Hi everyone...i'm new around here. I wasn't sure if I should post this in the coming out thread or what, but it's so much more then just coming out and I just need to get my feelings out. I'm 25 years old and I've honestly just recently stopped trying to pretend i'm straight by dating guys. I'm not straight, and I've known that for years...but I'm not sure if I would consider myself a lesbian or bisexual, but I'm trying not to be stuck on labels. Anyway, i'm tired of hiding. I want to be out, I want to find someone to love because I truly love them. But I know i'm nowhere near ready for the backlash of coming out...of publically posting a message on facebook or publically dating a woman. In college I joined this intense Christian organization, and that is where most of my friends come from. It's also a huge part of the reason I spent so much time denying who I am. I'm not denying my faith, I still strongly consider myself a Christian, and it's still something I don't fully understand myself, I'm trying to figure it out...and if anyone here is a Christian and can help me with that I would be extremely grateful. I don't believe it's a sin, and I don't believe God would have made me this way and wanted me to live a lie. But my mind is going in two different directions here. I've spent so much time dating guys...I've tried online dating...I've never let it get past the fourth date because I just knew I wasn't into it, at all...so I don't have a ton of experience one way or another. It just bothers me so much whenever a gay event or something happens, 80% of my facebook news feed fills up with anti-gay religious stuff that I don't agree with but i'm too scared to voice my opinion on. I'm a non-confrontational person, and I just don't want to get into it. I came out to my parents on Monday...completely unplanned too. I have finally accepted it in my heart for a while now, but I never really planned on when to come out...well I was having dinner with my parents and the Duck Dynasty thing just kind of came up and I blurted it out. And my parents were really very accepting of it. I think my mom might be in denial, but I also know her and she'll love me no matter what. She just insists I haven't found the right person yet. And she's right about that, I'm just pretty sure it's not a guy. But ultimately, she'll be ok with it. And since I talked to them, it's literally all I can think about. Before I told anyone, I was OK, I mean I was hiding but I was content enough with hiding. Now the seal has broken and I just can't keep it in anymore. It's on my mind 100% of the time and I want to tell everyone...but at the same time I don't want anyone to find out. I did tell both my brother and sister today, and I know a bombshell on Christmas may not have been great but they were both super cool about it. It's just that i'm regretting it now...now that they know I can't hide in my closet anymore. Which is a good thing I suppose? My extended family is pretty conservative, but I think the biggest thing i'm worried about is how to handle the 'you can be saved' and 'I can recommend a great book about a gay who turned straight' comments. I've read that book...I've tried to be straight...it just made it worse. I want to tell my two best friends, who I know will be cool with it, but i'm scared to tell them. Because of all the stupid little hints I've dropped while then trying to wash it away with some stupid remark about Chris Hemsworth. I feel like I've been lying to her. Or she'll see me differently once she knows the truth. I guess I just need to know I'm not alone...and I really, really wish I had some gay friends I could talk to but I don't. And I'm not sure I would want to anyway, unless I'm completely ready to come out of the closet.
Congratulations! I understand the sudden desire to come out to many people now. It's like triggering an avalanche But if you feel like it's getting out of your hands, wait couple of days or weeks before you tell your friends. If they are good friends they will understand that you were afraid and not ready. I bet they have their own secrets that they are not ready to talk about. Good luck
Yeah, I agree with Nick07. Its stressful the first few days after coming out to someone, adjusting to the new normal. After a while it should subside. Good luck with your friends!
I'm with you 110%. I'm coming out to my friend on Saturday, and I'm not sure how she'll take it, and I'm freaking out. I'm really hoping that she doesn't see me differently, but I understand your fears. Though, honestly, for me having gay friends has helped me a ton. They help me remember that this all isn't crazy, there isn't anything wrong with me and they help me conquer what ever fears I have. They've been through that I'm going through, and that is the biggest help of all.
Welcome to EC and congratulations on coming out to your parents! I know that 25 is young but I invite you to check out the Later in life board. There are other people in their 20s and up posting there. For what it's worth, I'm a Christian and active in my Episocpal church. It is very welcoming of LGBT people. Being accepted at my church gave me the courage to accept myself and start coming out at age 38 (after coming out at 19 and then trying to be straight from ages 26-36 or so).
Congratulations! it's a really big thing coming out to your parents! Hope everything works out with your friend! Just remember! if she is a real friend, she will accept you as you are and not judge you! i'm only 19, and i'm still looking for answers! Not really sure if i am into girls or not. I've been in love with a couple of guys but it never worked out, so now i am just confused. Maybe i just haven't met the right person yet! Anyways i wish you all the best!
Thanks everyone. I had a shopping date with my friend today...the one I shouldn't have been worried about, but was. Well I was toying all day with telling her and she knew something was on my mind, so I told her. And she was excited. She immediately insisted we hit up the gay bars with her bisexual friend a few hours a way on new years, and then wondered if this means I won't go see chip n' dales with her. I was allowed to have an honest conversation with someone that loves me about what I truly want in my future, and it felt so amazing. I feel so good right now, and I know it's not what everyone is going to say, I know I can't be open about this, but it feels great to not be keeping this from my best friend, and I kind of wish i'd told her earlier. hopefloats Thank you! I think i'll check it out! I actually was looking into episcopal churches around here, to see if I could meet some lgbt Christian friends, I've heard great things about them...but I love the people at my church and it's really quite liberal comparatively, it's ELCA Lutheran, I know of one woman that is out, but I don't really know her enough to talk to her about that.
