Hi Random Readers, I've just recently made an account because I simply have no where else to turn. I warn you that this is total venting on my part and I appreciate anyone who decides to read/respond to what follows. I am a 21 year old male homosexual that is, at this point, very depressed. Specifically regarding my homosexuality, I am EXCLUSIVELY attracted to middle aged men (no younger than 50, range of about 50-70 years old). I have no idea how I developed this attraction, but I've been this way as long as I can remember (no I don't have any father issues). I am the submissive type, which is totally embarrassing to me. I'm a virgin and really don't know how to approach developing a relationship due to the extreme age difference. Personally, I am not flamboyant in any way and you wouldn't expect me to be a homosexual. Currently, I am only out to my family (though they don't know my specific attraction to older men) and I've been depressed ever since. I have definitely accepted my homosexuality but I have no desire to embrace it and attempt to start a relationship. I think that's exclusively due to my attraction to older men and the difficulty in finding compatibility with men 30+ years older than me. I'm really going through a life crisis due to the fact that none of my friends know I'm gay and the fact that I'm getting older (21, college life). I'm socially anxious when it comes to going to bars, obviously, due to the expectations of flirting with women. I'm too afraid of coming out (the majority of my friends say homophobic remarks all the time) to my friends who I've known for 10+ years. My social life is only a minor portion that stresses me out. I've recently taken a year off from college to pursue a co-op (rotating semesters of college and working for a company) and have truly fell in love with my boss at work. He's 57 years old with a wife and 5 children. I'm honestly obsessed with him and think about him constantly, even though it's obvious I'll never be close to him. He's funny, intelligent, personable, and a role model to me. I get nervous when I converse with him at work and have never had feelings like this towards anyone (even though I've never had sexual experiences with anyone). I constantly over think how I interact with him and how I should've said something different in past conversations we had. It's basically my life goal to come off as the best human being possible to him. I'm finishing up this co-op experience within the next 3 weeks, and it is completely depressing me. I know I most likely will never see my boss again. It saddens me that I feel such a strong attraction to someone who is 35 years older than me. It makes me feel like I'll never find anyone like him and that it's simply not meant to be for me to find a satisfying relationship. I'm returning to college in January and I don't see how I'll enjoy it in any way. I can't muster up the courage to not only go to a gay bar, but try to flirt with older men (I think that's so messed up). This has made me think about suicide. I'm not like many gay people who have been disowned by their parents, but that doesn't matter to me. I don't need support from others, I need support from myself, which I don't think I'll ever obtain. Even if I were to find the courage to start dating older men, I'm so uneasy with having sex. I don't know how it works with men and I don't know if i'd find it satisfying. I'm very submissive and feel it would be a personally degrading experience. All in all, I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. Not only do I worry about what my life-long friends would think, but more importantly, I can't really embrace my sexual attractions. I feel like I've found love (my boss) that I obviously will never get and the entire age difference is something that the majority of homosexuals don't have to deal with. I don't see myself ever having the confidence of holding hands with a man who's as old as my dad in public. It's just embarrassing to me. I don't really know what to expect as a response, but I just wanted to vent my story and see what people think of it. I truly appreciate anyone who reads/responds to this post.
1:WELCOME TO EC! 2:We all have our attractions to things,honestly I like skinny khakis,that's fucking weird. Moral of the story is your friends that make those remarks (I'm quoting I believe Snoop Dog) Fuck 'em. Those people you see in public,you'll never see again,and who gives a shit about you holding hands with someone older. Hell,they don't have a problem with MILFS so why not with...DILFS?
First off, welcome to EC. The second part is a bit more troubling. At your age, a relationship with someone 50-70 years old is probably (with about a 99% probability) not going to work. There are simply too many differences in life experience, and the power dynamics in such a relationship (especially since you are so submissive, by your own admission) would be particularly unhealthy. This is not meant to depress you further, but simply to lay out the objective truth supported by evidence to be seen. Suicide is never somewhere that you want to go, since really the problem that you're having is very temporary, and could probably be worked through by talking to a therapist or counselor at college (do you have those resources available to you?). It's very important to be exceptionally honest with them, as you have been here - they can't help you otherwise. Even though it may be embarrassing, it is necessary in order to move on in your life.
Hi I want to welcome you and say that suicide isn't a good answer take it from someone who has tried to kill himself and I also want to say I like older guys too so it's not unsual at all as far as I care just know people here will support you and help give really good advice
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. I'm sorry to hear that you've having a hard time at the moment coming to terms with things. I don't like to think of anyone being so upset that suicide comes to mind. Please consider getting some help to work though this so that you're not doing it on your own. It seems to me that regardless of who you're attracted to, you have some hang ups around being open and authentic with people. You're not entirely comfortable with being gay and what that means - and that is a problem that is going to cause you grief. Again - regardless of who you're attracted to. All the while you're not out to your friends, and not comfortable dating, you're going to continue to express your orientation just in your mind - and through fantasies of being with older men perhaps. And I can't help but think that this would change if in fact you started to incorporate your orientation into your regular life. If you came out to your friends. If you actually tried dating other guys your age. There really isn't that much to be afraid of or nervous about. When it comes to sex, it really isn't all the hard to figure out when you're with someone who cares about you and you're comfortable with. Have you come to recognize your orientation just recently? I'm wondering if that's why you've developed this crush on our coop supervisor. Quite often the first person we admit to having feelings for seems larger than life. The emotions that we feel have been bottled up for so long that when they show up they are almost overwhelming. It's like we're 14 years old again in junior high, with raging hormones and crazy emotions. (No offence to 14 year olds in junior high!) It can take us a little while to recognize that this person isn't really ideal for us, but we do come to our senses and eventually find someone who is a better match. So maybe you just need to give yourself more time to come to terms with all this and get comfortable. Don't worry too much about your attraction to older men. It might pass. Try to just get comfortable with being gay, and consider incorporating that into your dailyl life by coming out to your friends or peers at school.
Sorry for the delayed response. But thanks everyone for the responses. Jim, I don't see an option in dating men my age. Plain and simple, I feel nothing towards younger men. If I were to google the top 10 sexiest men, I most likely wouldn't find any of them attractive. I've always been attracted to my teachers in school, ever since middle school. I don't think this will ever change. I see my only options as waiting it out until i'm 40 before I try dating, which is obviously a depressing idea.
