sorry in advance for making this thread long. not sure this is the right forum to post this... but here we go. i was in a relationship with a girl (im male/straight) off and on for 6 years. it had its ups and downs due to our long distance relationship. when it was good, it was out of this world kind of love, and when it was bad.. it was bad. i always thought she was the one, we were both kind of obsessed with each other and the good times definitely outweighed the bad. like most good things, it came to an end a little over a year ago. we were both really jealous and i guess that's what broke us up. both were heartbroken and stopped talking. i haven't really been able to shake what happened or let her go, and somehow kind of pictured us finding our way back to each other. not too long ago i found out that she's been in a relationship with a girl for a few months, it seems serious as they live together. as a side note i guess i want to point out that i think all love is beautiful and I'm all for something that will make a person happy. but i guess its making me feel a little confused. i feel like she was always very open with me, and that was something that was very beautiful in our relationship. however, this is something that never came up. i know she's a very sexual person, and by that i guess i mean boy crazy. i feel like her feelings for me was real and that she did love me and was in love, borderline obsessed, so I'm not doubting that. but I guess I've always thought that 'you don't choose to be gay', but maybe I'm wrong? i guess i am just trying to make sense out of all this. i feel like your sexuality is a big part of who you are, and that it doesn't all of a sudden change like that. it confuses the hell out of me to be honest. our sex life was great and she seemed really in love.. and i can't see how someone can hide something so big for that many years and that well. she's definitely not that type of person that holds back, shy, or won't speak her mind. maybe she just looks beyond a persons sex and just fell in love with the person???? im ok with her being gay (even if i secretly wish she would still be in love with me), its not that.. i guess it just makes me question what she has been thinking/feeling when we were together. if ANYONE can help me understand this a little bit better, i would be super thankful. obviously i would prefer to hear it from her, but it ended on really bad terms. anyways, really interested in what you guys have to say. cheers
I think she was in love with you, and did have feelings for you. I was kinda in the same situation but switched around. I would self identify more as a lesbian. For me, I am mainly attracted to women. I have been attracted to one guy though, and we dated. I fell hard for him. We just connected with each other. Like you and your ex, we ended on bad terms. When I was dating him, I still was not out to myself yet. I wasn't lying to him, or keeping things from him. I just didn't even realize it yet. I really don't think she was hiding anything from you. She could have still been in denial about liking women, confused about her sexuality, etc. It took me a while before it just clicked for me.Sexuality is on a spectrum.Some people lean more towards a certain gender, but will sometimes be attracted to the other gender. Sexuality is fluid.
thanks ouji, you said exactly whats been going through my mind, sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else i guess. if I'm going to be honest with myself my biggest issue is not understanding, its probably that i still have feelings for her and probably overthink things at the moment. kind of sort of makes me wish there was a forum for 'how to move on'...
I'm in a similar situation to ouji. I am coming from the other side of this, maybe I can help. I've dated several guys in the past, and most recently I dated a guy for about 8 months off and on. He told me he was in love with me, I wasn't sure. He told me something like this doesn't come around every day. I loved having sex with him, and I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him, so my confusion led to anger and I took it out on him. Eventually I had to admit I wasn't into him in the same way he was into me. I still thought I was straight at this point. But then one day I fell for a girl and I realized that just because I enjoyed the physical stuff with a guy didn't mean I had to date guys. My feelings for women are entirely different. I guess one could accuse me of hiding it, but in reality I didn't know my own heart until I let my guard down one day. I may still hook up with a guy someday if I am single, but I think I can only truly invest myself in a relationship with a girl. So I would identify as bisexual and (predominantly) homoromantic. Iamdoe, I'm sure you're a wonderful guy and that she loves you, but that your love for her is different from her love for you. I'm sure you were still very special to her, but you have to let go of the hope that she will someday be your girlfriend again. She didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sure it wasn't an easy process for her. You clearly care about her and have done your best to be understanding; I hope that you get over the pain and find true happiness.
