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Communicating with potential partners

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Tellit, Nov 29, 2013.

  1. Tellit

    Regular Member

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    Since I've come to terms with my sexuality, I've been trying to figure out how to convey my emotions to others. I'm still not out, but am not so concerned with hiding it anymore. I've moved on, and am more interested in learning how to communicate with potential love interests.

    As I'm sure many LGBT people who have spent time in the closet have felt at some point, I have trouble communicating with others of the same sex. Not because I have a horrible gaydar (I'm pretty good at picking up when someone is into me), but because of how I project myself to others. I don't really succeed in signaling to strangers who I am as a person, and what I want. I want a relationship. I don't identify with the scene (please don't be offended by this, I judge no one), but this doesn't mean I'm still uncomfortable with my sexuality. I'm not going to say I would never have a random hookup, because I recently had my first one. But if you're someone I see as a potential partner, it's just not like me to immediately have sex without exploring the emotional aspect of our relationship.

    To give you a concrete example, there's a guy I've been crushing on for some time now. Physically, he's as close to a 10 as you can get. He's also intelligent, in shape, a very nice guy and has some common interests with me. I'm pretty sure he's gay and comfortable with it, although he has not gone public with it to the best of my knowledge. When I first met him, I was crushing on him so bad that I could barely dare to look at him for a couple of months (we went to the same Math class). Initially, he didn't seem to pay me much attention, which suited me fine as I was still uncomfortable with my sexuality. Besides, I figured he was out of my league. As time went on, however, he made some obvious flirtatious advances with a lot of touching, but I did not really respond. I was still uncomfortable with the whole situation and didn't want to embarrass myself, just in case I was misreading the signs. Furthermore, I'm a shy guy naturally, although I think I can rather come off as uninterested.

    Sometime in the last couple of months, I feel I have become much more comfortable with my sexuality. Lately, I have been more responsive on the few occasions we've spoken, and even made some modest advances of my own. But I am still a shy novice who really has no idea how to act. Also, even since I opened up more, he (and other potentially gay/bi guys I meet) are still wary around me; he has still made a few advances, but the flirting has been subtle. He seems more interested in hugging and flirting with my friends, perhaps to make me jealous.

    I believe this subtle flirting is a result of how I project myself to others. But it's just who I am naturally. I don't like chasing after people. People who don't know me assume I'm not very social or interested in much of anything, whereas people who know me think I'm funny and incredibly nice. I guess I am that elusive hard to get type who's more interested in a stable relationship, after trying to fit in with everyone else while growing up. But I want to change. I don't want to miss out on the love of my life because of something as stupid as being shy. If anyone understands my situation, I would love to get some advice.
     
  2. Tellit

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    Really would appreciate some thoughts on this. Especially since I'm usually attracted to insecure, "cute" guys (the one I mentioned above is an exception) who usually wouldn't dare to make a move on me, even if I catch them staring or showing typical signs of attraction. I think I look too composed, and will often actively avoid looking at someone I'm attracted to. That may be a habit from being in the closet and uncomfortable with my sexuality in the past, but I act similarly with girls I don't know, so I think it's part of my personality.

    My hormones have got me going crazy lately. These days I regularly get very attracted to new guys, and they usually have that insecure look about them which I find attractive. But if no one makes a move, how can things progress?? I guess I just want an easy way of talking to guys I like that doesn't conflict too strongly with my natural way of expressing myself.
     
  3. method

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    Woah, I'm at the exact same point in my life right now. I don't have any advice (sorry!), was just bumping this thread again in case any Casanovas out there have any tips. Anyone?
     
  4. Tellit

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    Hey, thanks man. And no problem. I'm happy to hear about others having similar experiences.