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confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHELP!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Straight ally, Jan 7, 2014.

  1. Straight ally

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    ugh...so confusing

    this is what happened:

    i got interested in a girl, lets call her 'M', i didnt knew her too well, but my bestfriend is her neighbor.

    while stalking looking at her instagram photos i saw she made some abstract drawings, i smiled to myself, not only that information made her more an interesting person but also triggered the development of a plan in my head.

    I like doing abstract drawings and paints , and something i like to do is experimenting with drawing and painting in a big paper sheet along another person, simultaniously in the same paper. That way both styles merge and lets say dance around each other.

    so my plan was to invite her to draw together, she liked the idea. We couldnt start inmediatly as we where both very busy with college. But i had already gotten her interest, so as soon as vacation where to begin i would be able to go on a cool-original date with a possibly interesting, certainly hot girl work on my proyect with her.

    when vacations began i wasnt sure how to tell her, how to remind her, so i spent a few days not daring/thinking...when something nice happened... she remembered by herself without me having to say anything, she told me by message "hey! when are we going to paint?! we are on vacation!" or something like that, it was an enthusiastic message.

    But something happened so she wasnt able to paint the day we agreed..and i tried again and for another reason it didnt happened, i dont remember well... the point is i didnt mentioned it to her again, because either she flaked or in the case her excuse was real, anyhow, after me attempting it twice, that was enought for it to be her turn to propose a day ... time passed by and nothing...

    this is already confusing, cause ok, i understand, somepeople flake, maybe she didnt knew how to tell me she didnt want to paint...the problem is... if that is true...why did she told me "hey! when are we going to paint?! we are on vacation!" in the first place, the logical step to avoid me would have been saying nothing...when you want to avoid doing something with someone you dont let that person remember that something, and you dont show interest...

    this is very confusing...but it gets more confusing...

    months passed by, i kept chatting with her from time to time (scarcely, maybe once a month,small talk/moderate talk), but i didnt talk about painting, i didnt mention it, i wasnt even pursuing as i felt that possibility was closed. it was more casual-friendly chatting...one day i saw she had a drawing in the profile picture of her whatsapp... the very same drawing that began everything, and i said something like "the cool drawing :grin:!" and she said "thanks :slight_smile:", i let it at that... after like an hour of that she said this " hey, i have an idea...i want to decorate my bedroom, lets use one of the walls as our canvas :slight_smile:"

    i was surprised, being admitted at a girl's room doesnt necesarily mean anything i suppose...but... its certainly more personal than drawing somewhere else in a paper...we made plans, we couldnt do anything yet as we where in the middle of the semester, busy with classes and all that... so the idea was to paint on december during vacation..

    ... she traveled over sea... so we had to postpone it until she returned... i waited... and yesterday(january 6) i found out she had returned 25 of december, that is like 2 weeks...

    what the frog does this mean!??:tantrum: :bang:

    i really need help please
     
  2. Jinkies

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    She may still want to do it, but got busy. That happens with me a TON of times. I'll want to edit someone's project and it'll get about half done before my plate fills up and I need to move onto some other things. Or I'll say I'll start working on it on a certain day and can't start then because of an emergency, or something else I completely overlooked.
     
  3. AKTodd

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    Honestly, I think you need to take a more businesslike approach to this. Meaning treat not being able to make a meeting the same way it is done in the business world with an immediate request for a reschedule to a new date and time that is agreed to and set before the conversation ends.

    You need to spend less time worrying about whose turn it is to raise the subject again and simply keep pushing for it to happen until it does or until she clearly and explicitly tells you she doesn't want to do it.

    I also don't really buy the 'school is so busy we just can't find any free time to get together'. Unless you have absolutely no time to engage in any form of recreation at all (meaning the only time you are not doing school stuff or work you are sleeping, each and every day 7 days a week) then it seems to me you could find a few hours for this. And if it is literally physically impossible, then where are you finding all thus time to look at her pics and chat and stuff? And how are you going to have any time to have a relationship, which seems to be the goal here?

    If you can make time to want her, and to be with her if it works out then you have time to get to know her and try to win her over.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
  4. Darren18

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    thats harder than appears, on my personal experiences, casual ones, i had a few similar situations than him, only with no drawings involved lol, and sometimes they just dont say i dont want to or i am not interested, some girls are interested one day and the other day are making excuses, cause she might be interested but not sure at the moment, so she might keep kicking you discretely till she finally never talks to you again :smilewave :grin: but if you get the lucky turn she will actually do it and you might start something with her, some actually do it to see how insisting you are, in his case i think if he tried several times to apply to the date subject, he should just wait and if she is decided she will do it out of the hat,
    yes sadly some woman like to test their mate, not all ofc but some dont even like it when you are too available there, and suddenly when you cut showing interest they retake a former subject about a plan together, confusing stuff isnt it? :rolle:
     
  5. Straight ally

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    The problem is not simply time, is also coordination and planifying... Cause she study dentistry and i study civil engineering, hard to coordinate a time we are both free....but ok, there is probably time somewhere... But the rage of the end of semester+the fact im not very used to dating(is a weak area of mine actually) override my mind, i dont know get how to manage so muchnthings simultaniously...

    And i only might spend a few minutes checking her photos or chatting with her...and that doesnt happen daily...

    ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2014 at 05:41 PM ----------

    Exactly! I know why they reject indirectly, there are many guys who would get offended if rejected more directly...but personally i would prefer direct rejection, or better... It would be nice if a women just began telling you everything you have been doing wrong step by step, that way one would be able to improve. But whatever, i guess there are many things women dont understand about us either...sometimes i wonder what confusing things do i or other guys do.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2014 at 05:43 PM ----------

    Thanks to those who have answered. The 3 perspective have been useful to compare...

    I hope to see more people commenting. That would be nice :slight_smile:
     
  6. sharkpool

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    i'm with you in this one. some girls can be so difficult to understand sometimes!
    i think the fact that she asked you to help her paint her bedroom means that she is interested (at least friendship) because i see it as something permanent that she will see everyday. i believe she was truly busy (or has forgotten about it) and not that she made up and excuse.
    also, you don't describe the type of relationship you have with her. why don't you casually ask her to go to the cinema with you or something like that. not exactly as a date but to see what's up. and if everything goes ok and you think she's into you, talk about drawing again.
     
  7. Straight ally

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    Yes,A friend of mine arrived at a similar conclusion

     
  8. sharkpool

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    what i meant with "relationship" was if you guys hung out, texted, or if it was awkward when you were with her in real life. maybe if you are not very close that's why she doesn't seem to be so sure?

    note: i have no idea of how to answer to the wall messages x)
     
  9. Straight ally

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    Well, inviting her to paint on a paper was my first attempt to hang out with her, but as you see, it didnt happen. We sometimes do text, but most of the time im the one who initiate text conversations. Other forms of communication, sometimes we stumble before a class and small talk. Also brief comment-conversations at instagram bellow any of my pictures she find interesting or whatever. In that last case at least she is the initiator usually.

    Im considering stopping initiating for a while, maybe she needs space or something.
     
  10. sharkpool

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    i wouldn't do that unless i felt like i was smothering her. and this doesn't seem to be your case.
    and personally, i love people who initiate the conversations because i'm too shy and i wouldn't do that myself.
    i suggest not giving up and trying to "casually stumble" upon her (;
     
  11. Darren18

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    totally, what you said is the best way they could proceed so you can actually get a better try, and some girls actually do it or simply dont care about your steps if they like you, but others change their mind a lot, and they just left you hanging there with doubts on your head or cant be straight about something cause of what you mentioned, trust me if you tried it more than once, or at least 3 times :lol: and she was still ehh i dont know ill see if i can, then dont keep trying, to their perspective your insisting (i will do the same if i am into the girl) is makin you too much available and she will think ull still be there even she takes years to decide honestly, and something to consider i actually heard this from many girls before, many once they get the ''friend'' image of a guy on their first meet ups then they will just threat you as friend cause is ''weird'' to them move to something major, honestly a lot of girls told me the same before
     
  12. Lexington

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    Wrong personal pronoun, but...

    [​IMG]

    It sounds like she's vaguely open to the idea, but only when there's nothing else going on. Which means yeah, she might still do it, but it's just not a huge priority for her. If you want it to happen, you're going to have to take the initiative. And if she starts begging off, I'd say those actions speak louder than words.

    Lex
     
  13. Straight ally

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    Re: confusing situation...is this flaking or what the hell!?...EmotionrollercoasterHE

    Well i dont think she is shy as she is a bit party-going, im probably the shy one of the 2 of us....but well im not going to give up,in the mean time i will do the "casual stumble"

    (By the way,ike 90% of my stumblings with her are "casual" :lol: )

    ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2014 at 05:33 AM ----------

    Oh by the way...i talked with her and of course she didnt tell me she arrived... But that is because her house is still in remodelation, with means her room is full of rubble right now.

    ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2014 at 05:41 AM ----------

    Is interesting how sometimes when you decide to stop insisting some person usually make their minds suddenly, like 'oh! He is losing interest!, let do something !'

    But you cannot be totally uninterested, is like you have to find the exact place of the interest-desinterest spot, with varies from a person to other. At least that is what i feel

    ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2014 at 05:47 AM ----------

    If you are too desinterested, she might think: 'he isnt that into me, lets move on' but if you act too eager she might think 'he is so desperate'

    This is sort of a problem for me, cause when i get into the unknown my usual reactions are either evading or being too eager, i either go running away or i run forward. This is something about me that, I have been working on.