shoud I travel to meet this guy

Hi, and welcome to EC. You're definitely in the right place to talk about this.

So there are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself before you can make a sensible decision on this.

First, you've mentioned that your connection with him is mostly sexual, and he's more than twice your age. So when, separately from thinking about this particular guy, what do you think are your motivations? Are you considering going just because you want to have sex with a guy? Or is there a strong connection to this particular guy?

Also, you have to really think, if you're feeling a connection to him, what that connection is. Is this the sort of person, if you were walking down the street in your town, that you'd see, find super attractive, and want to have sex with, or are you feeling attracted because he's been friendly, kind, and interested in your problems?

I don't like to be a downer here, but one thing you need to really consider is what are his motives? No offense to you, but why would an emotionally healthy 42 year old man be wanting a 20 year old guy? My concern is that he may be seeing you more as a fun "object" to have sex with, rather than someone to build a meaningful relationship with. (Now... if all you want is some fun sex, then that's different, but my suspicion is that you've built up feelings for him.)

And additionally, being realistic, and again, not to be a downer, but there are tens of thousands of guys like him, who prey on younger people like you, and are absolutely masterful in their ability to manipulate and say exactly what you want to hear... to essentially "reel you in." More than likely, you're not the first cute 20 year old this guy has connected with off of the Internet (even though I'm sure he'll tell you otherwise), and so, unfortunately, you have to view his intentions and every interaction with suspicion.

And then, there's the issue of safety. You're traveling to a completely different country, one that, presumably, you've never been to before. You don't know anyone other than him in this country, and you probably won't have the financial or other resources to get yourself out of a jam if things go badly. Once you arrive in California, you're essentially under his control. While he may be sweet and charming and lovely, he could, if we're being sinister, lock you up as his sex slave, and nobody would know the difference. Or he could, for the duration of your stay, coerce you into doing whatever he wants you to do because... you'll have no other place to go, no way to get back home early, and, realistically, probably not even a way to get to the airport.

Put all of that aside, and think about what it is you're after. If you just want to have sex, then you should be able to find someone closer to your age, that you can feel a real attraction to, in your own area. We (gay people) are everywhere, even when it seems like we aren't. And perhaps what you're feeling for him is an attraction as a father figure or mentor... and in that case, having a sexual relationship with him is probably not the healthiest thing for your psyche and your emotional growth, because there are tremendous issues with imbalance of power... he will have nearly completely control over you.

If it were me, it's not a risk I'd be comfortable taking. There are simply too many unknowns, too many places where things could go wrong, too much difficutly in creating alternate safety plans, and adding in the international issue... you really don't want to be doing something like that when you're not even in your own country.

Again, I hate to be a wet blanket, but you deserve someone who will love and respect you, who you'll feel authentic attraction to (and will feel the same for you) not just sexually, but emotionally and spiritually as well. I don't think this guy is that person.