Ok so I really like a girl I work with, I have a huuuuge crush on her and I can tell she definitely likes me a lot too.... But I found out she is currently seeing another girl who we also work with... The other girl however has a wife!! So it's not serious, in fact I think my lovely friend tried to tell me she's not really into this other girl and only likes her as a friend.... But the girl seems to really like her and be really jealous of me... So my friend has backed off from me somewhat We can have a really good day and then the next day can be shit, with her avoiding me and being really awkward toward me (that happened today) SO, how do I play it??! I know she feels our connection too, and I just don't want anything negative to come between us... She is the sweetest person in the world.... Do u think the affair with the married girl will burn itself out, and if so when? It seems to me like it's already burned out for her, but not for the other girl..... Can anyone say how I should go about things to minimise damage to my relationship with my friend? I wanna respect her and give her space but I don't want her to think I'm giving up on her cos I could never do that!!!
This is pretty complicated, partially because everybody is female and all the personal pronouns run together. So let me give people some names. There's you - Sea. There's the girl you work with whom you fancy - Shore. There's the girl you both work with whom Fancy works with - Island. And, just in case, let's call Island's wife Peninsula. So you, Shore and Island all work together. You sort of have a thing for Shore, but Shore is dating somebody else - Island. Who is married to Peninsula. Got it. Here's the thing. Shore apparently is totally fine with being in a non-exclusive relationship. If she had a problem with it, she wouldn't be dating Island (who is married). Given that, maybe Shore'd be fine with dating you, as well. Now, it might be that you're not interested in Shore unless you could be in an exclusive relationship - that's totally your call. So let me give two bits of advice - one for each scenario. If you're OK with being in a non-exclusive relationship, you can just ask Shore out. "I've given it some thought, and I think I'd really like to go out with you sometime. I think you're still seeing Island, maybe? I'm OK with that if you want to keep seeing her, too, but I thought I'd at least see if there was any interest." If you're NOT OK with being in a non-exclusive relationship, you'll have to approach a bit more delicately. "I have sort of a weird question for you, Shore. I was thinking about asking you out, but I wasn't sure if you were still seeing Island." If she says she's still seeing her, you can say "OK, I wanted to make sure. I'm kind of only interested in an exclusive relationship, so I probably should just pass." You can discuss it further if you'd like. Lex
