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How do you help someone who doesnt want help?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Drago2012, Dec 27, 2013.

  1. Drago2012

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    I have a friend who is most definitely suicidal, and I know must be extremely depressed, but he's too much of a coward to actually shoot himself, so he started doing drugs with the hope of ODing. He's literally doing 0.8g of "Molly" every other day and he weights 135lbs. That is a HUGE amount, even for someone of 300lbs would be a lot.
    The problem is that we (his friends) have try talking to him about seeking professional help, but every time we touch the topic, he backs away and leaves. He refuses to get help, even from us, his closest friends. He has no family either, his adoptive parents don't care at all for him and treat him like a dog or worse, so we literally don't know what to do and if we don't do something soon, he will OD and possibly die, which he wants, but we don't.
    Help?
    Other info:
    - I know deep down, he cares, otherwise he would have quit work a while ago, but he acts as if he doesn't care.
    - He's the type of guy who says that falling in love is a sign of weakness, even though he fell for a girl a few months ago, but couldn't deal with his emotions, so he stopped acknowledging her and now treats her like she doesn't exist.
    - For now he's only doing "Molly" and "Lucy", but I'm afraid that he's gonna escalate things once his body gets used to those drugs, and he might start doing Heroin, crack or Meth and then he'll be in real trouble.
    EDIT: I know this has nothing to do with homosexuality or LGTB, but I don't know who else to trust (who else to turn to) with this.
     
  2. Nick07

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    Hm. Don't say about a suicidal person that they are coward to shoot themselves.

    It says much more about you, than about the person. You can hardly help them if you are able to talk about them with such contempt. He may be suicidal, but he is still able to feel the vibes your are sending.

    I don't blame you that you don't know how a depressive person really feels. Maybe you can call a help line and ask professionals for detailed advice.

    Does he live with the parents? Is he adult?
     
  3. Soleil

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    Tough situation to be in :/ There really are no easy answers here but there are plenty of questions. What is it you most hope for in this situation? That he not die? At what cost would you be willing to see that happen? Is there something more or other than that which you are looking for? It sounds like there is a real disconnect happening within him. ....making sure YOU have a stable and clear connection to yourself and where you are truly coming from in this situation would be my first move if I was in your shoes. Next I would ask myself if there was a way that I could simply BE there for him without making him feel that I was trying to 'fix' him or his situation. A very difficult task but possibly the only way to reach him at any kind of a real level. Have you heard of Non Violent Communication? It focuses on removing judgements, interpretations etc from our speech and strengthening connection as well as learning to see what needs or longings are being expressed in the words coming at us from another. I find it to be a very useful tool. . .if it sounds interesting to you, check a book site or search for a video clip about it. The author is Marshall Rosenberg. I'd link you but I feel uncertain if that's allowed here? I hope you find a way to be with this situation and that your friend is able to pull through what he is going through now. Best wishes to you <3
     
    #3 Soleil, Dec 27, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2013
  4. Drago2012

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    I didn't mean to sound like an a*****e, but the girl I wrote about is my best friend and he hurt her like hell, she's still madly in love with him, and he won't even acknowledge her presence anymore, but him and I have always been cool with each other and I know that deep down he's a good guy. From all mt bff told me about their short lived relationship.
    He's 23, and he lives with his adoptive parents because he spends all his money on drugs (0.3g of Molly (at least we think its molly, but really its hard to tell as we don't have a testing kit and the dealers cut that stuff with other cheaper (bad) drugs to make more profit) runs for around 20 bucks around here, and he's doing triple that every two days) and VGs. He does want to move out because for the short period of time that him and my bff were together they talked about getting their own place.

    What is it you most hope for in this situation? That he not die?
    Well, simply put, yes. We care for him, but we really don't know what else to do. And since he "broke up" with my bff he's starting to alienate himself from us, so we see him less and less and he does more and more drugs
    At what cost would you be willing to see that happen?
    Do you mean monetarily speaking? I wouldn't know since I'm pretty poor and most of our little group are as well.
    Is there something more or other than that which you are looking for? It sounds like there is a real disconnect happening within him. ....making sure YOU have a stable and clear connection to yourself and where you are truly coming from in this situation would be my first move if I was in your shoes. Next I would ask myself if there was a way that I could simply BE there for him without making him feel that I was trying to 'fix' him or his situation.
    We try to invite him to every single of our Game Nights so he can put his mind at ease. And, yes we are there for him, but all he wants to do is do drugs, as I said before. He's even trying to convince other people from work to start doing drugs with him because we won't.
    A very difficult task but possibly the only way to reach him at any kind of a real level. Have you heard of Non Violent Communication? It focuses on removing judgements, interpretations etc from our speech and strengthening connection as well as learning to see what needs or longings are being expressed in the words coming at us from another. I find it to be a very useful tool. . .if it sounds interesting to you, check a book site or search for a video clip about it. The author is Marshall Rosenberg. I'd link you but I feel uncertain if that's allowed here?
    Never heard about it, I'll check it out and talk about it with the group.
    I hope you find a way to be with this situation and that your friend is able to pull through what he is going through now. Best wishes to you <3
    Ty for your help ^_^
     
  5. Nick07

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    The sad truth is you can't save anybody against their will.

    I have experiences with suicidal thoughts, but I know nothing about drugs and I have no idea if he is still able to quit on his own, or if it is not possible anymore.
    Help line are toll free I think. Maybe you could make a call. They could give you some tips that could help.
     
  6. Kasey

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    I have no idea here about the concept... but would a true intervention here work?
     
  7. Drago2012

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    We have thought about it, but we're afraid the he'll turn violent. Which he almost did before to my bff for some stupid crap, plus he has marine training. He went through their training and just before being shipped out decided to quit, so he attempted to kill himself, but failed at it. and got discharged.
     
  8. Kasey

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    Well...

    Quite the rock and a hard place.

    You said he really cares deep down. How do you leverage that to your advantage? You said he's violent? Or can be?

    Can you guys get some sort of mediator? I know nick said it and I agree talking to a local help line would be the best. We aren't trained specialists, and I don't think I've ever dealt with a situation like this.
     
  9. castle walls

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    I'm sorry to hear that your friend is going through such a difficult time. I want to echo the suggestion of the calling the local suicide prevention or substance abuse hotline. I suggest calling the suicide prevention line but depending on where you live the same center may answer both lines. They will know the law in your area and may know of a way that you can help your friend. Depending on the actions your friend is taking, you may be able to have your friend put under a 72 hour psychiatric hold (hopefully it won't come to that). If you believe that your friend is in imminent danger, please call 911.

    There are other options besides a psychiatric hold. Those options depend on the laws in your area and the services that your local crisis center provides. If you call the center, they may even call your friend for you and see if he is willing to talk to them. Sometimes, it can be easier to talk to someone that you don't personally know.

    Also, if you do call the crisis line, you can just talk about what options you have first. You calling doesn't automatically mean that someone will lock him up. I was just brain storming possible solutions above.

    I hope I helped! I wish you and your friend the best
     
  10. sanguine

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    My older brother was like that, I think the most important thing here is why he is still alive.

    My older brother told me the only reason why he never died was because he was always looking for a reason not to, and surprisingly there was always a reason not to do it, how weird is that.
    To think that I probably wouldnt have him here today is weird.

    I think caring about him is amazing, and if he sees it, even better! If anything, everyone needs a good friend.

    I was in a similar situation earlier this year too and the guy ended up living with me, and leme tell you now, its great that you want to help, but just remember that you can only do so much before it starts to become a burden.

    At the end of the day its up to him whether or not he wants to be here or not. He's the one with the problems, hes not owing up to the problems, and he needs to change, hes too comfortable with an ideal thats not sustainable, he fears change.

    Everyone has the starring role in their own tragedy, he just needs motivation or just beable to see that he can do something with his life.
     
  11. I'd get him Baker Acted (72 hour involuntary psychiatric hold) so they can calm him down. All the drugs can't be good either, so it could help him clear his head. I seriously advise this before he gets a bad cut of Molly and fries his brain.
     
  12. confused1234

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    0.8 grams of Molly every other day is going to kill him. The lethal dose is estimated to be 10-20 mg/kg. He weighs about 60 kg and is taking 800 mg at a time. Do the math.

    Please call the police and have him put under involuntary psychiatric hold.