Feel like I deserve to die

(*hug*)

What about finding a female friend? Women usually have that protective instinct and she could help you to meet new people. I know it can be annoying too, but if you haven't tried it yet, maybe it's time to try another approach.
I am not sure if it makes any sense.

(*hug*)

 

You are not in a position? What do you mean by that? Do you have a coworker? A schoolmate? An acquaintance?

 

I looked at your pic and you are so wrong. You are good looking. Just need to find the right person.

Anyway I think you need to see a doctor who will refer you to a psychiatrist and a therapist. You obviously need medical attention if your contemplating death. This will get worse so do see a doctor.

I wish you all the best.

 

You describe your despair as a black wall, but think about what a wall is. It's not an abyss; it's a finite barrier. Even the strongest, tallest, widest one can be overcome. It's temporary. You know what isn't? Being dead.

I promise you're not repulsively ugly, nor would you be doing anybody a favor by dying. Maybe you don't get a lot of attention because you're shy? It doesn't mean people don't like you; it means they think you don't like them. It's a pretty big difference. Just make it known that you're friendly and people will flock to you.

 

Maybe... if you are not satisfied with more things in your life, what about not focusing on dating, but on making your life happier? Maybe you have wanted to learn something new? Or to change something?
If you are happy with yourself, it is easier to find friends. People like to be around happy people.

But maybe you need a therapist who would address your depression (((hug)))

---------- Post added 24th Dec 2013 at 12:55 AM ----------

Just wondering... whose picture you stole and put in your profile?


Because if you are ugly, that pic can't be yours...

 

You're right, therapy isn't an automatic problem solver. It isn't supposed to be. Therapy is essentially a doctor who gives you the tools to be happy. But you have to learn how to use the tools in a way that is going to benefit you. And it's going to take time.

But the thing about depression and anxiety is that there is never going to be a cure all. Everybody with depression has it for a different reason. Depression is an extremely personal problem.

I can tell you that I got pulled out of my depression when I just started doing stuff. A lot of what you're going through sounds like it stems from a lack of purpose, and I've been there. This website actually pulled me out of a depression not because of anything specific that someone said (though plenty of people on here pulled me out of a rough spot) but because I found out that I like giving advice to those who need it. By going onto the anon board and trying to help people, I was given a reason to live that I forgot that I had. Then I started doing YouTube videos. Then I made a tumblr. Then I met some incredible internet friends.

Just attempting stuff can give you a sense of direction. Some days it's going to be really hard, and you are going to run into a lot of activities that you don't like, or aren't good at. But when you find that thing that's been missing, it's worth it. All you have to do is find it.

 

Honestly, I looked at your picture and you look very handsome! My mom would kill to see me come home with a guy like you lol...

I think you're depressed right now, and you see everything through a haze of thick, black smoke, which is why everything coming out of your mouth (or fingertips, really) is so negative. You are unable to evaluate things accurately. For example, getting rejected on dating websites has nothing to do with who you are and what you look like. Gay male dating websites are teeming with idiotic, gross guys who just want sex, sex, and more sex, but only with guys that have 110% perfect bodies, and will hastily reject anyone who doesn't fit the bill. Do you really think this accurately represents your worth? You're worth more than this.

I think you need to address your depression and then you will be able to better deal with the rest.

 

Just to throw my 2c in here...

First off, I've also taken a look at your pic and you are certainly NOT ugly.

Secondly, I would agree that being off your meds for a week is almost certainly contributing to your present mood. Remember that and look to getting back on them ASAP. Is there any way you could either get back home to pick them up or get the prescription refilled at a local pharmacy? I think getting this issue dealt with would be something to do sooner rather than later.

Third, I'd actually suggest taking a break from the dating sites thing for a bit and focusing on building other aspects of your life so that meeting someone is less of a focus and more of a bonus in a busy and happy life. A more positive attitude and approach can often be picked up on by people who will react accordingly.

Finally, re your social life and life in general - what sort of interests do you have? Is there something that you are really into that you could use as a basis for talking to people or demonstrating expertise that you could share with others? I find that teaching or explaining something can go a long way toward overcoming shyness and building confidence.

I've also suffered from insomnia from time to time. Definitely feel your pain on that one.

Hope things get better soon.(*hug*)

Todd

 

Depression strikes anyone, regardless of who they are.

As someone who has gone through clinical depression and STILL suffers from anxiety here is my advice I would and DO give to anyone.

1.) Depression is the alteration of brain chemistry, not just feeling sad. It is brought on by stressors (which you clearly have). I know people say medication is bad, but once you find the right medicine it works wonders. I've been very much depression free and don't collapse into darkness (yes I've had suicidal thoughts once).

2.) Coping mechanisms are one thing, but recognition of your stressors and when they come around is key to staving off that depression.

As far as your identity and self worth, there is nothing more important and while we can support you, you must see it in yourself and find it.

I used to be lacking confidence in general and in myself and who I was. Genetic predisposition to depression did not help.

I've only been in two relationships and one ended on geographic issues, the other was she cheated on me.
Love is a complicated thing for some of us.

Anyways, everyone's life is precious. I know it's hard to see. But know it gets better.