Hey all, It's been so long since I posted here last, most of you are probably wondering: "Who the hell is this guy?!" There's no real reason for my lack of activity on here, but I am posting here now because this lack of activity is now translating to all areas of my life (save professional), not just EC. It's been almost a year since I came out to my friends and family back home, and I have not been exactly secretive about my orientation since then. My bosses (both current and former) know, my staff that I supervised, and my summer roommates and friends here at National Park knew. Everyone was supportive, and everything has been great... Really! But... I have hit a slowdown in life, I have lost my vicious momentum that I came out with and now I am just... here... I have new job, a miraculous permanent position in the National Park Service that I managed to get at the tender age of 26. I have moved into a new place, beautiful view, no roomies, and just minutes from work. My new boss is a lesbian, so to say I am in a tolerant workplace would be the understatement of the year. Everything should be splendid, but I just feel so lost. It's like figuring out I was gay was finding a book of answers to all of life's questions. I was so excited about it that I just carried it around unopened for months while I pranced about, proud and happy at my newfound identity; but then I opened it, and found it was in another language that I didn't know, and I don't even have anyone to help me translate it... So, I'm stuck. I have no gay friends here, and I work in the deep south so the atmosphere is hardly welcoming of our kind. I am on an island with no LGBT group or anything like one, I'm just stuck. Dating prospects? Hahah... yeah... none. I'm gay, and have no idea what to do about it! It's very frustrating. At the same time (for those of you who are saying "Hey, isn't he Bi?") I received more female attention than I have ever received in my life. I was asked out by three girls in as many months. I took the first one out on a date and balked (she had a kid, but I was terrified for other reasons) and the third one I just went ahead and said "I'm gay". Why the shift? Well, it's because of the second girl. I gave the second girl my virginity. It was... boring! We spent two hours going for it and I never even climaxed. Thankfully she did though. I could have written out a shopping list while it was happening, and it was not that she was unattractive. So... I am going to go with gay for now, and close the door on the opposite sex. Yeah... boring. So... TL;DR, I know guys. But what do I do now. I act the same, dress the same, and don't know where to go from here. I don't want to sound whiny, but I WANNA BE LOVED!!!:tears: Help me out, any advice is welcome. I have more that I want to talk about, but I'll save it for another thread.
I'm sorry no one has responded and how it could make you feel neglected. (*hug*)I feel this might be better under friends, family, and relationships instead of general support. You were definitely pretty specific although some of your statements seemed contradictory. The parts of you being in a tolerant workplace with a lesbian boss contrasting with what you said about working in the deep south and not being accepted. As far as dating goes, there have to be other gay guys around although they might not be very open due to the local attitudes towards it. I would suggest an online dating site or maybe searching the internet for gay bars near you, I would be surprised if there aren't any. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
This is a very complex question. Rather than provide advice (I feel uncomfortable in positions of recommendation) I will simply offer my thoughts. 1) There are infinite lists of variables to consider in every situation, so there is no absolute answer to any equation. That being said, there are certain patterns. 1, A) At age 26 you're still very young. Often at that age people are beginning their independence from college and discovering themselves in their newfound independence. To that end, many people either transition from their college city or town into a new location (for various reasons like love, careers, et cetera). On the opposite end, many people stay where they graduated because they have built a foundation of friends, instructors, familiar surroundings, and the good review of instructors to pass onto an employer. 1, B) A considerable sum even travel after graduating for an opportunity to explore life, seek out new societies, try new things, and understand their own position and identity in society. 1, C) Combining all three theories into one, final decision I say that people are usually one of two types. One, they are fiercely strong and can withstand any loneliness or unusuallness from moving somewhere new. Or, they find the quote "home isn't where you live, but where you're understood" very true. I think that concept might be more relevant to your life than you might think. But who knows. Onto the next section! 2, A) Been there, done that. Again, aren't quotes just LOVELY? They take the most complex ideas and form them into greatest phrases so they can be applied and recognized by others. Anyways, here I go with another quote. "An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit," Pliny the Younger, a Roman author. 2, A, I) Sometimes it is human nature to always identify what is missing from our lives rather than what we have. Perhaps this spurs us to always advance further, rather than remain stagnant? Maybe this is what you are feeling now. 2, B) Or maybe now that you've captured these pursuits you understand what you do not possess. And, as you said, that would be love and gay friendship. These two factors are very important pieces to life for nearly all people. Final section, decisions: come hither! 3, A) The shoulds and needs are for you to decide. This path, this decision, is yours to walk and yours alone. I do not think I am qualified, or anyone else, to say the solution to X would be to move from Y. Nevertheless, you do mention several features which make you very sad. 3, B) I wish you the very best in your decision. Lives do not change daily, for better or worse. And for that reason, the only suggestion I have is for you to try and grow accustomed to being alone until the opportunity arises and you find someone to share your life with. "When we truly realize that we are all alone is when we need others the most." Ronald Anthony
I realize that those seem contradictory, but I guess I failed to clarify that though I live in an intolerant community in the South, it's a Federal job that I work. I am protected federally in a variety of ways and it attracts a melting pot of people, hence the statements about my awesome workplace. In terms of Gay Bars... I wouldn't know how to even approach one, and if I did, the nearest is over 100 miles away at the least. I am in the middle of nowhere. On an Island. So I am just frustrated I suppose. emkorora: Wow, your post is incredible. I am not sure how to respond save that it made me cry. Which is really saying something because that is not something I do often. I fall into a lot of the categories that you laid out. I graduated five, almost six, years ago and have worked in 5 national parks and spent two years abroad. It was my time in Africa that actually allowed me enough time in my own head to admit I was gay. Well, I had tried before but if you care to read that story it's on my blog. It makes me sad to hear what you're saying about getting used to being alone for now, but I guess you're right. After all the heartache of coming out, I guess I wanted the universe to at least give me a pat on the head for my trouble. But, as an atheist, I have a hard time holding out hope that I will EVER find someone to share my life with. I have had crushes, sure, but they are few and far between... Usually straight guys. I just don't know the first thing about being gay. I don't act like a stereotype, nobody can tell I'm gay at first meeting, and I don't know how to find others like me. I have a gay dating app, but those guys seem like jerks. I acknowledge that I have a wonderful life. But I just wish I had someone to hold me. It's a tough position to be in. Thanks for your kind words, I wish I had more time to adequately respond. -The Seeker
Hello again, After your thoughtful reply I felt compelled to respond. Also, I apologize for any lateness in this post-- I am uncertain how to remain "updated" if someone replies to a post of mine on a thread. I want to say that your life adventures-- from National Parks to visiting Africa-- are something you should be proud of! Those experiences do not come often to people and I am glad they gave you an opportunity to ponder your life and explore new places. Wholeheartedly, I apologize if my last paragraph made you sad. I will not dash anyone's hopes and say, "X won't happen today." That being said, the best insight I can offer is to discuss what will likely happen. On a different note, my encounters have told me that my spirituality-- atheism-- has not significantly altered my chances to find or receive love. For that reason, I urge you to put some faith into the concept that your spirituality does not inhibit your opportunities, but enhances them. I will compare this concept to blindness. Rather than say their loss of vision prevents them from seeing, I would say their blindness has advanced their perception of the world through other means like touch, taste, smell. Moving on, a master status is a modifier that is used to distinguish someone from others: a gay politician, a child activist, a Catholic Arabian (Arabian could also be a modifier), a black president, or an American terrorist. Instead of being a gay man, I remove both modifiers and call myself: Human. It makes life surprisingly easier for me, since it removes the stereotypes and expectations that follow suit if someone else (or I) described myself as gay or a man. To that end, the only thing you need to know about being gay is that you like penis (lol). Beyond that, you're human and any cliches involved in homosexuality are irrelevant. I wish the best for you. I hope you can find some small measure of peace with every day.
