How can I get rid of the religious idea that being gay makes me less of a person

I have a similar situation, I never can take compliments seriously because I look at myself as a screw up and that no one wants me. I think it is a thing of time, you will be able to look at yourself as a good person once you have seen what you can do for others.

I also advise reading philosophy about happiness and friendships as they can help explain a lot to a person.

Feel better!

 

You need to unlearn what you have been "taught". It takes time and self reflection and acceptance.

You realize that masturbation is a sin and millions and millions of people, gay and straight do it?

Do you also realize the 10 commandments say nothing about homosexuality and the Bible is one of the most contradictory books ever.

You also realize women can't be priests out of tradition and that only recently have females been allowed to serve at the altar?

Live a good life, that is what Jesus taught not a message of hate and bigotry. People misconstrue so much.

Take the love in your life and deserve it.

 

As Kasey mentions- the idea of god as set out in the bible has numerous problems (like the fact that easily 99.9% of people have sinned because even eating shellfish is apparently a sin, the inconsistent triangle, old testament etc). If you don't accept the idea of this god- why believe any of his teachings?

Besides, when you look at the assertion that homosexuality is a sin there's nothing behind it. Is it dangerous? No. Does it hurt others? No. Does it change any big aspect of your personality? No. There's no reason to class it as a sin other than just for the sake of it. People who like the same gender as "not worthy"? Well...great people like Alan Turing liked the same gender. You are worthy, and even if you weren't it would (should, at least) be to do with the person you are and not the sexuality you have.

I'm not sure if that helps or if the way I put it is right, but... here's hoping you can put this idea to rest soon.

 

First of all: are you me? It's like hearing myself talk!! Well, seeing myself write but whatever.
"We accept the love we think we deserve". That's my mantra
Like myself, you might have confidence issues. You might want to work on that.
To shed the idea that being gay is a sin you need only read the Bible. The ones teaching the Bible Think as such and use it to justify their own feelings of hate.

Also this video might help :

The Gay Debate The Bible and Homosexuality - YouTube

Wish you all the best Also, don't take your boyfriend for granted

 

Spiritual abuse (and I consider the homophobia taught by many Christian denominations to be a form of spiritual abuse) isn't something that you can reason yourself out of; one of my favorite proverbs is that you can't be reasoned out of a position you weren't reasoned into. In other words, you weren't rationally convinced that being/acting gay was a sin, so it isn't reasonable to expect that you'd be able to rationally convince yourself that it isn't.

Over time, as you get to know more LGBT people and become more comfortable as identifying as one it will seem more normal. The important thing for now is not to beat yourself up for your conflicted feelings; accept that you have them, work through them (ideally with a therapist), and over time they'll fade.

 

Being agnostic and a former baptist, I went through the same struggle with discovering my sexuality. Mostly, it is just seeing that everybody "sins", so why should one person get sent to hell over another if they both sinned? Also, even though I'm nonreligious, Romans 2:1 is a Bible verse that I live by, and think that everyone should live by. "Thou art detestable, thou who judgeth another, for thou hath done the same things." Basically, nobody's religion gives them a ticket to judge somebody for what they do in their personal life, and you shouldn't have to judge yourself, either. As long as you're happy with being you, and you're not hurting anyone else, nothing has to change.

 

The only way to counter religion-induced homo-hatred (it's not a phobia) is to learn more about the debate. There are excellent books and videos that seriously challenge the basis for opposition to homosexuality.

What you are getting and thinking are second-hand and second-rate opinions twice-removed from the actual text and learned scholarship. Learn more; first so that you can rid yourself of these slanderous notions and, second so you can defend yourself against others who hold these same screwed-up, dark-age, fucktard opinions.

 

As someone who has gone through the same thing, I agree strongly with what Mogget wrote. Even if you logically know what you've been taught is untrue, there is a difference between knowing it in your head and feeling it in your heart. That's a difference that I struggled with for a long time.

I was personally raised as a Southern Baptist. There wasn't a whole lot of New Testament shit being taught to me growing up, it was pretty much a healthy dose of wrathful God, fire, brimstone, and like an evil psychotic Santa - Jesus kept his own naughty and nice list. If you were on that list, you were going to burn. Period.

Then right as you were just terrified enough to shit your pants, you were told how much God and Jesus loves you. And that by accepting them into your life and heart was the only way to truly be happy.

I think of it in the same terms as I would a horrific abusive relationship. On the one hand you're getting the shit beat out of you (emotionally & mentally), and then after the beating it's "oh but baby I love you so much, we can make it work, if only you stop doing X, Y, and Z. I didn't want to hit you, but you made me do it. You know how I get when I'm angry."

In other words: It's your fault, it's always your fault. There is nothing wrong with the abuser, it's always you, you, you, and if only you felt X, did Y, or didn't do Z - then everything would be sunshine and rainbows. And since it's your fault, you need to go back, make up, ask for forgiveness, and only your abuser can give you absolution from whatever it is you've done wrong.

It's important to keep in mind you were fed this shit from the time you were a kid. That's when the abuse started. It's not as if you can just magically flip a switch in your head, and all of the pain that you've experienced is going to go away. It takes time, and that involves not only un-learning everything you've been taught; but also learning to see yourself as actually WORTHY of being treated differently.

It's an entire mind shift from: "I'm worthless, I'm pathetic, and I don't deserve to be happy." To: "I'm a survivor, and I deserve happiness because I am worthy."

I know what it's like to be hurt by religion, to be told that you're not worthy. To not just be told that you're not worthy, but to feel it and believe it on a core level. Then, even after leaving religion behind, carry forward those scars - finding yourself unable to shake the sense that you're still not worthy.

There is only one solution, and that is to begin confronting those thoughts. Even if you don't believe it on a core level, you should attack those thoughts every time you have them. The more you attack those thoughts, the more you confront them, the easier it will start to be to believe differently. Eventually, with time, you'll begin to heal and start to feel worthy. Maybe only a little bit at first, but once you have that little bit you can begin to nurture it. It will then begin to grow, and eventually you'll start to feel like a whole person. Someone who -IS- worthy.

One of the secrets to this is to understand that no one else can determine your worth. Only you can do that. We often look outside ourselves for validation, but that's only because on a core level we don't believe that our ideas are good enough, our feelings are good enough, or even that we are good enough. Understanding that a lack of worthiness begins from a sense of not being enough, and being worthy comes from a sense of feeling that you are enough.

When you start to feel - on a fundamental level - that you ARE enough. Then you know and feel that you are worthy. You understand that no one can give you that, but instead it's something you have to find within yourself. Of course, this doesn't mean that everything is sunshine and rainbows. That once you understand and feel worthy that all of your problems disappear. ...because that's when doubt starts to creep in. That's when the question that can send that sense of worthiness plummeting gets raised: "Who do you think you are?"

It's when that question is raised that it gets very easy to crumble. That single question can sap your confidence and sense of worth like nothing else. It's almost like it doesn't even have to try, just by raising the question itself you can be reduced to: "Yeah, you're right. Who do I think I am? I am worthless and pathetic. Who am I kidding?"

The thing about it is... that question never goes away. It's always there. Trying to answer this question is dangerous, and the best response is usually: "Who the fuck do you think you are to question my worthiness?" At that point, you kinda just have to summon your courage, bite the bullet, and push forward against the feelings holding you back.

The irony is that every time you do this it's an answer to that question. Whether you succeed or fail is beside the point, by simply making the attempt, by pushing back against it - you're proving your worth. Every time you actually start proving to yourself that you are worthy. It becomes a justification to feel that way. And when you start having those moments of self-doubt, and begin to ask the question: "Who do you think you are?" You can look back over the stuff you've achieved. You can respond with: "I'm the person who did that, even though he was scared. I'm the person who did that other thing, even though no one else believed I could. I'm that person, and I'm going to do this thing right here too."

Sometimes those words might ring hollow. It might seem like you're doing whatever you can to convince yourself, and self-doubt starts to wash over you. That's usually why the best response is always: "Who the fuck do you think you are to question my worthiness?" Then to push forward. This is the type of question that can't be answered with words - only by actions.

My general thinking here is that the moment you're playing defense you've already started to lose the battle. In cases such as this, the best defense is a strong offense, and the best offense is doing whatever it is you're being told you shouldn't do. ...just to prove to yourself that you can do it.

Getting to where you want to be is going to take time, but until you get there be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you'd treat someone else that you love.