I'm 30yrs old male and confused on where my life is going. All my life I've been confused on if I am gay or not put I'm realising now I prob am. I'm in love with my best friend of 13 yrs. in them 13yrs we haven't normally went 2days without contacting each other, when we have slept in the same bed numerous times (due to different circumstances but could have been avoidable) and on a number of times descretely felt each other up, we have also snogged on 5different occasions when we supposing ly sleepin and drunk. I have never had a long term girlfriend in this time, but he has for 7yrs. I know all my friends think I'm gay as I much as I don't want to be although I want nothing more than to be with my best friend! I'm not out as I have no sexual feelings wat so ever for other men of my age but do have for men older than 50.(another strange twist in my confusing life) I have had a lot of sexual in counters with older men not sex but oral. I'm so confused as to wat my friend is thinkin an wat I should do!? If we were to be gay our life's would have such a turnaround it would b scary. He more than me would loose so much. I'm at ends meat on where my life is going.
From what I've seen on EC there is a subset of people who develop a close friendship with someone of the same sex that may lead to romantic and sexual feelings and sometimes actions. This type of relationship seems to be such that one or both parties only have feelings for each other, not for other people of the same sex more generally. Although your situation isn't exactly like this, it sounds close. As far as what to do about it... You could try talking to your friend, either coming out to him, or revealing your feelings or both (actually, I suppose the second option would be both). However, that could be tricky since he's in a relationship now and you don't want to be cheating with him. You know him, so will have to decide how you think he'd react to either of these. Beyond that, you could start working on accepting yourself and figuring out what about your friend makes him attractive to you. Then see if you can find another guy who is sufficiently like your friend to trigger the same feelings in you, but who is also single and gay/bi. It sounds like the basis for your feelings is your friendship. So perhaps start by looking at that and what elements make it up. Hope this helps and best of luck to you. Todd
Thanks Todd appreciate the reply. He's not in a relationship at the minute she finished with him 2yrs ago. I dunno he doesn't seem like he's attracted to me as much anymore because I think I'm freaking him out. I get an expiry attacks sometimes and paranoia cause I think everyone knows I love him. It's makin me depressed and really hard to be around so I reckon he isn't as into me as he would of been!