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Conflicted and Confused

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Bosho, Dec 29, 2013.

  1. Bosho

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    Hi, I'm a 20 year old man. I thought I was straight up until about a month ago. This all changed when I met a guy. Normally when I meet a guy I just treat it as a friendship and we hang out sometimes and that is that. This guy is different. He is immensely kind and caring towards me. I know that he identifies as gay and he knows that I identify as straight. The thing is, I feel that I am developing feelings towards him. We hung out a few times and even kissed a few times. When ever we do, he says "you must enjoy it" jokingly. I know he only means it to joke around, but I can't help thinking what I am doing with him is wrong. Another thing bothering me is our unexpected group of mutual friends; long story short, I had a few close calls of being outed. These situations made me very anxious and worried. Not only about myself, but worried about my friend as well. If I were to be outed as a bisexual, I know for a fact that horrible and harsh consequences from not only society, but my own family and friends would be waiting for me. I want to talk to him about all of this, but I don't want to offend him or weird him out. He's such a great guy. No one has ever had my back like he has before in my life. This kinda sucks, I have had a horrible feeling and demeanor about me for about two weeks now and I haven't been myself because of this issue. I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. Kasey

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    1.) you aren't wrong. You're human.
    2.) I want to be out as transgender but it's hard. I know what you mean. I think my dad is not homophobic and my mom loves me I know, but both want their son to be straight and have grand kids for them. Also my job... I love it and I don't think expressing myself to the public would be good for it.
    3.) He cares for you. You know that. **** the haters. Take his love and run with it as long as you are happy with yourself. Gay, bi, straight, whatever. Be happy.
     
  3. Bosho

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    Thank you for your thoughts. Should I talk to him? I should point out that due to a recent nerve wracking situation, we don't really talk that often. I don't know if he is upset with me or something. I worry about him. He's done a great deal to keep the things we due under wraps.
     
  4. Kasey

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    Definitely talk to him. Clear the air and make sure he is alright as well as you. You two seem to be in this together.
     
  5. Bosho

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    I'm normally alright with confrontation, but I've never had to deal with something so sensitive by myself before. I don't even know what to say.
     
  6. Kasey

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    Well, use me as a sounding board. Tell me what you would say to him. If you feel comfortable doing so only of course.

    But think of it as a dry run.
     
  7. jvn95

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    I would talk to him about this.

    For your sake because you feel this way right now.
     
  8. Bosho

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    I thought about it for a large portion of the day yesterday and finally asked him just when I was going to bed. Fortunately, I start my best discussions when lying in bed. The conversation was very short but I was reassured that he was not angry or upset with me regarding the previous situation we were in. As a next step, I would like to talk to him about my budding feelings about him and the time we have spent together. I think he feels the same but I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch. The thought of this conversation really worries me because I think I'm bi and I really don't know how to approach this possible conversation. I feel if I do, I will really risk losing our already great friendship (although, at this point I would call it a friends with benefits relationship as we have fooled around on a few occasions). Anyone got any thoughts or opinions on this matter? Everyone has been great so far, I can't thank you all enough.