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Feeling really down...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by noahb1996, Nov 18, 2013.

  1. noahb1996

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So there's a boy at my school that I like. We have class together. I don't know if he's gay but it seems quite possible. He dresses flamboyantly and some of the sexual jokes he makes can often be centered around gay sex (but that doesn't necessarily mean anything). However, if he is gay, he is in the closet. Sometimes if we're making gay sexual jokes (yes we're perverted I know) he will say something like "this is so wrong" or "that's really gay", but kind of jokingly. He's never really had a girlfriend or flirted with girls (as far as I know), but he has some friends who are girls. He doesn't know I'm into guys. Recently, he has gotten really depressed and got a therapist. I think it might be because he is in the closet, but I could be totally wrong. I don't think he really likes me, so I try and give him some space. For example, he wasn't at school today so I texted him and asked him why and he wouldn't tell me, so I said what you don't trust me? and he said he doesn't trust anyone. The problem is, I have a HUGE crush on him. I've never felt this way about anyone ever before. I can't stop thinking about him. I feel shaky when I sit next to him. Every time I see him I feel really happy, and when he leaves I feel bad. And he's sooooo attractive.

    So that's the main issue I have right now. But I also feel depressed because of my sexual orientation. I feel like I have never been able to come to terms with being bi. I just want to be normal and I hate telling people because it's awkward and I've pretty much gone back into the closet with everyone except my parents and close friends. I feel constantly tortured because of all the homophobia I (and all of us) experience on a regular basis, from both other high school kids making fun of being gay and the media. I can't help but think that every time I hear someone reference it, they're talking about me. It crushes me. I just want to fit in.

    Which leads me to my next problem. I don't really fit in anywhere. Everyone's nice to me, but I'm kind of an outsider. My two best friends are outsiders too. They can be annoying sometimes, and sometimes I wish I had better friends, but none of us fit in anywhere so all we have is each other. Which is good because I need support and so do they. Also, all the openly gay kids at my school I find to be either complete weirdos or way too immature. And I'm at a school of 550 students. My class size is 125, so I can't really make new friends.

    I feel like my personality drives people away, so I usually don't talk to anyone. I guess it all comes down to me feeling very lonely and isolated, and I just want to make new friends, but I'm too socially awkward.

    High School sucks.
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

    Full Member

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    Greetings from another socially awkward bi guy. It does take awhile to get comfortable being in your own skin, but keep trying. See if there are new opportunities to meet new people outside of school. I know as well as you do that this is easier said than done, but keep trying. If you want to talk more, I'm here.

    As for your crush, have y'all hung out as friends at all? That might be a place to start.
     
  3. Andrew99

    Full Member

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    Well about that guy u like that's a tough one if he's gay or strait from your details he sounds 50/50 u might wanna try coming out to him as bi & u never know maybe he'll come out to u idk it's always worth a shot also if ur having trouble making friends u just gotta be a funny nice guy and you can definitely raise up your popularity …well at least that's my trick thats how I've made all of my friends & yep but good luck with that guy & I know high school sucks but not to mention u r 17 so im guessing your a senior so it won't be much longer before u get out of there