I'm the type of person that needs to know someone better before I open up. Growing up, I've been told or labeled as shy and I never saw it as a negative thing. As I was growing out of my late teens, I started thinking if I had some social anxiety due to being nervous about interacting with strangers. What made me start this topic was because of my job interview last night. A friend that works at the place I applied asked his manager how the interviews went, he said that the manager thought I was shy. He told me she didn't me it in a negative way. I felt bad hearing it because I was trying my best to not shy nervousness but she still thought I was shy. :icon_sad: Anyway, I wanted get peoples thoughts on being shy, overcoming shyness, or knowing someone personally that's shy.
Depends what you want. Shyness can be a bad thing because it can hold you back. Take your job interview for example, if you've got to choose between the guy who can tell you exactly what he's capable of right away and the guy who told you bits and pieces but really wasn't comfortable talking about it you're going to pick the first guy. Which sucks! On the other hand, being shy can be great. I'm plenty shy around new people and tend not to speak unless spoken to and to me I think that point when you realise that someone who is shy is actually opening up to you is great! At least you know if you're friends with a shy person you mean a lot to them...
I personally think it's cute to be shy however I can see how it can cause problems. I'm exactly in the same boat as you are so I know it's not easy. Heck, I used to be a car salesman and I would freak out everytime I had to deal with a customer that I didn't know. If theres any possible way to overcome shyness I want to know too!
When it comes to overcoming shyness. I practice. Like all through out the day I will pre-plan and practice my interactions for the day. It helps me because I feel prepared to talk to people when the time comes.
Being a little shy is ok, no one likes severe shyness. I know cause I'm shy more than it's acceptable for someone my age. And yeah I failed some job interviews too. Any job where you have to interact with people a lot, they want someone talkative and cheerful.
There should be rights for shy people. Make it illegal for employers and customers to be mean to shy people.
I'm still a bit shy but not as shy as I once was. I wouldn't call shyness a character flaw but I think that it can hold people back. I know it was holding me back. I have a lot of good friends that I wouldn't have met if I didn't try to put myself out there. What helped me out a bit was the saying, "fake it 'til you make it". I tried to go out and meet new people and talk to them. It was pretty awkward at first (and it still can be) but it has gotten easier. You say that you're trying not to be too shy and I think that is a good first step. Keep on trying! It just takes some practice. I'm still working on it and I started a few years ago. I'm definitely improving. I'm just not where I want to be yet. Best of luck!
A thing that worked for me to get rid of my excessive shyness was to expose myself to things I used to be uncomfortable with, like dancing/speaking in front of a big group of people, making a fool of myself around my friends helped a lot. Now I'd say, I'm finally out of my shell and quite the extrovert, I'm usually the first on the dance floor at the club It's much more fun to live life without the fear of "what if" or "what will they think". I used to be super, uber, shy and it would keep me from enjoying life to the fullest. So just start small, like around your friends, and work your way up, like public speaking.
Being shy can be bothersome in terms of interacting in social settings and in jobs, but that doesn't exactly make it a curse or anything. Because you more closed off to people at first the relationships you do establish can be closer. I pretty much the same way when first meeting people. I usually pretend to be more comfortable talking to people until I actually am. It's a process, just keep trying
I've been told "fake it 'til you make it" a million times but I can't say I'm particularly good at it.
I liked the advice people gave especially Girishbbe's on practicing interactions. I might try this. This pass year I tried extremely hard in testing my comfort zones in school. I joined clubs and took an acting class. One thing that was really out of my comfort zone was auditioning for college film; my acting teacher never said it was mandatory but I wanted to try something new before I transferred to a new college. As for job interviews, I always discuss my involvement in school to make up for the lack of work experience and my shy demeanor. I've been told about doing the "fake it til you make it" but when I discuss myself in a professional/educational setting I talk in a positive and genuine way if that make sense. I just feel like "faking it" is not me being myself. I guess nice guys finish last. I know this nice guy wouldn't quit trying to get better. :icon_bigg As for relationships, it's nice to hear that shy people can be desirable in friendships or romance. I don't know about others but once I open up to a someone I feel genuine happiness compared just getting to know them. Lol, I sound like a puppy. :eusa_doh:
Fake it until you become it. Check out this interesting TED talk. Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are | Video on TED.com I'm an introvert and not actually very shy, but I have heard people describe me as shy if only because I don't talk so much and like listening. One thing you can do is be proactive and try to ask questions yourself and mention things that weren't specifically discussed by the interviewer, within reason. That can help show you're wanting to give a better picture of yourself.
I don't think shyness is a character flaw in the conventional sense. It's not like being a liar or having a short temper. I do see it as a negative because it inhibits people from saying what they really want to say and doing what they really want to do - even if it's slowly. I didn't have a very good experience with this, either. I was never good at faking it, but what trying to fake it did was expose me to enough new situations and positive feedback that I was able to develop more resilience and assertiveness. I'm still a reserved person with a degree of shyness, but I have a lot less fear and hesitation now because I've found there are less reasons to hold back than I initially thought.
Thanks for the video! Body langauge is something I need to work on. When I in my acting class in the spring, I was really shy at first but built confidence from both the friends in class as well as our motivating teacher. Now that I'm in a new school, I feel that my openness and confidence came from that class. I'm not as shy as before but with the support I felt from that class gone, the confidence building has stopped. I'm the same way in that I like to listen more than talk unless I'm comfortable with someone. I know when I really push myself to pretend I'm relaxed with others when I'm new to them, it takes up a lot of energy. I always think if it's noticeable.
Flaw? I find shyness sexy in the women I date. Shy people are usually the most interesting to talk to... that is, when they are feeling talkative. ;-)
That's great that they're people that find shyness attractive. It gives me hope :eusa_danc. I'm curious what do others find attractive about shy people?
