So there's a guy I like who lives in my dorm. Long story short, he's openly gay and proud and even though I wanted to be out in college, I'm not and it'll be a big hassle coming out now. Sigh. How could I let him know I'm interested without having to come out? Maybe if something comes of a relationship with him THEN I'll come out, but for right now it's not worth my time.
Just casually chit chat with him. Strike up a conversation and then ask if he'd like to go get food or something. Totally casual and normal everyday stuff, then you can go from there.
It's not that I can't/haven't talked to him, I've gotten food with him (while with others) plenty of times. I'd even say we're getting along to being good friends even, just from our interactions so far. The problem is that he has no idea I'm interested in him and he can be kind of aloof and/or distant too.
Honestly, you just need to come out then. If he's your good friend and you're interested, then tell him. You can't expect him to be flirtatious and into you if you're putting out an image of someone that he has no chance of ever being with, ie straight. Coming out really isn't that big of a deal anymore, especially in college.
You're going to have to either get him alone, And then express direct interest, But don't expect anything if you're only throwing fishing lines for him to bite, Part of your job in this is to actually let the other side know they have a 'chance'
He might not even like you back but it's still worth it to ask him out. Ask to take him to dinner on a more personal, private occasion, and ask if he'd be interested in that occasion being a date. Maybe he'll surprise you. OR, maybe he won't be interested and you'll remain friends and hopefully grow through this new dynamic of understanding.
If he is gay and totally out, he will sense your interest in him through his gaydar. But he might also sense your not ready to come out yet and will not pursue anything until you give him the signal your ready. I would continue to spend private time with him, ask him out to dinner and some other events like a concert or play at school to get to know him better. You will know when it's right to give him the green signal that your interested in him. And if all he wants is to be friends, you will have a good friend and it sounds like a good friend who will help you develop into your sexuality as a gay man.
Hey guys, thanks for the advice and I'm totally taking it into consideration. However, I tried hanging out with him today and being kinda flirty but he seemed to pull away. I don't know what to do, I have so little experience with flirting with guys that I'm already pretty frustrated .
