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Can't decide if I'm butch or femme?!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by apostrophied, Jan 16, 2014.

  1. apostrophied

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    Ok, so this is a pretty silly issue, but it's really annoying: I can't decide if I'm butch or femme lol. Let me explain...

    I look very femme, long hair, tight shirts, tight jeans, girlyyyy coat, Uggs... Ok so you get the picture. I like pretty clothes, looking good, etc. Femmeeeee.

    And yet, I've had times when I was younger when I wore cargo shorts, wifebeaters, and flip flops every day. But I was in the closet, so I guess I figured out it was easier to be femme, and I still kinda liked looking cute.

    But lately, I feel like I want to go back to wearing "butch" clothes, especially that I'm becoming more comfortable with my identity and would not mind being seen as a lesbian. I pulled out my cargo shorts last fall and wore them for three days straight. It was great. Yet at the same time, when I go to the store, and I gravitate towards the "pretty" section and buy cute things that I truly genuinely like. But still, a few days later, I want to get my hair cut short, but it would look odd with all my girly clothes. I want to wear cargo pants, but no way, because this is the coat I'd have to wear them with.

    Basically, I feel pulled between the two sides, and I wish I could alternate from day to day. It's a bit annoying, because I feel I'm never myself.

    Has anyone been through something like this?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    Why can't you do both?
     
  3. apostrophied

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    Because that would be quite confusing to people around me (and to me, too), because my hair won't grow overnight if I cut it, and because I can't have two different wardrobes... =/
     
  4. BookDragon

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    Perhaps I'm being dense here, but I don't see why wearing cute things one day and cargo shorts the next would be confusing to anyone in the least...
     
  5. apostrophied

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    Or maybe I'm being ridiculous? I don't know. I guess I feel like I'm either a girl or a tom-boy, and can't switch from one day to another...

    ETA: You have to understand that my cargo shorts aren't the cute ones from the girls' section, but rather the rugged one's from the kid boys'... Plaid, to boot lol.
     
  6. stocking

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    It's hard to do both but i've seen some girls do both maybe you can be soft butch ? that's kinda in between also you can switch back and forth .
    I'm femme so I'm always girly all the time . Maybe if you want to get your hair cut try a nice bob ?
     
  7. 51chameleons

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    To get an idea of what "soft butch" looks like, you can look at some pictures of Tegan and Sara- I'm pretty sure that they can be described that way, and they're pretty fashion-forward to boot.

    Overall, though, just dress in a way that makes you comfortable. If you want to look butch, just start buying those kinds of clothes and build a wardrobe, and the process of doing it piece by piece may also make you more comfortable with the change. In addition, you can like girly clothes without wanting to wear them, and you can wear girly things with your butch clothes and still be butch, if that's what you're aiming for.
     
  8. apostrophied

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    Argh, see yesterday, all I wanted to do was take out my "butch" clothes and wear them, which I did and it was great.

    Today, the idea of wearing a guys' shirt is almost nausea-inducing lol.

    That's the very root of the problem: I swing back and forth, making it impossible to take a real position on the matter...

    I think I'm confused...? Lol.

    PS.: My apologies for the blatant grammar mistake in my last post. :O
     
  9. Seagypsy

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    Soft butch is the best, IMO, and me and the girls I'm into tend to do that :slight_smile:


    I just googled Tegan and Sara, and they are gorgeous! X
     
    #9 Seagypsy, Jan 17, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2014
  10. apostrophied

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    Can you give some examples of what a soft butch would wear?

    I must point this out, as it's a bit of a big deal: I am not a hipster, and wish to avoid the hispter look as much as possible...

    I like this outfit (if you can even call that an actual "outfit"...) I actually have that shirt, but a different color and a much deeper V-neck. Yeah, not very butch, I know lol. And the shoes too, but they hurt my feet last time I tried them...

    I'd kill for a button-down shirt that actually fits me (haven't found one yet, as I am tall with wide shoulders but I'm thin overall, which means they are too big and small at the same time).

    I'm definitely not into the whole vest thing (like this).

    Gahhh.
     
  11. Seagypsy

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    Those outfits are both really cute! I'd wear them esp the first one! I would say that is soft butch. And is that you in the photo, because that girl is reeeally cute!! :thumbsup:
     
  12. apostrophied

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    No way, that's Hannah Hart in both pics lol. Yeahhhh, she's cute. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Ok so at least I know one thing: jeans + AA tee + Keds (never mind that they kill my feet lol) = soft butch? Oh wait, my hair is still long. Bummer.
     
  13. Seagypsy

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    You can have long or shoulder length hair and still be soft butch, mine is shoulder length. I would go shorter but am not yet brave enough! Soft butch is about a blend of butch and fem x
     
  14. Huma

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    Soft butch (chapstick lesbian) is a good look! Btw, short hair can be styled in a way to look more feminine, when wearing girly clothes. There are a few shoulder length styles that look very androgynous (masculine AND feminine).
     
  15. fortheloveoflez

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    why does it matter?
     
  16. apostrophied

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    @fortheloveoflez: because a lot of times, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin because of it... Like, however I dress, I'm pretending to be something else. If I dress butch, I feel fake, but if I dress femme, I end up feeling fake sooner or later, too. I don't know how to explain it, I'm basically not happy with how I look but I can't figure out how I want to look, either... =\
     
  17. stocking

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    I'm a lipstick lesbian and don't always wear make some days I feel like wearing it so I do other days i want to be natural . I don't think I'm a fake .
    I think it shouldn't matter people switch styles all the time nothing is wrong with what you do and if you want to go in between and combine them both that' s fine too
    I'll give you an example I hope it helps there is a cosplayer named Jessie Pridemore she cost plays very feminine characters and also very masculine as well she likes to do both

    [​IMG]
    https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-5E1a789l850/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/CS_GshO7sdM/photo.jpg
    http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6219/6293027070_c077a84c03_b.jpg
    https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/378800000835797597/bc7ea804791407430fd6d09b01cd9ca1.jpeg

    I hope this helps but I think you should enjoy what you like and not deny it if you like to switch that's fine .some people will say messed up stuff about it but that doesn't mean your a fake it means your you . :icon_bigg
     
  18. fortheloveoflez

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    the way you dress should be an expression of yourself not of some one else. You don't need to fit in the categories. Just be you. If you want to wear make up one day then do it. If you want to NOT wear make up another day do that too. I find that I tend to shift that way...some days I am more femme than others...but I'm not dressing that way to fit the "femme" label you know? I'm just dressing that way because I choose to. Afterall, clothes can't say every thing about a person and it is nice some times to mix it up.
     
  19. stocking

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    This
     
  20. jagboy86

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    Butch or femme isn't your issue top or bottom is