My goal in 2013 was to improve my sense of self worth. Well, that didn't happen. Everyday is a struggle and at this point I don't even remember what it feels like to be happy. Why is it that everyone else at my age is happy and carefree? Here I am constantly obsessing about how I'm going to further my IT career and finding that special someone, my stomach always hurts from the stress and I can't enjoy my life. I have a constant need to impress others. I'm worried I won't ever "make it". I'm afraid ill never get the job I want, and that ill never be able to move away. I look at the adults around me and see how they never "made it" and deep down I know i'll be the same. I feel like I'm pretty damn stupid and that people always look down on me. My parents don't like that I'm gay, its something that is frowned upon Does everyone feel this way at 19? Everyone tells me not to worry and that things always work out. But I feel like if I am not miserable then I'm not doing something right in life. And I just posted in the wrong section. Ugh.
This isn't in the wrong section, and there are plenty of others who feel the same. I suffer a lot of anxiety, always feeling tense and never fully relaxed. Too afraid to see a doctor about my anxiety because I also have other physical problems that are under investigation and it's been hard enough to get the doctors to believe me about those as it is. But I bet there are a lot of others in the same situation too. I just tell myself that you only get one chance at life so to try and enjoy it, even if things don't turn out as planned, make the best of it and give as much love to your family, friends and community as possible because that's what makes a difference to people more than how successful you are.
The mods already moved it for me.. Yeah, I just wish I could enjoy life like my friends. I don't understand how they can be happy when they don't know how their life will turn out. I just feel constantly sad about my uncertain future. Seeing others be happy makes me even more sad. Because I feel so inadequate compared to.everyone else. Like I don't deserve to be happy and successful.
Ok, first things first...You definitely sound like you need this. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Beyond that, some thoughts below... They certainly aren't, at least not 100% of the time. They may just be putting more effort into hiding it than you are but I flat guarantee you that a fair chunk of them have their own set of challenges and fears and problems. Some number of them have difficult family situations of one sort or another. Some of them have family members who have addictions or are ill and may not live. Some of them have addictions or health issues. Etc. Unless you can get into their heads and read their minds you don't really know what is going on with another person and how genuine (or not) their happiness actually is. Hmm. You sound like a bit of a control freak, frankly. Note that I don't say this as an attack, but as a totally unrepentant, 'out and proud' control freak my own self. I am the sort of person for whom spontaneity requires weeks of careful planning. The trick with being that sort of personality is that you need to be able to determine what things you can't control and what things you can (and how much). For those things you can't control you need to learn to just let it go. For those things you can control, learn to try to roll with the punches and adapt on the fly. Part of this is a confidence issue that may come with experience (which you will gain). When you've had a crisis hit and your plans go up in smoke, yet you adapted and/or powered through and made it out OK anyway, you will find that the fear of failure fades a good bit. Because you know you have the ability to make it work when you need to. You're only 19. You have lots of time to further your career and find a special someone (or several special someones, since it's entirely possible that you will have several romantic relationships in the course of your life). As part of that, it's ok to just relax and let go for a bit. You're presumably on holiday break right now. Go do something you will really enjoy, better yet go spend a day doing that. Be in the moment for a bit and let the future take care of itself. It's normal for people to worry to some degree about the future and whether they will achieve their dreams. What is more of an issue is your feeling that you're stupid and looked down upon and such. I don't know you but I've very confident you aren't stupid nor are you deserving of being looked down upon. And you're an adult and you happen to be a gay adult. You're parent's approval is not a requirement and they need to get over themselves. By now you surely realize that they are not perfect by any means, so why should you care how they feel about your life? It's YOUR life so live it for you, not for them. Different people feel different ways at 19. For me it was a pretty mixed bag. Positives and negatives both. Things will work out one way or the other, the only uncertainty is if its a way you like. I'm honestly more concerned about you saying you feel you must be unhappy. That (to be blunt) is a mindset you should see to kick to curb ASAP. You seem like a pretty nice guy overall (although I think our politics are very different). You deserve way more credit than you're giving yourself IMHO. Don't know if any of the above helps, but I hope it does. If you ever want to PM me, please feel free. Take care, Todd
Same age, same feelings. Not so much about my future but just general worth. In saying that, I can't offer any advice. Just take life as it comes I guess. And if your comparing your life to those on social media at the same time - don't. People only post things to create the image that you described. Truth is everyone feels a little bit inadequte at some point.
Welp I know how you feel, and it's not normal but it's also not wrong. For most of my life I have struggled with depression and anxiety. My self esteem was at it's lowest last year and the year before and I constantly thought about killing myself. And that's not the answer. The best remidy I found for that pit in your chest/stomach was being busy with something enjoyable. For me it is playing guitar. And when your thoughts are cycling around failure (and other anxiety inducing subjects) try writing it out. It doesn't have to be perfect or make sense but it will for you to slow down. And if you are anything like me those thoughts just start going faster and faster until you feel worthless stupid and broken because you can't even think. Don't keep the papers after. They are a massive trigger after. I found one the other day and I had to treat it as toxic waste. You are not worthless. And yea life sucks. People look down on you, hell my extended family likes my brother more and some days its so obvious I just leave and cry. Trust me when I say I am so tired of seeing everyone else happy and successful when I feel like crap and then having people tell me they know what I'm going through, but if you don't succeed on the path you are now, you will succeed some time, some where. We both have to believe that or nothing will get better.
