letting my guard down and talking about how I'm feeling is new to me. Completely and utterly brand new. And to talk about how I'm feeling for once terrifies me because I'm scared that I won't be able to stop talking or crying. I'm scared of having someone care for me again. A few years back I developed globus and a sorbitol allergy. During that time I saw so many doctors and therapists and even a hypnotist that I sorta grew resistant to talking about my issues because I felt like there was too much wrong with me. I know there's not supposed to be anything wrong with being gay, but it's one more thing to isolate me from everyone else. That might not be coherent, but that's the way my anxietal mind works.
The one that struck me is that the guidance counselor is "crushable" pretty. I know I would have a problem with a therapist or counselor I found attractive from the get-go, so I haven't ever had one like that and feel better for it. Are there other guidance counselors you can ask for at your school? Ok, so you're 14, meaning there is time to mend the grades. For me, a few terms of lower grades meant depression or some major form of drama at home. At other times, my grades were very good. It signals a lack of motivation and concentration, to me, largely because something else is blocking your motivation and concentration. It sounds like your orientation is occupying some of your mental processes. You've taken some huge steps. Huge. Your mom and best friend know, along with one teacher. If your mom is an ally, then you have a shoulder to lean on. In essence you've come out to a great extent. For many people here, their parents don't know and they are postponing it until after high school, after college, upon reaching a specific age, after somebody dies, or when they die ... or the world ends, whichever comes first. I would talk to your mom about things more, if you can, and hopefully get reassurance that you are supported and then get back to focusing. I felt robbed those few terms my grades dipped, and I don't like seeing that happen to anyone else who is otherwise bright.
