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Coming Out a Second Time

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by melowillow8, Jan 14, 2014.

  1. melowillow8

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    How can I come out a second time? This time being 100% truthful?

    A while ago, I was in the car with my mother. Something that had happened earlier that day had really upset me. A friend of my mom stated some extremely hurtful and homophobic things. I was crying in the car and my mom asked me what was wrong. The only way I saw I could explain what had happened was to come out to her while stating that her friend had really offended me. That was my plan, at least. I suppose that I...halfway suceeded. I chickened out a bit and instead of coming out as lesbian, I came out as bisexual. At the last moment, I thought that my mom may not be accepting of me if I came out as a lesbian and she may have negative responses, so my brain decided to lie. Or only tell half of the truth. However you choose to look at it. Either way, I guess I did that so that my mother would think of me in a closer to normal way, as in she would still think that I may have the ability to be attracted to those of the opposite sex.

    For a while I was a little bit more happy than I had been. I didn't completely have to lie to my mother. This probably wouldn't have been such a major issue, coming out again, if I hadn't told the majority of my friends and the person who is now my girlfriend that I was bi as well. Like with my mother, I felt that they wouldn't be accepting if I came out as homosexual, especially because I have actually pretended to be straight for quite a while and I live in a tiny, rural town where there are more churches than office buildings. I didn't really think they would take me seriously.

    Lately, I have really become aware that it was awful of me to lie to them like that especially since bisexuality and homosexuality are definitely separate orientations. I feel like I have just added to the stereotype that 'bisexuality is just a phase' even though I am well aware that it is not. If I could comfortably come out a second time, being truthful, I would have done it by now but feel that at this point that that would just confuse and anger many of the people I know, though. It's not that I haven't accepted the fact that I am a lesbian but the fact that I am already really pushing it with people's friendliness towards me with sort-of identifying as bisexual makes afraid to come out truthfully.

    I want to be able to be who I am and do so in a way that would upset the least amount of people.

    Does anyone have any advice they would be willing to share? I would really appreciate it if someone would be willing to help.
     
  2. YuriBunny

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    Do you know whether your mom is homophobic or not?
     
  3. melowillow8

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    She has shown to be not too fond of homosexuals but compared to some of the people that I have encountered, I wouldn't go so far as to say that she is completely homophobic.
     
  4. YuriBunny

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    So how did she react to you saying you were bi?
     
  5. melowillow8

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    She was quiet for a few seconds before sighing and saying that despite that she wouldn't hate me. I could tell that she wasn't particularly thrilled, though. She still isn't and it seems that she doesn't really want to believe it.
     
  6. YuriBunny

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    Well if it doesn't seem like she's accepted it yet, maybe you should wait a while before coming out as a lesbian. If she's still uncomfortable with the idea of you being bi, she could really have a problem with you being a lesbian. This way it's kinda like breaking it to her in steps.
     
  7. melowillow8

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    That's a good idea 'u'
    Thank you!