Really confusing friend, don't know what to do anymore.

Hello everyone!

So i have this friend, we've been friends for like 5 years now and i met him and some other guys when they were 16, he just turned 21 and i'm 27, had my birthday one week ago.

So since the very beginning, i always thought that he was kinda different than the others, that he was a bit into guys although he had several girlfriends, and one long-term relationship, around 3 years as far as i can remember. Sometimes he was just a bit more friendly than he was supposed to be.

Anyway, fast forward a few years, when he was around 19, he told me to go sleep at his house because his folks werent there etc, it wasn't the first time he'd ask me to do that.

We had a few drinks, one thing led to another and before i even realized it, he ended up sucking me (sorry for being so blunt) and at one point he said in a "funny" way "bring the condoms" and laughed, but i dont really know if he actually meant it or not. Then all of a sudden, he just stopped and whispered (i'm going to bed, goodnight) and just left and also locked his bedroom door. Well that was weird.

We never talked about it, and after a few months i visited him for like a week, (he was living alone) and he never tried anything again, drunk or sober and i'm also certain he was actually avoiding even touching me lol. Then 1 day before i left he said out of the blue "I've tried and i have decided that i'm only into girls" and i was like "okay".

To be honest, before he told me that, i wanted to go along with it and see where it leads but after he said "i'm straight" (November 2012) i just stopped. Everything was great and i completely forgot about it up until 3 days ago. So one year after, i decided to visit him for a few days again. He lives with 2 other roomies now, i know them both, cool guys.

Everything was smooth, we had a great time, lots of laughs etc, then one night when the other guys left and his room mate went to bed along with his girlfriend, my friend started acting a bit weird, like kissing me (on the cheek ofcourse) a few times which he almost never does. Then he got into the shower, came out after a few minutes with a towel around his waist, he was like "pssst". I turn my head and he was flashing his penis at me..he did that around 3-4 times and then he put some clothes on.

Later that night, we smoked some weed, (like any other day) and he was doing the thing with his penis again, like taking it out of his pants, showing off and in the pants again. He was also sort of playing with mine, too. He was trying to jerk me off reaaaally fast so i would cum and he was laughing while doing it. I was lying on the couch, and he just came at me and he sat on my penis ( i was wearing pajamas) and he started moving back and forth and said "is this how you guys do it?" (yes he knows i'm gay). Ofcourse i got hard in a second and he obviously didn't have any problem with that, it's like he was teasing me. He went back at his couch, then came back to sit on it again...he did that 4 or 5 times where he finally lowered his pajamas and told me to lower mine too so he could "try" to sit on it without any clothes. Ofcourse he was really clumsy, sat there for like 3 seconds then got up and said "See? it's not working". Then he said "It's late, we should get to bed" and left although i asked him to stay.

Sounds familiar? Oh yea, he did that again 1 year and a half before. This is just not funny anymore. He almost wanted me to fuck him, then he's like "i'm straight", then almost 2 years afterwards he does this shit again. Oh boy...

Honestly, i didn't really care back then but recently when we were in a trip to Amsterdam me, him and 1 other straight friend of mine (he also knows im gay) in the hotel, he fell asleep with his head and hand on my chest and he seemed so peaceful, calm and beautiful. My other friend was right next to us and said it was weird him sleeping on my chest but i didn't give a shit really. Ofcourse this is just a small thing but i guess i'm a hopeless romantic and it means at least something to me.

Thing is, i never realised up until now how beautiful and amazing he is. (well despite some flaws but we all got some don't we!) I think i'm developing feelings for him and i can't really control it and i REALLY don't know what to do. I have no idea if he ever brings up what happened the other day, or if he stops for another year and a half or God knows what is he thinking.

I'm sorry for the wall of text and thanks in advance.

Cheers!

 

Hello there and thanks for the very quick response!

Yeah, it's definitely not a thing but what bugs me is why did he "suck off", then wanted to go further (in my opinion), then all of a sudden stop and go to bed, few months afterwards tell me he's straight and 1 year later pull off this shit again? (and mind you his room mate was sleeping next door, what if he woke up lol) He had literally HUNDREDS of other chances to do something in the meantime, but he didn't. And i know for a fact that he's dating a girl now. Well they're not into a relationship, he says that they just date for now.

I REALLY want to bring it up but i'm afraid i might push him away and it scares the shit out of me. Funny thing, claiming to "i've tried and i've decided i'm only into girls" but then a year after trying to sit on someone's dick. "Straight" people these days....

This is so true. A few months ago i was dating a guy but it didn't work out and it devastated me. It took me some time to pull myself together but i got there. I was ready to get into the "market" again. But after what happened with my friend, my feelings are starting to get stronger and stronger and i think i'll end up being heartbroken again.

Look at me, i'm 27 years old and i never, ever, had a single proper relationship in my entire life. It's really easy to find sex these days but i'm not like that. I won't have sex with someone i dont have feelings for. Hell, even being in someones arms and cuddle is good enough for me. Naive, i know.

@TheGuardian: That's easier said than done hehe. I know you're completely right but maybe he wasn't really trying to lead me on, he was just "experimenting" although he said back then "i've decided". Idk lol.

I'm just scared i might lose him completely if i confront him about it. I need to handle this delicately.

I won't be seeing him for another month and a half because he's a college student in a different town now, like 2 hours with the bus from where i live although i can visit him whenever i want and he sometimes comes too for a few days.

 

@Ellia: Okay i totally get it now!! Thank you!

 

Trust me i will. I haven't seen him yet and i'm not really sure when's that going to be. I wanted to talk to him about it via facebook but i don't really think that's a very good idea lol.

Actually, when i see him, i'll probably chicken out because even the idea of talking to him about it terrifies me. And honestly, it's been a week since i was at his place and it's all i can think about. Maybe i shouldn't have gone there in the first place. Oh well, c'est la vie.

 

Wow, Filip, what an amazing and extremely informative reply, right there.

Exactly, that's why i'm scared to death of how i should handle this. I don't want to push him even deeper in the closet (that is, is he's not straight). Thing is, even long before i told him i'm gay, he still used to do things to me a normal straight guy wouldn't do. Like touching my you know what, or asking to see it lol. So even after i told him i'm gay, that's when he made the major move which was 1 year and a half before and the one week ago, but always under the influence of either alcohol, or weed.

When he's sober, he'd only touch my private area, or my butt but nothing major. I don't normally let people do that to me, but it's different with him.

I can't really confront him about it when i'm sober, but doing it while drunk might have a really bad outcome, so i'll just have to find the courage to do it.

What if, even one in a million, he turns out to be bi/gay whatever? What am i going to do then?

And i guess you're right Filip, i shouldn't rush it or worry about it, at some point i'll fine "The One"!

Again, thanks a lot for your advices guys, you've been truly helpful.

 

Hello Filip!

You're right, i shouldn't wait until it "naturally comes up. But being alone with him is a rare thing since he lives with other 2 roommates. I'll try to find an opening, though.

I just need to plan this very carefully so i won't scare him back into the closet because even if i make it all about me, he might still get scared, because i've known him for a long time. I'm pretty sure he's been conflicted with those feelings for a very long time now and i doubt he'll ever convince himself that it's not just a phase. (well, maybe it is)

Then, even if one in a million he turns to be bi/gay and comes out to me i'll try and be as supportive i can and avoid any romantic stuff since he'll be vulnerable and i don't want to take an advantage of the situation.

In fact, i'm going to see him tomorrow and i'll stay there for like 2-3 days. It's kinda an expensive trip but i really do want to see him so we can hang out with the other guys too and stuff. If i do find a chance to talk to him about it, that's cool, if not, well next time!

Thanks again for advice Filip, i appreciate it.

take care