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Someone lacking in confidence in a relationship with someone who is confident

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Beware Of You, Jan 8, 2014.

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  1. Beware Of You

    Beware Of You
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    So I have had a rough time of late having struggled with depression for a couple of years now about my sexuality and how it appeared to get in the way of my life.

    Anyway I gave a guy a chance and we are in a relationship and things are going alright, we have sex, and do stuff together, but he is far more confident than I am. I have self esteem problems and think I am unattractive (despite the number of times he has said I am beautiful and I guess people hitting on me) but he wants to show me off to all his friends, he wants me to hold his hand in public, he has kissed me in the middle of Dublin several times and just stuff like that.

    I get all nervous around this stuff though, I have little confidence and just blend into the shadows around his friends which is lame and I have this idea that I am not good enough for him even though its nonsense.

    i remember the first time we were intimate I was nervous and all awkward and when he took off my top he could see the cuts I had done, I just felt that he didn't need that and could do better.

    Maybe its the depression, maybe its every guy I had let get close to me used me as a easy shag i don't know. He must see something in me that I don't
     
    #1 Beware Of You, Jan 8, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2014
  2. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Oh you're plenty cute! Unfortunately that's not going to be enough to fix the issue at hand but I thought I'd say it anyway! So there!

    ANYWAY. I suppose my biggest question is how do all these things affect you? If he kisses you in public, how do you feel afterwards?
     
    #2 BookDragon, Jan 8, 2014
  3. Beware Of You

    Beware Of You
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    Lol thanks I guess

    I kinda blush and I get all twitchy in case some thug is going to beat me up or something (Yes I am paranoid)
     
    #3 Beware Of You, Jan 8, 2014
  4. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Have you talked to him about this?
     
    #4 BookDragon, Jan 8, 2014
  5. Beware Of You

    Beware Of You
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    Yeah he tells me I need to calm down
     
    #5 Beware Of You, Jan 8, 2014
  6. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    What a helpful response...

    On the one hand he has a point, working yourself up won't help, but it's a really insensitive thing to say to someone!!

    I'm no expert on confidence building, but it seems to me like asking him to just let you build up with small things for a while might be necessary. After all if you're not enjoying it, and you don't want him to do it and he's doing it anyway...not exactly a good thing...
     
    #6 BookDragon, Jan 8, 2014
  7. Beware Of You

    Beware Of You
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    I don't get whats with me, I am really confident in private. I mean I am a very sexual person more so than my boyfriend but we are very compatible with each other.

    Its just publicly I am like that and I don't think its fair on him. He wants to show me off to his friends and family. He wants to take me to pride with him and make me go topless stuff like that and I am just all shy.

    Maybe its because I have been gay bashed with affected me a bit and I need time to get over that
     
    #7 Beware Of You, Jan 9, 2014
  8. BookDragon

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    Well in private it's different, you're just sharing between you and him. Confidence is linked to comfort, if you're not comfortable around strangers you won't necessarily feel as confident.

    As for being fair on him, that's where you both need to compromise, because obviously you want him to feel like he CAN do these things, but you aren't comfortable with them right now. I can completely relate, I would feel really weird about a lot of these things. Holding hands in public? Go for it...topless at a pride parade? HEEEELL no...
     
    #8 BookDragon, Jan 9, 2014
  9. Beware Of You

    Beware Of You
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    See I love the concept of being topless with my pride pink hair, but I lack the confidence to go through it in reality. Pride is like another 6 months, I had time to work on it I guess.

    Being depressed (the form where I am up and down like a yoyo) is making it harder.
     
    #9 Beware Of You, Jan 9, 2014
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