Hi, I am not sure that I am posting at the right place, but was not really sure where to post. Please feel free to move it to the right place if this is not posted at the same location. So I think that I am finally getting to terms with the fact that I am attracted to both girls and boys, that is not my issue there... My issue would be how to meet people, I am a bit shy when I don't already know people. Even when I know people well I sometimes more feel like I am socially awkward than shy... When I see people I know around me they are able to joke and have a chat with people even if they don't really get along with them and to separate work from the rest... I just can't, even with my friends here in Ireland, I am usually the quiet one, therefore sometimes I feel like I don't really fit in... I am not the kind to go toward people and make the first step... Has never been my thing... I have tried online dating, but to be fair even with guys I have never been good at that... I feel awkward and don't really know how to begin a real conversation going over the usual how are you, what are you doing in life, what do you like to do... My other worry is that even if I am pretty sure I am attracted to girls, I know the best thing is experimenting... The only friend I am sharing my feelings with at the moment tells me to not care and to just go for a one night stand... I don't agree with it, I would not be able to have sex just to try without having some connection... Not sure how to formulate my worry the right way... Until I will go out there I won't know for sure, but would someone already comfortable with this really want to engage with someone just getting there if they want something more or less serious and finally I realise that it is not my thing? I mean would they really take a risk if they know that I am not 100% sure? It does not feel right either to not tell them about this and letting them think that I am only starting in there? Hope I have been clear, it feels a bit confused for myself to be faire... Thanks for ready and for any advice (*hug*)
First of all I think you have a few issues with your self image, don't worry you are not alone everyone has a self image problem to some extent Realize that it is something you need to work on. Everyone is a bit awkward and a bit shy but a lot of people fake it till they make it. Remember people are always more worried about themselves than anyone else around them. I am a lot like you and still struggle with this, find the situations you prefer meeting people so you are at your peak comfort zone. Do you like meeting in small groups, large groups, events, parties etc. Once you find your nitch everything becomes a lot easier. Don't worry it isn't always like this but throughout life there will always be those awkward situations, learn to be okay with them and find ways to still have fun and the right people will find you
Good evening, I have the same issue. Or maybe I should say that I was always struggling to met someone new, but now it is much better. Back then I thought that I am not only shy, but socially retarded, unable to make new friends or maintaining old relationships, let alone online dating. It was hard for me to imagine that I can change. But at a certain point I decided to try to change myself. What could I lose? And I started challenging myself from make a profile on a dating portal. My first mock date was really unsuccessful, but the next were better and better. Believing that it may go was extremely helpful. The other thing is that I am an introvert. I would never be happy to be the life and soul of the party. I am the quiet one, but I have realized that it is not entirely bad thing. If you have problems with being to reserved, shy, socially awkward, maybe you would like to read some guides about overcoming this?
Thanks to both of you for the advices... DDT I agree, I have low self image when it comes to deal with people... I am trying to work on it as I can. But not always easy. I definitely prefer to meet in small groups, I am not a big fan of crowd (sales and Christmas shopping are my worse nightmare!) To be fair, I am really bad at faking/lying, so I can't really hide that I am shy... But I'll try to work on all this... Grey Wolf It is nice to know (even if I know this) that I am not alone in this situation... I am on a few dating portals, but I never know what to say. To be honest, I am talking for both guys and girls cause at the moment even if I changed my profil I did not message any girls. I will try to get out there and message myself. I know I will never be the heart and soul of the party, but I don't think I would like this position... I don't really mind being the quiet one, I just can't get out there and really join the conversation, I am more standing there and listening... But I will work on this as well. If you have some titles of guides about overcoming it that would be appreciated Thanks again
I don't really like the idea of a one night stand to "test" things, either. There's more to it than the sex - an emotional attraction - and some people don't enjoy sex with any warm body. I don't see why simply dating won't do if people know you're not looking for a serious relationship at the time. I've often felt that way in the past, but a few friends told me that there is love for introverts and quieter people out there. Sometimes people just need a break from noise, or going out, or someone who appreciates a relaxing night in. Feeling hesitant is something that changes over time, I think often when people start to feel there isn't something wrong with not being outgoing and entertaining in the first place.
I become a part of a community of people trying to overcome social anxiety or just simply improve social skills. The most commonly used guide (I could find in most ideas for self-therapy), Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step by Thomas A. Richards. There are dozens books about The Problem, most of them may deepen the knowledge, but not so many may offer reasonable advices on self-therapy. I also find very interesting workbooks provided by Aussies. http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm Recently I have read The power of introverts by Susan Cain and Shyness: What It Is, What To Do About It by Philip Zimbardo. I guess they are at least worth reading, maybe not in first position. Cheers!
That is exactly what I tried to explain to her, but she thinks that it would be okay to know... I never liked one night stands before... And as you say there is the emotionnal part as well. Thanks for this. I will look into it and hopefully it will help I decided to try to be more active on dating websites, who knows maybe I'll meet someone I just have to work on my profil itself as I don't think that it is "attractive" enough
