My attraction for women manifests as jealousy because I can't accept my sexuality

I was deeply shamed and threatened by my mother when I told her I was bisexual when I was around 15 or 16. I am now 26 and still cannot accept my sexuality. I hate it and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm massively repressed and feel like I'm still going through puberty because I've never had the chance to sort of "desensitize" myself to attractive women.

I get insanely jealous if I think my male partner is looking at other women, if I think he finds another woman attractive, and if I knew he masturbated thinking about another women, I'd probably feel like I wanted to die. I know this is massively unreasonable and unhealthy, and I totally and completely acknowledge how messed up that is.

The thing is, I look at women probably more than he does. I find most women attractive, it feels like a powerful sexual attraction, and I have fantasized about being with other women, though I've no desire to actually live these fantasies out in reality. Although I can intellectually grasp that finding other people sexually attractive is natural, I cannot seem to grasp it on an emotional level. I get angry at myself so quickly if I have a thought that tells me, "Look, it's okay to look or fantasize", be that myself OR my partner.

I had strong religious influences from my School during puberty, which only served to further repress me, sex-wise, entirely: men and women. Even though I am now an atheist, my puberty years were full of me repenting after thinking any sexual "sinful" thought whatsoever, so I ended up glorifying love and pure Christian loyalty and trying to bottle up my sexual feelings. I feel like I am am still recovering from this, despite knowing how insane it felt to pray and apologize for my natural urges.

During my reading a self-help book about jealousy, I have come to realize that I am actually projecting my "unfaithful" thoughts onto my partner, when in reality, it is me who is the "mentally unfaithful" one. I feel guilty for my fantasies.

Sometimes my partner has expressed not knowing why I chose him - taking into account some of his interests, and kinds of entertainment that involves attractive women, things which don't mix well with my jealousy - and I've also come to realize that I desire him because I feel in a sense that I am living out a huge part of my OWN personality and desires through him, because I do not feel I can do so myself.

I think part of me envies him when he has watched something with an attractive woman in it, because deep down, I want to do that, but feel I just can't. I feel too ashamed.

My question is: How do you come to terms with your sexuality after having endured so much shame, guilt and damnation from others / parents?

How long did it take you? Do you feel completely comfortable with your attraction, and what helped that process?

Many thanks if you read this. <3 Even more if you respond.