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Have I given up at life already?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Beware Of You, Jan 15, 2014.

  1. Beware Of You

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    My Mum has said that its starting to look like that I am starting to give up at life. When I was younger I wanted to be a commercial pilot, I managed to save up and get my pilot's license by 19 (I got a cleaning job as a teen) and this was like 6,000 I had to spend (my parents put a bit towards it though) and I used to love flying.

    But since then things have happened, I came out as gay (I hid it from everyone) and I don't know but I have lost so many friends in the process its just making me feel worthless, I rarely speak to any of my friends anymore, I haven't been out in months, my Boyfriend puts up with me I don't know why, and I have stopped flying (not done it since October). I even paid for a holiday with some friends, but I felt awful so wasted the money and didn't bother going.

    Everyone keeps on saying that I should go to a church or something but being an atheist that would be daft
     
  2. AKTodd

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    You seem to be suffering from depression. You've posted many things you are unhappy about here and lots of folks have posted suggestions and ideas for addressing your concerns and dealing with the issues. But no one can make you do any of those things, or seek professional help, except you.

    You say you lost some friends as a result of coming out. That's unfortunate, but you apparently still have other friends so perhaps you should focus on them.

    You've posted several times about feeling that you've hurt your parents by being gay and not producing grandchildren. Several people have pointed out the flaws in this thinking and your parents are probably more concerned that you be happy than whether or not they have a grandchild who is a direct blood descendant or the like.

    You have a boyfriend who apparently cares a lot about you. That's more than a lot of people here can say. Perhaps you should focus on how good he makes you feel.

    You've talked about wanting to be a pilot and more recently about the cost. Surely you knew what the cost was going to be even before you started to work on getting your initial license and surely there are ways for people seeking a commercial pilots license to pay for the training. You just need to research and find out what it is.

    The bottom line is that there are solutions for the issues that you've raised. But first you need to work through/get rid of all these negative feelings about yourself that you seem to have. Because they seem to be paralyzing you and making you give up on everything and refuse to try before you've even started.

    Todd
     
  3. Beware Of You

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    The costs went up alot after I started thanks to a load of clubs going bankrupt.

    I struggle to make friends to be honest, I have no idea how I got into a relationship. I have to really try to make it work, I am constantly forcing myself to do things that I am not sure I want to do.

    My parents just offered to give me the money for the flight training from my inheritance (since I have no siblings) but I turned them down since I just wasn't happy risking money on something that I may fail at. Again Mum complained that "I don't take a chance over anything" and then reiterated the claim that I don't live.

    I am too scared to go back into therapy, I know it can help but I can't afford it and I am too busy at work to commit to it. I don't want to become one of those people who are in therapy all their lives.

    I have just given up on hope if I am honest. I'll just get disappointed if I try something ambitious
     
  4. AKTodd

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    IIRC this is your second BF actually. You were with a different guy (and seemed to be rather happy) when I first joined EC. So you seem to be better able to be outgoing to people then you think.

    What things are you forcing yourself to do?

    Failure is almost always a possibility for everything everyone does. Yet people do all kinds of things and succeed every hour of every day. You are letting fear of failure (among other things) paralyze you, apparently even though not trying means you won't achieve something you want, which makes you unhappy. Don't you see you're basically running around in a circle of your own making in this way?

    Surely you've failed at things in the past? And surely you just picked yourself up, tried again, and eventually succeeded.

    Because you're having such a wonderfully fun time with the current situation? If your parents are willing to throw tens of thousands of dollars at you for flight training, I'd suggest the odds are good that they might be willing to help you pay to get out of the mental space you're in that is preventing you from living.

    Work is a factor, but millions of people go to therapy and figure out a way to work it into their schedules. I suspect there is some kind of program out there that can work with yours.

    It's this attitude that indicates a need for therapy. You have absolutely no basis for this belief that I can see. For one thing I would point out that you took it upon yourself to learn to fly at a very young age, something that most would consider a pretty ambitious task - and you succeeded. I see no reason to think you can't succeed again, probably many times. But you need to get your head screwed on straight first.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
  5. Beware Of You

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    Its stuff like forcing myself to give him a chance, my old relationship went downhill fast and I came out of it self harming, I didn't want to get hurt again so I have this thing of locking people out of my life and just withdrawing from people.

    It was hard to let him take me out if I am honest, my friend practically forced me to go on the date