hello everybody! please read all the post and tell me a tip...anything! i really need help! so im 16 i have lost my friends!because i have chance schooll(2 years ago)i have only 4 friends some closer than others ...all of them are avoiding me now because they feel shame or embarresd when is around me...why???....no they dont now that im gay nobody knows it! i think its because of my social anxiety disorder!im afraid to talk to any new person!afraid of a lot dialy things!like going to buy some food!so people feel that im destoing their image i thing that i am the worst peron in the school!my confidence is really down it dont even excist!my grades sucks i think i that i cant finish school......(even my english sucks)so i need advice of how to make friends!my image in school is already the worst thing!how can i fx that??how to make new friends????not even thinking to come out because im living in a homophobic place and.....people dont want to hang out with me as astraight...imagene as a gay!!!please help:help:!!!! sorry about my english!!! :tears::tears::eusa_doh:
Hey markosss, I'm hoping it gets better for you. It almost certainly will if you just give it time. Anyways, here are my ideas In terms of daily activities, I guess practice makes perfect (yah, that's very cliche... sorry :icon_wink). In my experience just doing something more and more normalises it and makes it much easier to deal with simply because you're more familiar with it and so feel as though less can go wrong. Like getting the bus- when I first got the bus I was pretty worried about getting the right bus, getting the ticket, stopping at the right stop, even just getting off the bus in a non-awkward way. But now I've taken the bus a couple dozen times, I'm fairly chilled about it now and pretty comfortable about doing things right since I know I reliably can now. So perhaps if you order food a few more times, you'll just get more familiar with it and it'll build your confidence when you do it right. You might want to try and find some new friends (but I know that's much easier said than done). Do you have any hobbies? If you do you could find a society for it at your school or make one if there isn't. You can fall in with some people you really click with at societies, just because you have some common ground- if you're having a conversation with them, you've always got something to fall back on Also remember that for other people it's not all that different. No-one I know *likes* talking to new people because they don't know what'll happen and they don't know what the reaction will be. No-one likes the unknown, so others aren't entirely different to you. They're not out to get you and when it comes down to it many of them have the same concerns and interests you have. Just remember that and it might help reassure you because you're most certainly not the only one. That's all I've got for now, but if you keep us updated I might pop back with other stuff. Just keep you head up for now, there's nothing that can't be improved, you just need to break out of the bubble and get a little more stuck in... nothing major, just beginning to push yourself out there a little more.
Social disorders are absolutely awful so sorry for that one. I find it incredible that things that are so easy for some are paralysing for others. If your friends are more concerned about their image than their relationship with you, it might be time for new friends like sam says. Since that might take a while, places like EC are awesome when you need someone to talk to. Hang in there. You'll find someone. You might even find some LGBTQ people and allies.
Thank you two so so so so much for your answers! Im trying to make friends but almost everyone in the school hates me and think that im stupid! So even if try nobody wll accept me and hang out with me! The 4friends that I talked about before can find new friends because ebveryone knoes that they hang out with me! Is there any way to fix my image and make others like me? Any way to get back my friends or make new! ??
Well, I wouldn't really know about image but here goes In terms of improving image... well, I guess you could get yourself involved in more popular activities like sports clubs to see if you can get to know more people in more circles, you could be a little more outgoing perhaps, or you could get the gist of what everyone's talking about-videogames say- get clued up on that so you can talk a little about it and involve yourself in that conversation. Other than that, I guess helping people with work, talking more/ coming off as less reserved or antagonistic if that's how you're perceived. But don't do too much of that if you feel as though that's simply not you. Speaking of which, just being you but a little more talkative could work. It's easy to get at people for being any number of profane four-letter words when you barely know they're at your school, but it's much harder to hold that grudge when you actually know them better. For example at my school there was this kid in year 7 (idk the American equivalent- junior year of high school?) who no-one really got along with. He was called names, made fun of, was the butt of the joke more than a few times. But then a couple years later he opened up a little more and lots of people, including me, found he was actually a pretty safe guy. Yeah he had his multitude of quirks but once we found who he was as a person it wasn't so easy to exclude him or dislike him, because he really wasn't that bad, and once we actually got to talk to him, have a laugh with him, a lot of that previous animosity faded away. People just went from thinking "what a [insert rude word here]" to "yeah this guy's actually pretty cool". Why? Just because we got to know him a little more. So perhaps you might want to be more open about yourself, what interests you, what you find funny, what you think of various things. Of course you won't be the same as everyone else, but others will see more of you and they might not be able to find so many reasons to dislike what's there. I'm sure you're a better person than you give yourself credit for, and maybe just showing a little more of yourself to others will cause them to think again about you. If all else fails, well you're not doing anything bad to these people which would cause them to dislike you, so if they won't hang out with you for the simple reason that you're the "pariah" so to speak and they won't give you a chance to, well then they're demonstrating how superficial they are, so screw 'em anyways. Just because people in school won't hang out with you doesn't make you a bad person, so stop judging yourself using them as reference. Blimey that was an essay :icon_bigg but really, hope you do find a way to meet new people or just open up more, highschool's hard enough with friends let alone without them... But I can guarantee that unless you're being a ****head to everyone you meet (which you don't sound like you are!), eventually you'll find someone who will like you!
i thank you again for your answer!you really give me hope!s today i dident search for my old friends at school! (they dident either!)so i talk to some new people before the begining of the class and ok they didnt seem to hate me but i dont think that they will accept me to hang out with them!i dont want to see my old friends in my school now because they will see that im alone!so i dont g to places that they are usually!as of my image...i dot know im afraid participating in other activities!it seems so dificult.....i dot really know what to do~tomorow will be excacly the same!all alone!as of my old friends...they seem hapier now!help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i willl meet my old friends in a party in a few days and i want to ignore them!how could i do that??ok i now i am stupid and my post are really long but i really need help!!!!!!!!!!:help: ---------- Post added 12th Dec 2013 at 07:32 AM ---------- anyone who read this may help me please even the most crazy advice!i need to overcome my social anxiety disorder and to make new friends!and make my old friends say wow this kid is really cool we shouldent leave him back then!!!!plz
How long have you been talking to the other guys in the class? It'll take time- maybe a month or two- before they "take you in" so to speak, so see how it goes with them before freaking out! I'm sorry your old friends seem to have ditched you... I guess what you could do is just sort of latch on to another group in another room, but yeah. That's all I got since I haven't been to any parties but if you look as though you're happy to your old friends or that you seem better off without them that's a way around it. umm... I'm not quite sure of the conduct for external links. But if you search how to overcome social anxiety disorder (google) there's a decent wikihow article with some suggestions for how to tackle it which I haven't mentioned. I mean I'm not saying googling it is the answer but a little can't hurt
