Before I start, I just want to note that I'm a MBTI enthusiast. therefore I have included my interests "type", which may give an idea of his personality (upbeat). I think there's this boy (an enfp) interested in me, but I can't tell. We're both in the same first year class. After first class, he came up and talked to me rather enthusiastically -- I figured he was just that kind of person. Then a week or two later I noticed him staring at me from across class. Constantly. Like his head would be cocked entirely to the side with his body facing forward, and whenever I'd catch him he'd look away. For the most part I just watched him out of the corner of my eye. He always would try to talk to me. He'd show up wherever he knew I might show up outside of class. And he always would sit behind me. He looks at me with eyes of adoration -- widened, slightly glossy eyes with a closed mouth smile and a friendly attitude. I've never seen anyone look at me like that (well my cat does sometimes, when she wants to be pet). When we're in groups, he avoids eye contact and is awkward in general. One time, when we were working on homework together, he looked me deep in the eye and pushed my hair out of my eye... it was strangely intimate. But here's the thing: he has a girlfriend... which is devastating. We get along and have common interests, and he's really really good looking. So this ENFP is driving me nuts: I can't tell if he's just a friendly ENFP who is straight and has that flirty attitude, or if he's closeted, into me, and trying to reach out (and potentially unsatisfied with a female). Him and his girlfriend have been together for a year now (source: social media)... which makes me really jealous. And frustrated. What do you guys think? Just a friendly ENFP or something more? normally I wouldn't ask such a juvenile question, but it's driving me up the wall thinking about it. I'm not entirely sure there's anything I can do even *if* he is into me, but I just wanna know.
He very well could just be an overly-friendly extrovert since they can give off that vibe sometimes. What about asking him to hangout sometime after school? That way you can get to know him better and be more one-on-one to see how he is. If anything, he might make a great friend. The only way to find out more about him is to hang out and get to know the guy. By the sounds of it he'd be glad to be your friend. Telling him that you are gay at some point down the line if you decide to befriend him might also help gauge his orientation better, but that's only if it's something you were comfortable doing. For now I'd stick with just getting to know him as best as you can.
yeah it's probably the best path. But I will say that I've never had my spidey-sense tingle so hard before... he's not even slightly stereotypical, but something tells me he's into me. And not just a little - a lot. sigh... gosh darn extroverts. he's definitely the super friendly extrovert type. Though I dunno if it's my desire for him that's leading me to misread the signals, even though at the same time they seem in front of my face. I hope we can work this all out. I mean, two things though. friendly people don't touch other (new) friends FACES do they? and I've never heard of a straight guy staring at another straight guy CONSTANTLY. some other things: even if he is gay and into me, and I do make friends with him, he may never have the courage to tell me. And if I come onto him he may feel afraid or rushed or whatever and play his sexual orientation off. OR he may be telling the truth if that happens when he tells me that he's straight. OR he'll respond, which I find least likely. In some ways these facts are making me just want to move on and ignore him but on the other hand we get along and I can't stop thinking about him. blech. now I know why people tell others just to completely ignore the "straights"
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but unless you know explicitly that someone is gay or bisexual, you should probably not get your hopes up. Because I think everyone on EC has at one point in time had a crush on a straight person who they thought had feelings for them, and I can tell you that it just doesn't work out. So what if he was looking at you from across the room? I do that to plenty of people and I'm sure many look at me without me noticing, but it doesn't mean I want to sex them. And I don't think him brushing hair out of your face means anything either. Straight guys grope each other constantly and it means nothing at all. Plus, you would be wise to never get involved with someone still in the closet. I made that mistake twice and it really fucking sucks to be a dirty secret and hidden, and dealing with your feelings and their feelings and then their guilt/shame/societal stigma on top of the stress of a relationship is a clusterfuck I would not wish on my worst enemy. Just focus on yourself. You are still ridiculously young with plenty of time for such things, when you and your significant other are both much more emotionally mature and wiser. Save the romance and passion and energy for someone who will actually appreciate it.
yeah. before him I had a rule of "never ever get involved or interested in straight guys" or "never have ANYTHING to do with straight guys". And so I applied that to him... but then out came the touching, the flirting, the longing looks from across the room and I just pegged him in the gay category and got my hopes up. then I figured out he had a girlfriend. now I'm devastated and frustrated and still hoping just because there's still hope even though it's just going to cause me pain like it does a million other gays like me. SIGH, homosexuality is entirely frustrating.
If he's really staring at you like that, he's probably at least bi, but pretty far into the closet, maybe even to himself, if he has a girlfriend. I'd be careful flirting with him though, because he might get scared and push you away because of his own uncertainties.
people get mixed up about extroverts all the time. Now, it's perfectly possible he's into you and all that stuff, but the thing is one can never really be positive about things like that without verbal confirmation. my advice is to ignore him, hopefully you can tuck thoughts of him away somewhere they don't bother you. these are the types of men that cause openly gay people incredible amounts of pain without even realizing it -- then, in the end, they end up with a women anyway.
Are you out to him? That would be a useful first step to see if he continues with the mixed signals or directly tells you he is straight.
