I honestly don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do anymore. I talk to my psychologist and take medication and nothing seems to help. I have taken multiple medications and nothing takes what I'm feeling away. I'm very weird and quirky and I have multiple anxiety and mood disorders with psychotic features. Everyone in my family always brings me down (not always intentionally) and tells me that I will never get better if I don't do what I have to do to get better, but it's my motivation that is the problem. I hate myself so much and nothing/no one seems to help. :bang::tears: And on top of my mental issues, I'm having great difficulty being gay because all I want is to be happy and whenever I seem to finally be making some progress, the ground just collapses out from under me. I was finally able to be in a relationship which gave me a lot of confidence, but it ended quickly; just like all the other relationships that I've ever had. No one wants to listen to me and nobody cares. My dad even says that nobody cares about you except your family, but even they are always bringing me down. The relationship finally made me begin to accept myself a little bit, and I was able to come out to some people. Nothing has been going right for me. People will act like they give a shit and I pour my heart and soul out for them and then they always throw me under the bus. I want to escape more than anything just to ease the pain so that I can be happy, but I just can't do it no matter what I do.. Why has it been so hard for me for the past five years?!? It's just way too hard!!! :help:
Hey weathernerd447 =) Unfortunately I can't help you with your mental issues, since I'm no psychologist and don't know anything about anxiety or mood disorders. And I also can't help you with your difficulty with being gay, since I am still confused and didn't have to deal with the problems/challanges of being openly gay. Only things I can tell you are those: You don't need others to boost your confidence. Why did the relationship finally make you begin to accept yourself? I'm sure it was for features you always possessed, so why not hold on to that feeling of acceptance? That your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean your a total failure, it just means it wasn't supposed to be... And as to your thought that no one wants to listen and nobody cares, I'm pretty sure that there are people in your life who care about you! Give your friends the chance to support you. It's not always easy for people to listen to other peoples problems or to respond supportive or to give advice, that doesn't mean they don't care for you. Maybe try going baby steps with them? I myself know lots of friends of mine who wouldn't deal too well with me pouring my heart out to them, but I still know that they care for me and understand to some extend what I'm going through when I'm having a hard time, showing it with small gestures or stuff instead of talking me through it or offering advice... I'm really sorry you had a rough time those past few years, but don't give up, it's going to get better. Your time will come eventually. And remember that you're not alone, there are people who care about you, even if they might not be able to show it everyday, they still love you for who you are!
Thanks you! It means more than I can ever say to hear you say that!! I just wish that things could be easier because the nature of my illness is that it tends to push people away from me and not want to be around me; even my friends, and that makes it even harder to cope with my mental issues and being gay because I feel like when I try to talk to them I always end up messing it up even when I try really hard. And the relationship boosted my confidence because I felt like I finally found someone who would always be there for me and never let me down like so many people have; but obviously I was wrong. I felt like I had someone who could truly support me and stand by me and stand up to people who say that being gay is wrong. But now that he's gone, it feels like someone turned the lights out on me, and I'm groping around trying to find a direction to go; lost and alone in the dark.
Did you ever tell your friends about the nature of your illness? Knowing about an illness and about the "symptoms" (maybe not the right choice of words, but you know what I mean...) makes it a whole lot easier to deal with. So if your friends knew about you not meaning anything bad by pushing them away they might be more understanding or could react better to it?! Does that make sense? This really sucks, he must have hurt you really bad and there's really not much I can say other than I'm really sorry :icon_sad: You know, there is nothing wrong with not heading in any direction at all once in a while. Taking a break and a deep breath to clear your head. The sun will shine again eventually, you just have to give yourself and your heart the time to heal (easier said than done, I know...) As I mentioned before, I never had to deal with any problems related to being out since I'm not, so I guess all I can offer you here are thoughts by someone looking from the outside in... People who say that being gay is wrong... I don't know what to say, actually, that just makes me mad :tantrum:. This narrowmindedness towards everything that's uncommon or wrong in their eyes :eusa_doh:. Maybe just try to ignore those people? I don't know if explaining the concept that love is love no matter between whom will do any good? If you talk about people you know better like family or friends maybe you could simply ask them why they think being gay is wrong? I'm pretty sure most people reacting anti-gay never even really thought about it, but just adopted the (unfortunately) most common belief that it is wrong. When challenged to think about it, they might realize it's actually normal and perfectly okay to be gay. If they begin to justify their opinion by quoting the bible :bang:, I can tell you, there are some pretty good comebacks on the internet, totally worth looking up :icon_wink As for the "someone who could truly support me"-part: Do you have any LGBT-friends? It doesn't necessarily have to be a partner who supports you on this. Maybe you could join a LGBT group or something, most of the people there might have encountered the feeling of having to defend themselves. (&&&) (So do most people here on EC, but I meant for "Real Life People" who are actually in your town or something...) This got quite lengthy, sorry. And I admit that I might have gotten carried away a bit and am guilty of emoticon-overuse in the last paragraph, but, you know...
