As many of you know, when I first came out as transgender over two months ago, my parents didn't take it well. Got to the point where I was banned from binding and presenting male, had my phone seized, and was cut off from most of my off-line support. My father died over two weeks ago. Yesterday, my mother seized my phone once again. I'd been spending what she saw as too much time upstairs alone, confronted me. Over two conversations, she told me I was basically full of shit, I'm killing her daughter, and I'm probably mentally ill. Normal people "don't feel this way", my support group (all she knows about, she thankfully has no idea I'm on here) are a load of charlatans for convincing me I'm trans, trans people are only how they are because of factors such as prenatal drug usuage and only if they were "obviously trans" as children do they "deserve to go through with it". Moreso, she refuses to support me. Called an advisor (who's a transguy too), a heshe and "through your conversations, I don't know if it wanted to be a man to a woman or a woman to a man or what". People are "their biology and genetics- you can't change what you're born- it's all science." Oh. And she fucking slapped me. Said she wishes she could slap this out of me. So...Phone's gone, mother's on the attack, family's still grieving. What do I do?
That environment is not doing anyone any good as things stand so I'd look into staying with a supportive friend or relative for a while.
Problem is, at the moment I don't have that. Nothing for over a couple days at least. I'm working towards finding a job and an apartment but I'm not having much luck, have no money saved.
If only there were some way you could convince her that this is a feeling coming from inside, and you need support because of it, not hate. It's a parent's job to love their child unconditionally... Anyway, I agree with GeeLee. You should probably look into the option of staying somewhere else for a little while.
Nothing I say seems to convince her. Everything I can possibly say in my defense, whether it's "not everyone knows from a young age", "I'm still your child", "I'm being authentic to who I am" is construed as propaganda and lies. She won't listen and I've given up trying. I thought I had places to go but I'll have nothing permanent, no family close enough to live with. :\
If you haven't already done so try to find a way to continue going to your support group, even if it's on the quiet.
Would if I could- I don't have easy access to transportation. No license. Got a bus stop about a mile away from my house but difficult if I don't have a pretense to go anywhere. College has a GSA but can't attend because of how my transportation has to work out. Online is the only way I have support and right now, I can only access it through an iPod touch and school computers.
It's not the nicest thing in the world to do, but it may have to come to this. I don't think I'm outside my bounds to say that if you can't transition, your life is going to be hell. You mum says YOU are killing her daughter? If you can't go through this and be you, she may have killed her daughter by herself. My mum of all people, who really didn't take this well when I first told her, told me that when I was going to tell my grandparents. Ask them if they can imagine life without 'me' in it, and tell them that if they can't accept it and love me for who I am that is their reality, because either you'll have to cut them out, or worse, you may wind up ending it yourself. As I say its horrible, but desperate times and all that. (*hug*) As the others have said, even if you can only stay with someone for a couple of days it's better than sticking around. You're 18, she has no right to take your phone and ban you from doing things in your own time...
I think you said once that Oregon had laws protecting Transgender people? Could any of those laws help you now? This is a really unsafe environment to be in...I wish there was some other place you could stay close by.
Thanks everyone so far. The thing is, without my dad, I've lost the one person who could buffer between my mom and I. Honestly worried about my mom- lot of things she's admitted to (like suicidal thoughts). I'm looking into options. I'm getting in contact with a domestic abuse organization should things get worse. My grandmother has offered me a room at her place but she doesn't know the whole story- but knows I'm trans and mom doesn't approve.
Are there any LGBT organizations in your area? If there are, I would get in contact with them as well and see if there is anything that they can do to help you.
Besides the group I was involved with, haven't found much. Closest organizations are based in another city. Got in contact with one, offered to help search for sliding scale therapy, but haven't since.
