I can't help but think that 2014 will be the last year of my life. Visions of my grave saying 1995-2014 keep coming into my head. For the last couple of days I felt awful. It kind of ruined my Christmas and it's been really bad today. I feel dead inside. I feel like I can't "work hard" to solve my problems. I have no friends and tried everything to get some and have get literally shit all about 1% of the social life that normal human beings seem to get with little effort. I have no road towards getting a bf. Don't know any gay people, tried the LGBT society barely spoke to anyone (never really had a opportunity), can't really walk into a gay club on my own plus I don't drink, online dating is just one giant story of multiple rejection. My social anxiety makes my life hell. Can't walk into a lecture hall without shitting myself about what seat to sit in (pathetic). I just feel like there is nothing left here for me. All I thought about for the last week (if not all year) is death and if I want to welcome it early. I don't want to hurt my family but I'm just in some much emotion pain.
Hi there, I had feelings like this earlier on this summer, in the July/August months most intensely. It was a build-up from leaving boarding school, realising I was bi/lesbian, realising I was genderqueer, and feeling great social anxiety because of it, then going to university and having to make all these new friends. It's been a tough 2-3 years, but I can honestly say I feel great now. I'm on the other end of it, and as I said, I recently went through the worst of it and now I understand things a little better. I couldn't say I'm stronger than before even though I feel like that sometimes, but I definitely feel more equipped to deal with bad feelings and thoughts I get sometimes. You don't need to die this year. As lame and as "negotiator" as it sounds, you really don't. I don't know who you are, and that's even worse. You could have qualities that others find really inspiring that you didn't even notice you had, and to lose you would be just that - a loss. I know you don't feel that way right now, but I've learned that there is sometimes a massive disparity between what I feel is true and what is actually true. As soon as you accept that your negative feelings are just negative feelings, things will, veeeery slowly, slip into place a bit more. (I used to spend ages trying to think of the right reason why I shouldn't kill myself, so I have quite a few to get me by) Bonus one: I know these all sound quite airy fairy and unrealistic but they are very likely. It's the nature of life as a human. There will be someone (in the very least, most probably more) out there now whose personality traits fit yours neatly, who is genuinely interested in you and would want to be your partner. And fuck everyone who doesn't like you, they're irrelevant. You vibrate at different frequencies. That's all. Sure you're gonna feel uncomfortable sometimes and so are they, but that's just a part of the randomness of life. It's not personal at all. When you're around good buddies, you forget about all the people you don't get along with, because the fun you have actually works for you and your friends. And everyone deserves that. If you hang around for long enough, you'll get it. I believe this myself. I really don't see why this can't be true. Maybe I'm being naive, but I have confidence in me, and fuck it I have confidence in you too, as a human. I don't even know you dude, but you can do it if I can.
