Feeling like I am changing and not being myself because I want to be like others...

I am not one for no strings attached fun, one night stands etc

But after hearing that a friend of mine who I really fancy is into nsa fun and hooks up with guys every single week (friends with benefits) and random new guys too.

I just feel a massive urge to be like that as well. Tbh all my life I never thought I'd ever even think about being that kind of person. Not that there is anything from with it though, each to their own. I don't look down on people ever.
Tbh I have loads of friends, straight friends who always hook up with people too but knowing that never bothered me.

It seems that it could be bothering me this time because I fancy this person. In the past I also had a crush on a straight guy and when I found out he hooked up with loads of women, I also felt the need too. But obviously I am gay and never did. But this time its different the guy who I am admiring is gay.

I know its not wrong to pursue these activities but its not my character usually (i know people can change though).

I also think about other friends that I have. Ones that are in serious relationships and have never really been into sleeping around. But it doesn't help me, I don't feel I can copy them...i seem to want to change my life in a huge way...i am bit scared of what I am thinking in my head lately but it could be a good experience i suppose.

sorry for ranting

 

Re: Feeling like I am changing and not being myself because I want to be like others.

Thanks
Interesting question. I think I would feel better about myself and not think about this guy as much anymore. Also it made me realise I needed to get myself out there as I am 26 and still not living a normal adult life i.e. no intimacy with other people

Obviously I feel a bit down that I won't even get to be intimate with this guy but meeting new guys and having some fun should I think open my mind to whats out there and help me grow as a person.

I just feel like, its not fair these guys I have fancied are having fun and getting it. I want their lifestyle too...

 

Re: Feeling like I am changing and not being myself because I want to be like others.

Ahh thanks ElliaOtaku. Yes I will have to clearly think about it, if its something i am wanting to do for sure. Well until I find a guy that I like who is willing to do it with me lol.
I thought I found my perfect match the other day (a really tall dark and handsome pianist) but all of a sudden he decided to stop talking to me online. When he was the one who initiated conversation. We spoke to each other on and off for a day and exchanged photos (not dirty ones though so i generally was really enjoying chatting to him). But now hes ignoring me...what gives? Your right LONELINESS is a cold hearted bitch sometimes

 

Re: Feeling like I am changing and not being myself because I want to be like others.

Yeah I continued talking like normal and he never replied. So later I asked him if he got my messages and he actually replied...he apologized and said the app was playing up on his phone and he lost everything...sounds suspicious...
So I continued to talk and again he is ignoring me again...even though it says hes been online multiple times through out the day.
why do people get our hopes up like this... :/ I dunno if to message him one final time and say "i know ur ignoring me and its fine, just have the guts and tell me you changed your mind about me instead of leaving me guessing"

You know he seemed like a really nice guy. I told him about my situation and he said i was still young at 26 and he said he thought i was cute and would be up for even having FUN with me. But he also asked for more pictures. Which I don't get. We already exchanged about 3 pictures each. Why do people continually want more pics? again bit suspicious

 

Re: Feeling like I am changing and not being myself because I want to be like others.

Yeah tbh I wasn't really going to send that message as it does seem aggressive lol. I will give him a day or two and see if he replies.
The last message I sent him today was saying that I am up for some fun with him lol. Not my usual character but I said it anyway.

I don't want to take adult pictures of myself. Maybe my chest but defo not my private part. Why do most people on these apps swap private part pics? Lol

I spoke to a 33 year old guy today on it. He is so handsome. I was surprised he spoke to me coz I initiated the convo. But he asked for private pics later on in the convo and it was going so well. I asked him is someone's face not enough? He said he's on here for fun so likes to see private pics also but he said obviously I'm talking to you because ur handsome but now he just wanted extra pics.

I feel like if I don't give adult pics then the deal is off and they become uninterested lol

 

Re: Feeling like I am changing and not being myself because I want to be like others.

Yeah glad we agree. Surprisingly i got a response off him (just checked my phone). He says hes glad to hear i want fun and then asked for dirty pics directly. i havent replied yet coz its late. Think i need to sleep on it but even then only my chest. I have dignity and will not allow myself to cross the line and send someone a picture of my willy lol.
also i hope he aint fake. I will have to ask him for some more pics.