My step father was a psychopath. Beat my mother. I don't know why, but know I am fascinated by psychopaths. And am a sadist, and a bit of a masochist. And really get a kick out of hurting people, not psychically, but mentally and emotionally. I don't feel bad about any of this. The last person that I didn't like decided to go live with the father he hated for years all of a sudden after we had a little chat. I don't feel the slightest bit bad about him. In fact I instead, like to use it as a threat, like gloating, to anyone who talks bad to me. I'm starting to worry, is there something wrong with me? I know this isn't a normal EmptyCloset thread. But I dont have any other forums so any replies good or bad, positive or negative. Please, I'm just want somebody to hear me anonymously, and talk back. Thanks Guys Girls and Others
Wow, im not a sadist or masochist, but I do love playing mind games with people who I think deserve it (Only bad people). It's a shame we can't meet in person, because I would of loved challenging you to a game of wits and seeing you who breaks first. It would of been fun defeating you. As for advice, you may not be an evil person, but you should get some help to deal with these urges. These type of games can be extremely entertaining and fun, but playing them with innocent/good people is completely wrong and unjustifiable. If you want to continue to play these games, then why don't you use your talent for some good, and play these games with bad people. Perhaps you could even make a job out of it, and work with the police or something to get inside the head of criminals and fellow psychopaths. If you're actually good at this, you could go far and actually make a difference. If you want to continue the way you are now though, then I only have one other piece of advice for you. I have known many people who lead bad lives, and they become poisonous. Trust me when I say that poison always runs full circle. Those type of people never get a happy ending. And if you continue on this path, you will end up becoming the creator of your own demise and you will fail. Trust me, you don't want to end up that way because its not pretty, it's hellish. Either you will end up destroying yourself, or someone like me will probably do it for you if you are too far gone. It doesn't have to end that way though. The choice is yours. Since im not a sadist or masochist, I guess im more inclined to do the right thing then you are perhaps, but it always pays off in the end. And with so many bad people in this world, there is so much more fun to be had then playing with someone who is innocent. You'll know once you played with someone who deserves it. It is so much more rewarding, and you get to do something good and make a difference. Like I said though, the choice is yours. So from one psychopath to another, good luck.
My first comment is that since you're starting to worry.....I wouldn't be as worried about it. However, I think it would be good to talk to someone about all of this. The thing is....we tend to label people as good or bad and nothing in between. You're either an angel or some sick freak. Some of us has quirks...and you have yours, too! We are always here to listen. I hope you can figure this all out!
I would strongly recommend you visit a psychologist ASAP. It's a good thing that you seem to have a certain level of awareness about this trait of yours, but you still need immediate psychological attention. Good luck and I hope you find adequate help soon!
Thanks man. The person that moved did do bad things. And my mind is very logical. My battle of witts with this kid was 9 months. He grew up in a similar state, but i watched every single word i said to him in that time to give him enough rope to think he has out smarted me. Thanks, it's nice to know somebody has these urges to F :***: K around in peoples heads. Feeling better just by that Thanks ---------- Post added 20th Dec 2013 at 01:19 AM ---------- Thanks for reminding me. Humans do like a very black and white world dont they, not so keen on grey. I have had a counselor before, but since I am not yet 18, they can still talk to my parents if something worrying comes up. I have been looking for a fully confidential psychiatrist for some months now. But when I feel I can't trust a counselor anymore I will just control them and give them enough to think I'm okay. My own fear of my family finding out about what I am like sometimes, is getting in the way of my fear that I may be a bad person sometimes. Thanks
Unless you are an immediate risk to yourself or others, I don't think that your counselor can talk to your parents (check to make sure, some exceptions may apply). But there is no such thing as a fully confidential psychiatrist. The Tarasoff decision applies to all mental health professionals and all clients, regardless of their age. If you are actually able to convince a mental health professional that you are okay, you probably need another one, a more competent one that you won't be able to foil so easily. Perhaps get yourself to a medical doctor and ask for a referral to a psychologist and a psychiatrist if needed. Assuming that you really have some kind of anti-social tendencies, your average counselor or social worker won't be able to do much for you. You need a highly-trained specialist.
I know about the psychiatrist thing. But a school counselor can tell my parents at a smaller thing than a proper counselor/psychiatrist and the police or social worker. And I did change counselors already to better one. But, I need one who can see through anything I say and can see that i cant trust, and can read me like i read those around me. My psychology teacher always looks straight at me whenever she says the word psychopath, just a little glimpse, but it alarms me, especially as i haven't spoken to her about my thoughts on psychopaths. It's a little worrying. Thanks. I have been looking for a proper psychiatrist for months, but all I can find within a reasonable distance is a counselor. Which is a pain in the :***:
ur not a sadist if u wanna hurt people emotionally or physiologically, at least not a sexual sadist, u might have sadistic personality disorder( or i as i like to call bullying personality disorder) and it's not common for some one to be sexually attracted to hurt someone mentally or emotionally, so I'm thinking that ur pleasure from other's suffering is not sexual.
I think a lot of the traits you describe are indeed sadistic, which isn't a bad thing per se. But the way you talk makes it sound as though you play these possibly hurtful mind games with people who are in the dark about it, and that's simply Not Okay. Screwing around with people's lives by playing mind games that force a person to move back in with a hated relative instead of keep living with you (if I'm understanding this correctly) is Not Okay. Sadism needs to be consensual, otherwise it can be a form of abuse. It sounds like you need to find someone, or multiple someones, who enjoy that type of behavior (masochists, pretty much). And yes, I do think that if you aren't willing to do that, or if you don't believe that screwing with people's lives is wrong, then you definitely need help. A psychiatrist who *won't* fall for your crap.
You will be much better off with a psychologist than a psychiatrist. You'll want to find one who specializes in personality disorders, and probably one with many years of experience. I'm not sure how the laws work in the UK, but in the US, a therapist must disclose to a minor patient what his or her policies are about sharing information with parents. Of course, in a situation where there is imminent risk of harm to yourself or others, the therapist would be obligated to report that to parents and possibly to authorities. But what you're talking about doesn't sound like it would rise to the level of a mandatory report. Here's the other thing: Personality disorders such as you describe are very treatable for adolescents and teens, but the more one gets into adulthood, the more difficult to treat they are. Part of it is habituation and part of it is brain plasticity, which is still present in the adult brain, but there's much greater plasticity in the adolescent/young adult brain, so the sooner you get into intensive therapy, the better. What I would do if I were in your situation is find a good therapist as I described above, and be absolutely 100% up front in the first session: that you are manipulative, sadistic, and that these things don't really bother you (though, if this were completely true, you wouldn't be posting about it on a message board, which is why I think you're likely very treatable at this stage.) The behaviors you describe may fall into the realm of antisocial personality disorder, though I'm neither qualified to diagnose, nor, if I were, would it be appropriate to do so. But you might bring these things out in a first session. After disclosing all of this, have a frank discussion about whether the therapist feels comfortable treating you, whether s/he has experience with this disorder and if so, what experience specifically. It's possible that it might take you a couple of tries to find a therapist that's a good match, as treating personality disorders with antisocial patterns is a specialty and requires a really experienced and talented therapist. But when you find the right one, you should be able to make good progress. Just please don't put it off, as it becomes harder the longer you wait to address it.
