Ok, so for those of you who haven't read my welcome post I'll fill you in a bit...When I was in grade 9, I was dating a girl and out as a lesbian. She ended up cheating on me with a guy and I ended up doing the same to see what it was like. Anyway, I ended up getting pregnant from my first time with a guy and I kept my (now 10 year old) daughter. I lived life as a straight woman after that because my mom said that by having a baby, I had 'decided' that I was straight. I moved schools, dated men...even married one and had 2 more children even though my feelings for women had never changed. Anyway, now for my dilemma... I recently got in contact with my high school crush (grade 12). There was always something about her that just made me happy. Her smile, her personality, her craziness, her big heart...the list goes on... Anyway, she never gave me any indication that she was into me in high school, but then again, why would she...I was living as a straight woman. Well, now that she is back in my life, she still gives me this weird feeling. This kind of happiness that I miss. I have so many what ifs in my head that it's just making me regret my life this far. I remember one time specifically, we were being silly teenagers in her room and play fighting on her bed and I almost kissed her. I think that's my biggest regret. Like, I should've just went for it. But everything would've become too real for me because she was a lesbian and I was far from accepting that I was too. Anyway, the past is the past and I can't change it. Now, I guess my question is...should I tell her how I feel even though she lives so far away? And, even though I barely know the person she is now? To me, she's the one that got away. I know that sounds silly considering we never dated in high school but it's how I feel. And, how would I tell her? I feel that if I tell her now, she'll think I'm nuts! lol I have only been talking to her for a couple days now but I just can't shake this feeling and it's kinda got me down. :icon_sad: :help: btw, I should tell you that these feelings aren't new, they are continuous.
