Hey guys, This post isn't so much a question, rather, a venting space for me. Basically I haven't really expressed this to anyone, but I feel like a doormat. I feel constantly used and metaphorically trampled on. I feel though I have no one else to blame but myself. You see, I constantly feel I have to make people happy and I barely am able to show discontent or reply with a 'no' to anyone, in fear that I'll be perceived as a bad person. I feel that people take advantage of my good nature. First, for example, in class if I talk too loud, teachers will make a big fuss and tell me off, knowing that I won't refute them even if I had a good reason to. This saddens me because they tell off generally quiet 'ol me when they cant even discipline those people who are consistently breaking the rules. Second, I can't say no to people asking help for school assignments. Sometimes it's just so stressful and I don't have time to help, but if verbalise this to them, they're going to make it feel like I'm responsible for their education and my lack of help is going to hinder their chances of a decent mark. Third, because I'm in this 'good boy shell' I feel that I have to maintain a facade of optimism, indifferent to negativity, and basically expected to never show anger. My cousin bullies me often and all of my aunties and uncles have tolerated it regardless of the fact I never did, obviously, and tried in the nicest way possible to express it. However one time I couldn't take it and I shouted. The rest of my older cousins disciplined me for doing so and no one supported me. The list is endless, but just to summarise, I feel like I was born to be a selfless person. Born to say yes to everyone. Born to not show any other emotion but happiness. This facade is a ticking timebomb, and I'm worried that it will backlash on me if I just can't take it anymore. As I said, it's partly my fault for being this way, and sometimes I wish that I could be less empathetic and show my true feelings... Is anyone in a similar situation to me?
I used to be like you since my childhood. It took me years to change and I can still remember a lot of my 'nos' because it meant so much to say them. The funny thing is, once you refuse to do something you don't want to do, you will learn that it is not that hard. And you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Maybe look up some reading about building confidence? You need to take care of yourself too.
