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Can i be alive ?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by artix, Dec 18, 2013.

  1. artix

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Firstly,hello to everyone.In the beginning, I've hesitated to write this article,but like me whoever is older or younger than me ,i thought it would help me in the slightest though.As I say like me..Yes, I'm gay...How easy it is to say though, but it has not easy to say for me ever.The place where i grew up, as several people may have experienced, is a homophobic place and as usual, it is very difficult to look positive this situation in here too.I am 20 years old.Many people might say " You are too young or you have not had any experience in this way " but sometimes,life can teach you heavy of its side very very early.I had many friends in general, but the actual cause of the fear of homofobia, i had to stand apart from many of them and as a result of that a sense of loneliness has become heavier every time. (off to live a life) here from ( off ) the true meaning of this word, showed me even more than itself...and it has been still showing up..

    Surely you've experienced such a moment like this..You know, you can not get behold two things at the same time which you want ,and only you can choose one of them either..I gave up my happiness and had to choose a life which has tons of lies...I have not talked with a guy or never hold one's hands..I'm not very keen for them , but the lack of someone's absence ( to give complete trust to you ), from day to day ,it has been making a strange emptiness inside of me.

    The happiness which i had to left,would be leave all my stuffs on my back and find the right one..Elsewhere,heavy challanges or anything won't be hinder me through of the my hope which for the exist of the right person, would always keep me stand up...The other half of my heart has my job which will makes me feel myself like a god...But this is not a job that I can continue with my happiness.In short, if I choose one of them, I will always feel the lack of one which i did not choosed and it will kills my heart every second...

    I've written it because, i can not say these anyone..I can not say i've falled in love with a boy..This may sound simple, but every man's life is a special story for itself .. Some have paid a heavy price, while others have become wealthy in a simple way ...

    A third way...Would have too much for me or would be like a light which is at the end of the tunnel ? Whatever comes to your mind, including a private message , could you write here please because i will not have a situation like being online again.No more i want to be free nor I want to live in a cage ...
     
  2. Nick07

    Full Member

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    Hi, you say that you have already chosen. But many decisions can be altered, changed or improved. Why not this one? Why do you feel like you will never be with a man?