Okay, so as you guys noticed, I'm a newbie here. The main reason why I signed up on EC is because I'm looking for not just friendship (and maybe a local relationship), but support too. I live in southern Ontario, and this isolated area sucks because of no LGBT areas nearby, and especially no lesbians I can be friends with Toronto is basically the only city near by that has large LGBT communities, but the drive is a bit far :/ Lately, I've been having feelings of depression, lonliness and confusion. I was in my first lesbian relationship. Problem was, it was a long distant relationship so we never met :/ So yeah, that's when depression was starting to take over my life I also have low self esteem, so I've been really negative of myself as well as others. To be really honest, it feels like I was never a lesbian. My first relationship was a guy, which I never basically gave a shit about. I'm still ashamed of myself for pretending to like the opposite sex, and lying to myself. Anyways, I dunno, it feels like I never belong to a lesbian community or even the whole LGBT communities... Feels like I'm just a nobody... Another thing, at times, I just wish that I was never born a gay female and instead live as a hetero guy :/ I just feel very miserable with myself and everything. Probably like everyone else, I always have trouble making new friends, and especially relationships -_- I'm sorry for the long message. I just feel very sad and lonely at this moment I know my message sounded cheezy and all :/
It doesn't sound cheesy. A lot of folks here have the same feelings of loneliness and fears myself included. I don't really know any gay people either but I have started to look for social groups in the lgbt community. I will start there and see where it takes me as I get more comfortable with doing more.
Welcome! I know what you mean about not really feeling part of a community. I just feel such a disconnect from local lgbt groups and even many online communities. I just feel like an outsider and although their experiences are valid, they don't have too much in common with me other than being lgbt as well. Anywho, welcome!
Thank you all for welcoming me online and for understanding about my issues <3 Yeah, the feelings of isolation from the LGBT community seem to be very common among people That's why it was best for me to sign up here and find support <3
Life is a long series of mistakes, misinterpretations, and figuring things out. Very few people know right away what career they want, what religion (if any) is right for them, or where they want to live out their days (if work doesn't dictate that), let alone their orientation. You're a lesbian if women are what you like, no matter what you originally thought.
Wow! You're totally right about this... Excellent point. Thank you. Unfortunately, some people kinda "fired back" at me. When I said that I may be a lesbian, since I have huge feelings for women both emotionally and sexually, this one person told me that it's just a phase that I'm going through, that I can't label myself lesbian since I never had experience with women. Kinda stabbed me in the back with that one
I know how you feel. I used to live in a very small town with no LGBT communities around at all - it is a very isolating experience. But how old are you? You sound quite young, so you shouldn't be worried too much - when you are done with school, you can move to another place for university and meet lots of LGBT people. For now don't identify with ''lesbian'' too much. You aren't just your sexuality, you are much more. Do other things that you enjoy and can do, explore other parts of yourself - do something creative, read, work out, hang out with friends, find new activities, whatever you like. If you focus too much on one thing that you don't have right now and place the blame on yourself, you will end up very depressed. Appreciate what you have and realize that you not having real life lesbian friends is due to circumstances you're in, it is not your fault. You sound like a very nice and fun person, there is no need to feel bad about yourself. (*hug*)
Welcome. I, too, live in an isolated community. No LGBT communities. Hey, I don't even have any gay friends. I, too, tried to make myself straight. And I have also felt alone. You are a lesbian if you like women. It's that simple. People might tell you that you're going through a phase, or that it's just admiration or something, but only YOU know your own orientation. If you like girls, you like girls. You don't need proof and you don't need unhelpful people in your life. For many people, the difficult lives of the LGBT+ people goes completely under their radar. You are not alone, and you should be proud that you are brave enough to seek help. (*hug*) May you find the answers you seek here. (&&&)
Something I realized over time is your orientation doesn't guarantee you will relate better to other lgbt people. We're all different, have different likes and dislikes, come from different backgrounds. You could discuss lgbt issues with other gay people, but there are also many things you could disagree on. Having said that I often wish I had some gay/bi friends in real life. I also live in place where it's difficult to meet anyone, partly because of me not being a social person and partly because there aren't any active lgbt communities and events around here. Do I feel lonely because I'm not a part of any lgbt community? No, I feel lonely because I don't have people in my life who I can relate to. Sometimes all it takes is one person who understands you.
Hey Thanks for responding to this. To answer your question, I'm actually 21 years old, even though people think I look like I'm 18. But yeah, I think I sounded a bit immature when I posted this thread online. And no, I'm not in college or anything, I'm just basically working, as I am afraid of attending college (had horrible experiences in both public and high school) *sigh* yeah, instead of focusing so much on finding lesbian friends and maybe a relationship (sorry, I'm just really lonely at this moment), just do what you said, hang out with friends or do something fun, etc. It's just that.. Life is hard living as a "different" person. I don't know who I am anymore. My question is "Why do I ONLY like women so much?" As I said, I wish I was rather born a hetero guy Anyways, thanks for your advice <3 ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2014 at 10:51 AM ---------- First of all, thank you. I'm relieved that you didn't fire back at me about my sexual orientation, unlike what some people did. To be honest, I really don't know of who I am anymore. I like women, but no feelings for men, but never slept with women. So yeah, I'm just confused about everything lately and I still am One of the LGBT Youthline volunteers told me to get help, before my depression gets worse ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2014 at 10:51 AM ---------- First of all, thank you. I'm relieved that you didn't fire back at me about my sexual orientation, unlike what some people did. To be honest, I really don't know of who I am anymore. I like women, but no feelings for men, but never slept with women. So yeah, I'm just confused about everything lately and I still am One of the LGBT Youthline volunteers told me to get help, before my depression gets worse ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2014 at 10:57 AM ---------- Good point, yeah. To be honest, I never made many friends in my life The town I live in sucks, because it's always difficult for me to meet new friends, whether gay or straight :/ So yeah, it's not just lack of LGBT communities
I don't really understand the mindset of people who lash out at an orientation or dismiss it. Perhaps it has to do with having heard people say that and not mean it (such as after breaking up, etc), but if so it's a shame that people who are genuinely having those feelings get lumped in. I hope someone here can shed some light on what these people think you're saying besides that you like women. Some will be dismissive or confrontational (I got the "phase" talk from my mother), but others will hear the whole story and listen.
Sadly, I don't understand it either, and I'll never understand some people It kinda hurts me after a while, even though I tried my best to ignore insults and just "be myself" As you said, "some will be dismissive or comfrontational, others will hear the whole story and listen." I guess it's the way life is :/ Everyone has different opinions and such, either good or bad :/
I can relate to some of the things that you have said so know for one thing that you are not alone in feeling like this. I'm UK based and where I live the LGBT isn't exactly big but it's not exactly non existent either. It's like I know its there I just don't know how to be a part of it if that makes any kind of sense. Besides it's all gay clubs and partying etc etc which really doesn't interest me to point where I too feel alone and isolated since the only gay people I know are on EC. Low self esteem is also something I deal with on a daily basis as well and what helped me was to talk to people, think of all the good things I have in my life (which I know is hard when your feeling down). Don't ever feel ashamed though of what you have done in the past. We all make mistakes and the best thing to do is to learn from and grow into a better person for it. I know my advice can somewhat non helpful sometimes but I just felt the need to post a reply. EC is here for you
In my small hometown the small group of gay people all had this "that sucks for you" attitude so it was impossible to meet them or even talk to them. I do think its easier in a bigger city to find people that are like you like glbt organizations or clubs.
Yeah, I see what you mean. A friend of mine (whom I rarely hang out often) drove me to Mississauga (which is like over an hour away from my area) to this group that may interest me. Well, the people in this group (which is more for Trans* people than for gays, lesbians, bisexuals) mostly kinda have an attitude to me. Also, it doesn't help me as much as EC community. I don't hate that small group, but it's not for me, you know? So yeah, I understand of what you're talking about ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2014 at 10:24 AM ---------- Well, thank you very much I believe your advice was very helpful, very encouraging ^^ I'm trying my best not to feel ashamed of myself or anything. Yeah, I think there are gay clubs in Toronto, but partying is never my thing. I rather go to support groups and such, somewhere that is quiet really. Plus, I find EC very helpful to me. It was the right decision joining here
