So I really just can't figure out a label that fits me well enough so I can explain myself to people. Personally, I don't really care about labels, but for the sake of trying to explain who I am to my friends and family, I just don't know how to do it. I wouldn't say I am "femme" because I don't always, or even usually, dress "girly". If I dress on the more girly side I wear like a nice shirt, jeans, and nice shoes. I also wouldn't say I'm "stud" because I don't always dress masculine. I wear a hoodie,jeans,sneakers, all that good stuff. I feel comfortable dressing girly (but not too girly. I don't really care for skirts or dresses.) and I'm comfortable being more manly. I could wear gym shorts, a hoodie, and basketball socks all freaking day and be 100% fine. On a day-to-day basis, I wear a hoodie, jeans, and converse. Then I'll come home and rock the sweatpants/shorts. I will shop in both sections, which confuses me sometimes, but I'm slowly starting to understand myself more. I don't know if I could even classify myself as a "stem" because I don't really mix both styles. I do want to be the more dominant one in a relationship, but I could also be submissive if the time came around. As I said before, I know labels don't matter but so I can explain who I am clearly to people without taking hours on end, it would just be easier. Thank you for dealing with my rambling if you got this far. Any help would be appreciated! :help::icon_bigg
I see what you're saying about labels not really mattering but still wanting one for simplification. If anyone asks, it sounds like the best answer for you is "I'm me." Personalities, no matter who you are, aren't exactly cut-and-dry or black and white. Though it sounds to me like you're trying to label your personality and your style as the same thing, and they don't fall into any category since they aren't exclusive any which way. IMHO, if anyone asks you anything about you, just tell them the honest truth: "I like what I like," or "I'm a healthy mix of all of the above."
Yeahh that makes sense. I wasn't really trying to put my style and a label into the same thing, it just came out like that. Lol. Thanks for your help!
Grown women who are into women are just that: women. Understanding each other comes with time, and more important than relationship dynamics is the kind of person someone is expressing themselves as: someone friendly, someone a little reserved, someone who openly loves animals, someone who openly loves technology, someone who's very politically-driven. Etc. The most confusing thing when I was younger was taking a list of things - dominance, submission, feminine, masculine - and trying to think which lesbian/bisexual category I fell into and how others would respond accordingly. Actual people very rarely fall neatly into a category. It just made me confused and none of the women I liked or dated went around using terms like femme, anyway.
According to the society of the United States of America, femininity encompasses things such as make-up, perfume, flowers, flowery dresses, low-rise jeans, tight-fitting clothing that shows figure, jewelry, pink, lipstick (did I say makeup?), stilettos, UGGs, other types of shoes, female sneakers, long hair, hairpins, hmm... the list can continue, but I think you get the picture. Femininity today is more masculine than femininity in the past. Women can now wear jeans, sneakers, etc, and still be feminine. You can figure out for yourself how that list would look for other side of the dichotomy. In my opinion, and from what you have described in your post, you seem to be on feminine spectrum of things. And BTW, I have never heard of a "stem" haha, and here I though I knew all lesbian lingo.
Thank you for your help! Stem is a mix of "stud" and "femme". A stem is basically someone who is comfortable with dressing both femininely and masculine and uses both in a perfect balance. Like they could wear girly clothes, masculinely and masculine clothes, femininely if that makes sense. Haha. Basically they can look good either way or a mix of both.
How does calling yourself a ''femme'' or anything else explain you? I really don't get it, honestly. What is the confusing thing about you wearing hoodies and nice shoes? It's what 90% of girls do, gay or straight. Hardly anyone has a dress on every day, we all own more comfortable clothes and wear them more or less often. I'm sure your friends and family aren't all that confused about your fashion choices. And if they are, your mother won't be any more enlightened if you tell her that you're a ''stem''.
Why is it important to categorize yourself? If it's about appearance people can see what you are and whether they're attracted to you or not. If it's about the roles within a relationship, you can have that discussion with the person you're dating. Many people don't feel the need for playing a particular role. I certainly wouldn't want to put myself in a box like that.
I personally don't need categories and labels and whatnot, but I live in an area that isn't very accepting of things they don't understand. I was just trying to simplify things for those people who will ask me questions. That's all I was trying to do; simplification for those close minded people.
Hey there, I used to wonder if I was Fem or Masciline. In the end it doesn't matter, and If I'm asked which (yeah it happens) I either say I'm just me, or I don't know. Be YOU!
