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"Straight" Friend Comes On To Me Leaving Me Very Confused...Help!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by gaycollegeguy, Jan 18, 2014.

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  1. gaycollegeguy

    gaycollegeguy
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    Location:
    Mississippi
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So there is this guy that I have become very close to - he can safely be counted as my closest guy friend. I've known him for several months now and I never really got the impression that he was gay, but some of my friends have suspected. And I admit...I do have a crush on him, so I sort of hoped that he was, but you know I never brought it up in conversation. The other day, however, he asked me if I wanted to go out to grab lunch with him and of course I said yes. We talked for a while about how our Christmas breaks went & eventually we ended up on the topic of homosexuality. He started to talk to me about his beliefs towards it and how unaccepting his parents were of it. I told him how I came out and eventually we started talking about sexuality in general. He told me that for him he always had seen attraction as a two-sided thing: Emotional Attraction & Physical Attraction. He then admitted to me that while he identifies as straight, he had been physically attracted to guys before and even emotionally attracted to one guy he met this year (not me). He then went on to say that while he had had these kinds of feelings, he still identified as straight and could not imagine himself in a relationship with another guy.

    Later on that night, though, he invited me to his dorm room.When I got there, we talked for a while and he thanked me for listening to him earlier that day and admitted that I was the only person he had ever told that to. We hugged and he lay his head in my lap for a while - he was shaking and in his eyes he looked like he could cry at any moment. I just held onto him and was basically trying to comfort him. This was a big deal for him and I completely understood (heck, I've only been out for less than 6 months). This went on for a long while, probably well over 20 minutes.

    After a moment, he looked up to me - looked me in the eyes and said, "Can I?" (He wanted to kiss me). Naturally, I was all for it - I mean, I've had a crush on him for a while! We kissed for a little bit and then he told me that he didn't want to give me the "wrong impression" or "lead me on". He just felt that it was all part of "the moment" and he couldn't resist. He even admitted that he had wondered what it would be like to kiss me and then went on to say that my mouth tasted good. He told me that he wanted one more kiss which quickly led to us making-out for a while. Nothing happened past that and we told each other goodnight and I went back to my room. Needless to say, I'm very confused. Is he gay? Or did he just want to see what it would be like to kiss a guy? It's not like we gave each other peck kisses on the cheek, y'know? I'm so confused guys!!!

    ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2014 at 06:03 AM ----------

    Also do you think he is really all that interested in me? Or was he just testing the waters maybe - trying to test and discover more about his sexuality? (I'm pretty sure I'm the first guy he has ever kissed) (And on top of all of that we have been friends for a while)
     
    #1 gaycollegeguy, Jan 18, 2014
  2. Fourth Gate

    Fourth Gate
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    Looks to me like he was curious. I'm sorry to say this but even if he was gay or bisexual, he might not be into you. The state of mind he was in might also have been what made him want to try this, and when you see him the next time he might not be the same about it.
     
    #2 Fourth Gate, Jan 18, 2014
  3. gaycollegeguy

    gaycollegeguy
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    He asked me if I wanted to spend the night in his dorm tonight as well. (Until I switch to this current building, I have been spending the night with my some of my other friends) Do you think that means anything?
     
    #3 gaycollegeguy, Jan 18, 2014
  4. Fourth Gate

    Fourth Gate
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    Well then i would like to think that he is at least bisexual. But this doesn't change the fact that he might be curious about it and want to experiment. It's not certain that he has any feelings for you, if you're alright with this then go for it.
     
    #4 Fourth Gate, Jan 18, 2014
  5. confused1234

    confused1234
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    I think he is definitely curious and wants to experiment. The fact that after kissing you he invited you to stay in his dorm room is a pretty clear indication. I also think it is likely that he is gay.

    That being said though, he IS giving you the "wrong impression". Before you go any further with him, I think you should come clean about your crush on him. Otherwise, you may end up getting hurt. Just be honest with him. He has really opened up to you, and I think you owe it to him and yourself to do the same. Just keep an open line of communication.

    ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2014 at 10:25 AM ----------

    I should also add that even if he is gay, he may not have feelings for you. You may have simply been a "safe" person for him to open up to since you are gay and one of his good friends.
     
    #5 confused1234, Jan 18, 2014
  6. Andstillimhere7

    Andstillimhere7
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    All but family
    He's probably bisexual or bicurious, I know for sure he's attracted to guys, but it's possible he's bi.
     
    #6 Andstillimhere7, Jan 18, 2014
  7. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    He's at least some shade of bi. There were some straight guys in college whose offers I would have gladly taken up, and that would have been easy because they weren't friends. In this particular situation, because you are friends, I'd keep my distance, or at least a safe enough one, to make sure the situation doesn't get messy. I don't think this guy is all the way straight, for starters. I also think he's testing the waters, and he doesn't know where he stands on the big continuum of human sexuality.
     
    #7 Tightrope, Jan 18, 2014
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