Hello everyone.. I have been posting my story on many sites, even this one ( http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/111060-please-help-me-i-am-so-lost.html ) .. And I still feel so lost and in need of support. I feel very weak, unable to write anymore and seek any answers, but I feel completely empty and devastated. It has been 4 months since my girlfriend broke up with me. It is the longest period I did not hear from her, and I really feel like she will never come back to me.. We've had a beautiful, perfect relationship.. and she broke it off suddenly, without telling me the reason... At first I was desperate, lost, and I had been asking her why she broke it off, and trying to put the pieces together and eventually understand her decision, but I still do not understand. She was perfectly happy with me, and our whole relationship, and just a week before she broke it off, she texted me saying how she loves me and wants to keep on building our relationship and future. Her parents then forbid her everything, she had no contact with anyone, they did not realize she was gay or anything, but that whole situation frightened her to death. She became cold, emotionless, after the breakup she has been very cruel to me, acting like she never knew me at all and like it was always meant to end one day. I feel how unhappy she is, she wrote that she could not be with me, even if I was her true soul mate" and then she said she does not feel the same for me anymore.. Like love could end in just 2 months time... We shared deep feelings for each other, a deep connection and affection, our love was true and pure.. and I still feel that she loves me, but I feel like she did bury all her emotions in order to be "a good daughter" to her parents, and "a better friend" to her friends... She told me she does not want to be in any relationship anymore, and she wants to study, be around her friends more etc... I never forbid her any of it, nor did i control her... She always chose to be around me rather than around her friends, and she would always run to me from her parents and friends as well.. Seeking sincerity and shelter.. And now she is acting like she needs them more than she ever needed me in her life.... We have gone through a lot in our relationship, we've had our ups and downs like everyone else does.. But we were always equally happy and we felt blessed with each day because we would share it with each other... It might all sound dull now, but the love we have shared was beyond everything we have ever felt.. I never felt so safe, loved and blessed before.. It is the most pure feeling and the vastest part of my soul... I was, and still am her only true friend, just like she is mine... We shared more feelings, stories and depth with each other in two years than with anyone we have known our whole lives.... I feel like I will never be happy again... She gave my life a meaning.. she became my shadow, each and every breath I took.. and still take... Even during our hardest days, we could always make each other smile and push one another towards our goals and dreams... I was the only light in her days.. just like she was in mine.... She is certainly unhappy with this whole situation as well... I tried texting her, and she never said goodbye, nor that she wishes happiness for me.. She broke it off like I was the worst thing that has ever happened to her.... Which hurt me dreadfully.... She is now acting like everything that she despised not so long ago... and is trying to find meaning in unimportant and superficial things.. I am sure that she is just as lonely as I am.. but it seems like she will never return to me... After a lot of analyzing and thinking about this whole situation.. I believe that she is just under deep coercion, she gave up on her ideal.. on everything she once loved and cared for passionately and truly, in order to live safer.. I believe that love can not vanish... either she never loved me honestly, or she still does, but does not want to admit it.... And I have felt her love each and every day... She was so open and honest with me, she was free and confident like she never was with anyone else... Everyone said how she had changed and seemed truly happy... And I always knew it was not "being in love" but loving someone... I felt the serenity within her... Like she was right where she always wanted to be.... And she would always tell me just how happy she is... and how she would die inside without me.... It was just " too perfect to be true".. But it was true.... and the breakup was so sudden.. It broke my heart and mind... I asked her if she could tell me that she does not love me anymore... and she answered with " Why would I tell you that?"... Not once did she say anything like that, nor that she will never come back to me.... I feel like this is just a period.. but I fear that time will push her even more away from me... If her wish is to never return to me.. the least she could do is tell me why... so I could move on as well one day.. even though I know I will never move on... She will always be the only person I have ever loved and cared for from the depths of my heart.... I have realized that I loved her truly.. and still do... I did not love her because she was always there by my side... nor because she was the person I was planning my future with.. but I love her for the person she truly is... I love every side of her mind and heart... I have seen the worst and the most beautiful part of her.... and I love every bit of it.. Everything about her... She is perfection to me... The most inspiring, sincere and the kindest person I know... She is happiness and fulfillment to me... and the meaning of my true existence.... People always say how you should never make someone the center of your life and world... and usually I would agree... But this time it is all different... I see no point in seeing the world, living and experiencing anything if I will keep it locked, and be unable to share it with the only person I love and trust... I would rather stay by her side and feel utterly happy.. than live a life without her... I used to tell her how I do not fear death anymore, but a life without her in it... And it was always the truth.... Still.. I only wish her happiness and love.. even if it means sacrificing my own well-being and happiness... And she knows that I feel that way.... But as long as I feel like she truly loves me and is unhappy and lying to herself, abandoning her own ideals and dreams... I can not give up on her and all the beauty and happiness we have shared.... and could still share... I feel very lost, helpless... I wish I knew the truth, and why she is doing all of this.... If anyone was or is in a similar situation.. or has any sort of advice and opinion.. please let me know... I could really use some help... Or just kind words... I am sorry for this very long post... And I thank you all in advance...
I am so sorry I can't help you, but I really hope you may find condolence and advice from other members here. All I can offer is hope: How could she not return to someone as amazing and kind and caring as you? I think she will, she just needs to sort her own life out. She made a harsh decision, but time will make her think. I hope, so much, that things go better for you. That she comes back. (*hug*)
Thank you so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot to me.. I hope she will realize one day what we have shared and then have the courage to return. I am certain that she will one day regret her decision, but she might never return to me.. I am very grateful for your help.
Hi SilenceA, You sound like such a sweet person! I'm sorry that you face this, no one should really feel this way, especially a person who seems so selfless and kind as you. There are reasons for everything, and although it may not have been necessarily right for her to cut things off this way, she may have thought this was the best for both of you. At some point she may realise, she may regret, and I sincerely hope that both of you come to some sort of understanding so you will have closure, even though it may not necessarily end with a "happily ever after". All the best <3
Thank you for your honest words.. I really hope that she will regret it.. and then somehow return to me... for I know that no one will ever care for her as much as I do.. I will keep on hoping for the "happily ever after".. but in the end I only wish her happiness and the courage she needs in order to stop lying to herself.. I also wish you all the best.
