I need your help on this one. I would consider myself a kind, silent person. That is I always try to be polite, I don't like to show off and stand out, I watch my manners and try not to insult other people. That is good on one aspect, but I also can't speak up for myself and argue when I have to. I will give you an example. Two days ago, I was having a martial arts lesson, and I was doing something wrong. Apparently, I wasn't loose enough, which can lead to injuries, but I hadn't realized it because I was excited. So I was training with a fellow student, who has been practicing two more years than I have, and I was making the same mistake without realizing it. I was supposed to completely fall down, while I was managing to stand up a little, so he had to make an additional move to throw me on the floor. We were at that position, and he suddenly pushes me down and immobilizes on the floor (as he ought to anyway). However, his movement was violent. And then, while I was still down immobilized, he began shouting at me. "Do you like that?! Do you like getting thrown on the floor?! Huh?! You want to get injured?!" It was obviously a misunderstanding, but still I didn't like the way he treated me at. In fact, I had the right to get as angry as he was. I wasn't scared at all, and yet all I ended up saying was a faint, weak "No...". I am not angry at him. Even though he was very aggressive, he always loses his temper easily. I don't care anyway, deep down he is a moron so I want waste my thoughts on him. But I am angry at myself, because once again I couldn't answer back, even when he let me stand up. That's always my spontaneous reaction. I avoid confronting people, even when I am right. Later on I found several arguments why he was the jerk in that incident. - I've been practicing for only 3 months and he has been practicing for 2 years, so he should expect such mistakes. - He was shouting at me while I was immobilized - His last movement was violent and it could have led to an injury - He yelled at me as if I was a 5year old, or some kind of asshole who likes to argue with others, although it is evident that I am mature and thoughtful. Still, all I could come up with at that moment was that stupid no. I've had similar cases before where I couldn't answer, this one being the most remarkable. When it comes to arguments, I always end up backing up, being the soft one, having to retreat and cower. I am really tired of always being the nice guy, of not being able to stand up. So tell me. How will I learn to be instinctively bold? I don't like causing problems to others, I always think ahead so that everyone can be satisfied, but I hate not being able to defend myself. Any advice? Any experience? Any exercises maybe? Anything will do... Thank you in advance!
We have the same necessity for boldness in the police academy. How do they teach it? Simple: they just expect it. Even if you believe it wrong, or if it's just not natural for you (like me) you must project an air of confidence and pride. It can only be improved by practice. Try to look at his yelling not as an exercise in meanness, more just a forceful reminder to keep your muscles loose. The method is not pleasant, but it is used in place of letting you injure yourself. Ultimately, it's for your own good.
I'm sorry that happened to you. He could have told you in a much more constructive manner, but he probably had some reason for the way he did it. Have you talked to him?
I also have your problem, at the moment of the discussion nothing comes up to mind, but after the event I just get this HUGE amount of things I could and should have said. Like you, I am also a quiet silent man, and I think that's our problem. As of now, I am trying to engage in many conversations as I can, trying to be critic about everything, and hopefully my momentaneous reasoning will improve. Hope this helped in any way.
