So, I'm a fourteen year old girl from Australia. I'm unsure of my sexual orientation but I sure as heckie like girls. Last year I suffered really bad depression regarding my undying (and unrequited) love for a girl who was my best friend (I'll call her Billie). She was really awful to me, but I'm better now. At the moment I'm in a relationship with a girl who is in the year above me at school (who is 16, I'm young for my year). The relationship is fine, but I do feel like I come second to pretty much everybody else and every other plan she's made (I'll call her Dee). Anyway, I do feel happy with this girl, most of the time. Recently, Billie has put on quite a bit of weight. And she looks so damn sexy. I mean, she was always bigger than me, even though we're exactly the same height, but she's really ballooned. And it really turns me on A LOT. And the thing is, I get a lot more turned on thinking about how large Billie is than Dee and I being intimate. What does this mean? Is this a thing? Why does her weight make me so into her? Any help would be gladly appreciated
Don't worry, it's definitely a thing. People who like their partners to have some extra weight (or, as is the case with me, a lot of extra weight) are called "chubby chaser" or "fat admirers". If it's the fact that she's ballooned that's turning you on, then you might also be a fat fetishist. The difference between the two is that a chubby chaser is turned on by all the standard things that most people are turned on by--they just want them on a bigger person--but a fat fetishist is specifically turned on by the person being overweight, or specifically by the fat tissue itself. As for why her weight turns you on, the research on why some of us are turned on by partners of size is, as far as I know, non-existent. But there's definitely nothing wrong with it. You could probably benefit from reading Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them). It's a fantastic read on the topic: very inclusive, positive, and informative. If you have no idea where to look to learn about attraction to bigger people, it's a good place to start. You can find it on Amazon here.
Owen did a good job explaining it, but it seems as though you're tackling an ethical debate now. So you are aroused by someone's weight. Who knows if this will remain a permanent faucet in your life or a temporary one. That said, physical attraction is often the initiating force of two people coming together. I cannot speak for your current girlfriend but most people would prefer to be partnered with someone who finds them beautiful and sexy. However, is it right to leave Debbie to pursue Billie? When a new interest comes, should we abandon our current investment? When it comes to relationships, most people will say, "no." However, there are many variables to consider. Is this attraction of yours a phase? If so, then hooking up with Billie would clearly not be a wise course of action. Will your new fetish continue to walk parallel to your life? Then perhaps you should ask yourself what path you'd like to follow. On the one hand, you have a healthy body (all the insinuations that this implies... longer life, less medical concern, etc.), but someone you are not attracted to. On the other hand, the other person has a more risky lifestyle, yet you are infatuated with them. Furthermore, what will you do if Billie decides to lose her weight and you are in the same situation, again? Speaking for my own part, I began romances with people of all sizes who had some attractive quality (nice arms, face, etc.) or another. However, larger people do command the greatest portion of my attention. During the times I was with someone who was larger, I would encourage them to be as healthy as they chose and to remain with them regardless (unless their weight reached truly dangerous proportions-- like 500+) of their size. Good luck! Hope you can find peace with whichever decision you come to.
Attraction to her weight aside, you said she was awful to you, and contributed to your depression. Why would you give her anything? Just going by what you told us here, IMO you deserve better. I'd stick with your current girlfriend. If you think she's changed and it could really work though, try talking to her. Find out if she's worth a second chance.
