Or to be honest, not exactly happy with it either. I e been feeling like this on and off for quite a while and well... Coupled with my social anxiety. It's not something I'm exactly happy about. "I'm gay" doesn't sound good to me. I mean what's good about it really. Yeah you could probably go and name some good things but in my opinion, it's not good. I've got enough problems in my life without worrying about this. Yes I'm out and yes I know that there's nothing I can do about but unlike some... If I had the option to change it. I would. Being gay doesn't make me me it's just this part of me that I wish I could change. Maybe it's cuz I'm not feeling too great at the moment but I know this has been on my mind for a while and wel... I just needed to vent. I put on the "yeah I'm happy with it" face because I don't want my parents to worry. God knows they've gone through enoûgheith me and my anxiety. Plus my dad has depression so it's kinda a lot for my mom. But I'm not expecting any of you to help. Just to listen, maybe offer up your own experiences and just simply tell me what you think.
well, the harsh reality is alot of people die wishing they had a chance to be out like you do :/ it would mean alot to many of the members here to be out, it would significantly better their lives if you think about it that way. Im not attacking you, I just think its better to appreciate and reflect on things that are worth being grateful for, rather than letting a perfectly good opportunity go to waste I think maybe the problem is the social anxiety, personally my parents dont accept me, neither does my oldest brother, but I have great friends and two other siblings who care for me. Although the family thing does get to me at times, there's nothing I really can do but live my life, I just take what I can and move on.
Yeah well some people are proud of being gay, happy even. Me it's just not like that. Ever since I came out and even before that I have always had the thought of "why me? Why did I have to be like this? I'm not happy" Sorry but it's not just the social anxiety. Yes it may play some role. I guess maybe I thought coming out would make things easier. And even thou the family is fine it still feels like "I don't want to be attracted to guys". It's horrible cuz it's been a year and a bit since I came out and I still have this thought. Yeah they makes sense but you could say that about everything. "Oh but remember there's someone out there in a worse situation than yours" and sorry I'm not being harsh but it doesn't make my problem any smaller or easier to deal with. Basically being gay isn't a choice and that's the problem
I'll offer another perspective: how about not focusing on being gay at all, and find other defining traits that define you as a person. Yeah, the loud and proud crowd might disagree with me, but you're under no obligation to rush into embracing your sexuality; it will come in time. Some people shout it from roof tops, while others are more, "Eh, it is what it is." In other words, before you realized and accepted you were gay, you had a name, you had a family, you had a place in this world, and in the greater scheme of things, it's really just one small difference between you and the guy next to you. Surely you have hobbies, dreams, and experiences outside of the realm of gayness? Also, it might behoove you to try and grow as a person, by building confidence and a sense of self-worth, first, and pride might follow shortly after. For one, you're ahead of many people who are less aware, so use that to your advantage! I'm not saying it will be easy or quick, or that you won't stumble a few times along the way, but if you're determined, you will come out stronger.
well the next thing is pretty much what gravechild said ^^^^^^^ I think there is this big illusion, that coming out magically makes your life amazing, it doesnt, you're still you except now theres just one thing you dont have to worry about, and that is acceptance from important people. and thats why I think the social anxiety is the problem, its the only thing you've said that might indicate a personal problem that stops you from interacting with people afterall you can only see yourself through the eyes of others, but how can you do that if you cant even say hi to people?
I suppose.... I guess I am making a big thing out of something I don't want to make a big of. It's just not sitting comfortable with me yet so I'll just put it to the back of my mind. I've accepted it can't change and I'm out so that's that. To sum up "It is what it is" Thanks for your insights
I don't know if I can give you the best advice because unlike you I'm not really out yet, but what is it you are not proud of? I think we are loaded with a lot of bullshit regarding how and what each of us are "supposed" to feel and we are far more complicated than that. And if you're an LGBT person there are a lot of latent homophobic cues that can get under your skin and mess with your sense of self, yes even in the most accepting countries in the world!! There's so much of subtext that still gets thrown our way about what it means to be gay and some of the images are ones of being: superficial, slight, non intellectual, promiscuous..... and those are the lighter ones! So don't feel bad about the way you feel. I think we often balk at shame and I really don't think that is helpful at all, shame can teach us about ourselves and allow us to come to grips with who were are ON OUR TERMS!!
I don't know. It just doesn't feel right. Like I cant say "I'm gay and happy" because being gay has a lot of issues, problems and well it makes life hard due being judged and well just general life as making friends, relationship and sometimes work life. Although currently my work life is fine. I think it's just the feeling of the ideal, find a girl, marry etched etc just isn't possible. I dunno... Let's just gay has a lot of bad and not so much good in my opinion. But I guess it it what is so I'll just try forget it and get on with life.
It is interesting that you chose to come out before accepting yourself for who you are. I feel like most people come out only after coming to terms with the fact that being gay is a part of their being. I think you need to rise above society's judgement of gays and find your niche in an accepting gay community.
I understand how you feel. I've been out for more than three years and just a couple weeks ago I had this mini panic attack out of nowhere like "what? how am I going to live with a woman and be the only one? How am I going to be a mother? Why the hell did I have to be gay?". It's strange considering that most of the time I feel either proud or neutral. It's hard. It was VERY hard for me to come to terms with it especially coming from a conservative household. A lot of people don't realize how much character and bravery in general it takes to be out. Give yourself a pat on the back for being honest with every one around you. Think of it this way, you've made a good decision. Why? You are saving a future female lover for falling for you only to realize that you can never love her like that. And you are doing that despite of all the shit that comes with being pushed down by society to be gay. You know what that is? In a lot of ways it's heroic. And just think, you have a different perspective than you would have had if you weren't gay. You understand what it's like to grow up being forced to be repressed and ashamed of yourself. You know what it's like to be a minority. With that, you can care for and understand more deeply how other minorities may feel. That is empathy right there, and that is a powerful tool my friend. Whenever I feel down I think of the above^^ and remind myself that a lot of the "shit" we experience builds quite a bit of character and takes a lot of courage to overtake. I wish you all the best. Hugs
