Hello everyone, I need advice or would just like to know if someone can relate to my issue. A few days ago I created a thread saying that I used to have gf's, was happy, loved them but had trouble performing in the bedroom. Eventually started experimenting with dudes, lied to myself saying I hated it. Thats just a quick summary of my first post/story on here. Truth be told, I really like being with men. I can admitt that to myself now, but here's the problem. I don't fit in at all in the lgbt scene, I'm not into the scene at all. I fit in in with the straight guy crowd much better and only have straight guy friends. I don't have any of the "gay" stereotypes (not saying that to insult anyone). Most gay men I've met are into shopping, brand names and... how can I say this? Too flamboyant. Again, I don't want to insult anyone, that's just been my experience. I'm just a low key guy here that likes to drink beers while watching a game with the guys, I like working on cars and not afraid to get dirty, I'd rather wear sweat pants and a random t-shirt I can find. Anyway, I have no idea where I'm heading with this but it just feels like I don't belong anywhere. Lately I'm feeling extremely lonely and started drinking again, these days I find myself being depressed and just not happy. I started backing away from my friends and spend a lot of time sleeping and shutting myself out from the world. Being 25 years old, I totally see this as being unhealthy. Sorry for the wall of text of by boring life, I had to vent. If anyone has any advice for me it would be truly appreciated.
I think that is a common problem for people like us. I tried to force myself into being into women and it took me a really long time to accept that I am gay. So now I have very few in common with most of the people that have been out for a long time. This is also mostly because 99% of my friends are straight. I'm my opinion, if you change your habits to fit any stereotype, you are doing it wrong. You just need to sorround yourself with people that accept you. For example I live with four straight guys, but they now I am gay since the first day (before renting the room to me!). I eventually joined the LGBT group (my flatmates advised me to do so!) in the Uni. At the beggining I thought they were too different for me. However i have met loads of people,and, by setting my stupid prejudices aside I befriended many pdifferent people and met some that are more similar to me. I think backing away from people is the worst option, for me the complete opposite worked very well (hopefully I will gather the courage to come out to my family soon). Maybe you need a fresh start, to meet new people, etc... Best wishes xxx
I'm over six feet tall, and I'm on the round side. I speak with a deep voice. I wear T-shirts and jeans about 360 days a year. I listen to rock music. I'm a season-ticket-holder to a contact sport. But I dig guys. And that makes me gay. And I never had much trouble being "different" from what one might call the "stereotypical gay society". I just went out and made friends wherever I went. And I did so out and proud. And eventually, I found other gay guys who liked some of the same stuff I did. Not all, but some. I could take one to a concert, and another to a sporting event, for instance. But I had gay guys I could hang out with, and (if I wanted to) date/sleep with. Yeah, I would know more if I were more into club music or clubbing in general, but I never enjoyed that, so I simply didn't. If you think you DO want to be more proactive about increasing your "gay rolodex", as it were, feel free to do so. See if there are any gay social groups in your area - gay book clubs, or gay bowling leagues, or whatnot. Or place a personal ad on a dating site. Lex
I am the same way, don't like the gay scene at all. I would much rather hang out with my straight friends and watch sports in my sweat pants and T-shirt. I have a feeling there are a lot of us out there...just not too many of us actually "out" there if you know what i mean.
There is more to being gay than just going to gay bars. Your sexuality doesn't and shouldn't determine your interests, and besides not all gay people fit into stereotypes, no group fits 100% into a stereotype. Because that is what all of this is, stereotypes based around the fact that gay men are in general more in touch with their feminine side than your average straight guy (and it's nothing wrong with that really). You belong with the friends you have always had as friends, and if they are real friends they should still accept you as a friend even if you have different sexualities.
I think the trouble is that people like you dont enjoy doing the typical gay gay things or the things people would associate with gay guys and so they perhaps don't hang out in the gay pubs and clubs or the shopping mall. They are also less easy to spot as they are often easily disguised as straight guys. That doesn't mean there aren't any of them out there is just means they are perhaps less easy to spot. If every gay guys that likes the things you do, does the same as you and just hangs out with his straight mates then none of you will ever meet each other. I don't mean that in a harsh way just that sometimes you have to push yourself a little out of your comfort zone to find what you are looking for.
I hate shopping and contemporary pop music, love beer and bourbon, watch sports constantly, and I'd wear a t-shirt and basketball shorts all the time if I could. But that doesn't make me any less bi. You're far from alone.
