i have NO idea what to do about this, it is the most frustrating thing! i am pretty shy but i've been making an effort to talk to girls at queer bars ... i went last night with my friends (both straight guys) and started conversations with four girls but none of them seemed interested in talking to me. literally no girls have ever approached me, and i'm hit on by what feels like an endless barrage of men (they are so gross about it too, but that's another problem!). i went to a lesbian bar on new year's (most of the bars i go to have a queer vibe but are more like neighborhood dives, this was exclusively a lesbian bar) and EVEN THERE people asked me if i'm straight -- what the hell?! i present as very "femme" but should that really be a problem? i definitely see lesbians who are as conventionally feminine as me. could the problem be that i'm usually out with my guy friends? when i'm just with one of them i sort of understand, because it probably looks like we're a couple, but if there's three of us why should anyone assume? at first it was just irritating, but it's happened so many times now that i'm starting to feel like shit every time i go out. do i need to wear a sign around my neck that says "i'm a lesbian, please talk to me"?
Most people think I'm straight, and it doesn't bother me. Don't know why it'd bother you. Getting mad at someone not being able to guess your sexual orientation is like getting mad at them for not being able to guess your name. Personality does not dictate orientation. I am learning that heavily, and find that a lot of "straight" guys are more "typically gay" than I am. So you really can't tell.
it bothers me because i can't seem to meet any girls, and hate going to queer bars with the intention of meeting girls and having to ward off a million guys...and i hate that when i express interest in girls they seem to think i'm straight and blow me off.
^ Do you really wanna meet a girl at a bar? Not saying it's the worst choice, but you are cutting off tons of people that don't go to bars often. A lot of people don't enjoy the bar scene., I'd suggest just a dating site, I know it seems impersonal, but you will find the largest selection, and don't have to go to a loud ass bar to do so. I mean you can hardly hear other people at bars, it's not exactly a good place to "get to know someone" sure maybe drink and dance, but it's a conversation killer those bars.
and on a dating site you can Label yourself, which you obviously want to do; I have no problem with labels. You can identify as a lesbian, or go to a forum or dating site that is specifically for lesbians. I am sure there are plenty, even just a general interest website, or general interest event(in real life) that is sure to attract lesbians would be better. I understand your problem though, you aren't obvious so you are finding it hard to attract women because they are most likely passing you off for straight and not even bothering. Only thing I could suggest is to "butch" it up, but I don't think you wanna do that.
I wear a necklace with 2 venus symbols intertwined (the greek symbols) but usually don't have a problem with people thinking I'm straight, (people that I want them to know I'm not straight that is) even though I'm feminine. I do get hit on by straight guys all the time, (not in gay bars) but that's to be expected.
Hi, I sort of have this problem. I'm learning now that my family didn't think I was straight due to me never being a relationship with a woman. However, I think that to the outside world I look/act straight. I often wonder if this has deterred gay men from coming on to me. Still, I definitely will not be changing my personality to attract more men. I'm not sure what to do about this either but maybe someone here can help us out!
I can completely understand where you're coming from. Pretty much everyone assumes I'm straight, even friends that I've had for years and have been told that I like girls don't believe me. I think the reason for it is not fitting into most of the lesbian stereotypes. You could try getting some type of rainbow accessories to help you out.