Okay - so this is just one of those days when I have had enough. I have to admit that I not only have stupid friends but that I am stupid for having ever called them friends and a complete idiot for not having dumped them a long time ago. Idiot #1 has four kids by four fathers and yet has the gall to always base her bigotries and bias on "I'm a Catholic and I was raised..." Well, honey since you were married once and he was daddy to baby #2 and baby #3 was fathered by someone else while you were still married to hubby and baby #4 was when you were single...your not such a wonderful freaking Catholic are ya? This self-righteous cow has had the first three kids taken away because she was such a lousy excuse for a parent. Kid #1 was raised by her parents and kids 2 and 3 were raised by her ex. Kid #4 got this crap end of the stick and was raised by her. At 17 this girl hunted up her father and got him to start court proceedings to get custody because her mom sucked at parenting so much. She has been gone for five years. She just came back to IdiotMomma's house about a month ago. She has been drunk most of the time since she got back and has turned up preggers (at least third time) and is trying to decide between abortion or keeping the baby. IdiotMomma who has been crying non-stop for five years "I would do ANYTHING to get my baby girl back" instead of being supportive and trying to HELP her kid decide what to do has put her foot down and told her kid "if you want an abortion you have to get the hell back to your father because I wont ever look at you again if do it." - - - Abortion pro or con I dont care. Parent should put the kid first and maybe if that had happened your 22 yr old would not be a drunken mess who gets knocked up by a near-enough-to-call-it stranger. Idiot #2 - Okay this lady is a far more "respectable" sort. Soft spoken and gentle as a lamb. Her husband is a very nice man. Her three kids are growing up to be very nice young adults. We had begun the paperwork to put these people in our wills as secondary/backup guardians for our daughter should something happen to my hubby and I and my Mom as well. CLOSE CALL on that! She recently posted a thingy about what a shame mean ole A&E suspended that hateful jerk from Duck Dynasty. "FREE SPEECH" and all that crap. Some of her friends went on a rant about how he was just standing up for "family values" and they were the family values we should all be standing up for blah blah blah bile stupidity blah. My hubby commented that the dude was spewing hate and needed more than suspension. Idiot #2 unfriended hubby. OOOOkay. Today she posted that she had made crawfish something or other and I just saw freaking red. The "bible based family values" that Duck jerk was spouting on about are based on Leviticus. In Leviticus it also says eating shellfish is a sin. I wanted so bad to just copy the verse and put it on her post. I dont want to be a petty mean bitch but I sure feel like hitting these hypocrites over the head with their own stupidity. AND THESE ARE MY OLDEST FRIENDS. What does it say about me that my two oldest friends are both lame and I have put up with Idiot #1 for 24 years and Idiot #2 for over 7 years. Heck, okay, so Idiot #2 did not show up to be quite this crap until recently but still. I can never call either one of these people and say "I have a problem, do you have time to listen?" and expect a "sure honey, tell me all about it." I listen to their crap. I bite my tongue when I don't agree and have already said I don't but they are not listening. I supported them both through illness and hardships galore. Idiot #1 helped me out hugely 20 years ago but it has mostly gone the other direction before and since. I do not have the comfort of their friendship but I do get the stress part. Hubby says it is time to dump the pair of them. I am almost at that point myself. I have done surgical removal of jerks from my life before but for some reason these two have always been passed over. I really, really don't know if I am too cold hearted and that is why I have been able to end other unhealthy relationships easily or too soft hearted/headed and that is why I am having trouble ending these. Idiot #1 is just screwing up her own and her kids' lives. She does not impact my life beyond computer and/or phone. Well, except for the stress. She stresses me out endlessly. Idiot #2 - she is pissing me off. She is one of the very very few adults who has been trusted with my kid's facebook. Crap, I did not even think of that. My daughter might have seen that stupid post. Okay, that solves that. She is getting blocked tonight from kiddo's FB. Just wrote that note to self. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR Okay, so, vent has let off steam and built up some more. I really really can't think of WHY. Why have I held on to friends who give so very little, take so very much, and PISS ME OFF so very often?
"What does it say about me that my two oldest friends are both lame and I have put up with Idiot #1 for 24 years and Idiot #2 for over 7 years. Heck, okay, so Idiot #2 did not show up to be quite this crap until recently but still. " That you're a hell of a lot more tolerant than you give yourself credit for? That you put a lot of effort for almost no reward? That you've spent years trying your hardest to be the best possible friend you can be?
What should I do now? I mean a huge part of me is saying "enough is enough" and I am feeling the urge to vent not about them but TO them. Another part is thinking I should just keep on drifting along letting things be. I know I have anger issues. I know I can be cold and just end things. I also have forgiveness issues where I do tend to hold on to the past and not let bygones be bygones. That is a huge part of the problems with Idiot #1. I also have guilt issues. I was raised where my father, grandmother, and sister were always allowed to say and do anything, however mean, and expected to be instantly forgiven and all to be forgotten but if my mother, grandfather, or I said or did anything even slightly unapproved of then we were mean, awful, stupid, evil people. Anytime my sister would torment me to the point of snapping she would then tell me that I was crazy because she had just been playing and I was yelling and being a bitch. I get pissed, I say or do something, I then feel like the world's crappiest person. OR I don't say anything and I just feel like a wimp that is always getting crapped on. I have really been looking at the people in my life a lot lately. Other than my husband, daughter and mother I have NO ONE that I can talk to completely honestly. My "friends" either don't care or I know they are going to be vile over everything I am wanting to talk about right now. My sister just had a snot attack when I was telling her my daughter has been dressing Goth. LOL I can just imagine her reaction if I told her my kiddo was bi. That would be so much fun - NOT. I am feeling a load of resentment over how hypocritical so many of these people are because I remember their lives and believe me they have absolutely no room to talk about other peoples lives in any critical way at all. They all seem to overlook their own pasts and have painted over them with a facade of perfection. They definitely all are full of judgement and overloaded with snark. I came to this site because I want to make sure I am saying and doing the right things to both support and protect my daughter. I am so happy to have found this place and these people. But it has really made me wonder why I have to go to strangers. How small is my life that I have no one in it that I can talk to? I try to always do the right things in my life to set an example for my daughter. She shows signs everyday that for the most part I am doing a pretty good job. She had problems in her dance class last June when she found out that some older girls were bullying a classmate of hers. We then found out that the teacher not only condoned it but was egging it on and to some extent participating. My daughter said she would never go back to that dance class again and made sure that her classmate knew that she was a terrific person who deserved better. My kid has a heart and courage to back up her beliefs. YAY! But I have noticed that she also has only a couple close friends and she tends to drop people out of her life rather easily. Am I helping her be strong and only keep close those who are a true and right fit in her life. Or am I teaching her to be too callous and to drop people too easily? Anger and guilt. Self protection vs seclusion. If a person does not make me feel comfortable enough to be myself then they do not truly like ME because I am not being me when I am with them. We live in such a small conservative area where there really are very few "different" people. We had an African-American FedEx driver and used to wonder exactly how safe he was in this area. When we were looking for property in the area several years ago I asked a real estate agent what the crime rates were like. He actually said "we have no crime because we don't let (n-word) in." There is the website Topix were the scary locals post scary crazy stuff. Yeah, so not a good place to make open minded friends. My husbands father and step mother are the most close-minded people on the planet. They only have that title since my dad passed away but they would have given him a run for his money. There is really no one in my or my husbands families that either of us would talk to over something important to us. Not one person other than my mother has ever babysat my kid. Ever. Not once in nearly 13 years. If I wouldn't let them change her poopy diapers then you can safely bet I would not seek a conversation about her life with them. I met a really nice woman this fall. She is fun to hang out with. I was really enjoying being around her and kind of feeling like "wow she is easy to talk to (fingers crossed) maybe??" Then I overheard her talking to someone else about interracial couples and she said "I don't care what they do between themselves but they shouldn't have kids." AAAAARRRRGGGG okay. Stonewall. No need to get too comfortable with this lady. LOL - I really need to win the lottery so I pack up and move. Anyone know anywhere that is country but has people that are not conservative anti-everything-different-to-me types? Anyone want to give me that winning lottery ticket? Head-desk. Circles running circles around the circles in my head. I really hate when I get in super-over-thinking-it mode. Gonna shut up now.
" But it has really made me wonder why I have to go to strangers. How small is my life that I have no one in it that I can talk to? " I'll finish reading your post in a second but before I do I MUST address this point. I have two questions for you. 1. Why is this YOUR fault? 2. Why is it a bad thing? You know what's great about us strangers? The only reason we are here on this forum is because at some point or another we needed help. We needed help and we got it. We got it here because we couldn't get it anywhere else, either because nobody else understood or nobody else cared. Is that our fault? Of course it isn't. I mean from what you've posted you can't tell me you haven't made an effort to make and keep good, strong friendships. You've DONE your bit. If you're not getting it back, why should you seek the help of people who WILL listen and who MIGHT understand what you're going through? That isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection on the situation you find yourself in. It's a reflection of all the circumstances beyond your control, because if YOU had control over them you probably wouldn't feel like we were your only option for help. Don't tell yourself there is something wrong with YOU just because you're here asking help from strangers. Back to reading... am I teaching her to be too callous and to drop people too easily? What purpose do other people serve in our lives? Why do we try to surround ourselves with people? Because we want to feel good and to be able to share that with others. If someone is making our lives miserable, what purpose do they serve? As long as your daughter understands that it is important to give people a chance, and not to dismiss people immediately because they don't see eye to eye, then you are doing right by her, as far as I can see. You are completely right, if you have no time for people with views like that, then why should you waste it?
ElliaOtaku - today you are really and truly loved beyond words. Thank you. Self doubt sucks. I completely believe my kid comes first all the time and in all ways. EVERYTHING I do has meaning in shaping her world. So everything I do wrong or might do wrong or blah blah. It is so easy to question, doubt, and blame myself. Thank you for pulling me back from the "I'm screwing this up" ledge. LOL I needed that.
