3 closeted guys loving one another

Hi,

In my highschool class there's this guy I know, let's call him Joe. He's probably my closest friend, and officially only ever goes out with chicks. I suspect he's gay or bi, though, just something I realized after getting to know him (and I'm not the type who easily assumes that about others). I'm not really attracted to him at all, and he has no obvious feelings for me either.

Then there's another guy in my class, who I have a massive crush on. He's incredibly nice and cute, with this wonderful smile that gets my heart racing unlike anything else. He's one of the more popular guys. I believe he's also gay or bi, and again this is not something I easily assume about someone, unless I have good reason to. I've noticed him staring at me now and then, nervously looking away, and he generally "acts" gay around guys, but then pretends it was all a joke. The problem is that Joe seems to really like him too; Joe constantly seeks him out, wants to be with him and acts all flirty. He's probably the only male I've ever seen Joe actually flirting with. But my crush has been pretty dismissive and doesn't seem to be into Joe at all. He seems to be more interested in me, which took me a while to accept since I'm not really that confident in myself when it comes to these things.

Now quite unlike Joe, when I love someone, I don't really seek them out. I might rather stay away from them to avoid my nerves getting the better of me and make a fool of myself. I don't actually come off as a wuss, though, so my crushes often have no idea I'm into them for quite some time. Once, my crush straight up asked me, on one of the times we've talked, "Just what is it you see in Joe, anyway?". My crush seems totally oblivious to the fact that I can comfortably hang out with Joe precisely because I'm not into him! :eusa_doh: He has nothing to be jealous of; Joe is a nice guy and all, but I can't see myself ever falling for him.

So I've tried to change. I even said hi to my crush with a smile a couple of times, and chatted with him. We have so much in common by the way, we both like nerdy things but are also into sports. It feels like we're sort of stuck though. We rarely talk, he usually hangs out with the more popular kids, and I think we're both too nervous to really make a move (like go out on a date or become closer friends). I just don't know how to move forward here? By the way, I think Joe would be really hurt and jealous if I hooked up with my crush, that's just the type of guy he is. So I usually don't try to speak to my crush when Joe's around, and I don't follow Joe when he tries to hang out with my crush and his friends. But if I actually had the chance to have a relationship with my crush, I wouldn't hesitate, I honestly love him too much to do that just because of Joe.

Any advice would be appreciated!

 

No, I'm not out, not yet. Getting to know his sexuality isn't much of a problem in this case. I left out a lot of details, but I'm pretty sure he's gay or bi. I've had that problem of not knowing lots of times, but not really this time. Although it might be a problem to be overly flirty when neither of us are out officially.

It's pretty frustrating because this has been a repeating story with people I like (guys, or girls when I still liked them). We have that initial spark, but I'm somehow unable to take it to the next level, either because I'm nervous, or because I convince myself I don't actually like them (the latter was mostly before I accepted that I like guys). I think this apprehensive response has given people the impression that I don't really like them, because in future encounters, I've noticed they don't tend to open up as easily. I just hope that now when I've accepted my sexuality, I'll be able to work on this somehow. Just try to be myself and realize that there's no point in hiding my feelings.