Hey yall I kinda just realized something about myself... I tend to always fall in love with those who are emotionally broken and need help.. I tend to play a savior/victim role. Every single I guy I loved, I helped through some crap for a long time, and then when I wanted help, I got it too but not near enough as I wanted.. Which caused resentment, and then caused fights, and then waiting in pain for the person to come back around to me. Always waiting and willing to help. It always seemed to me that I was the one who saved and then got stabbed after everything was said and done, But the whole situations I see are an ego trip in themselves. I thought I was the selfless person helping and healing, then getting hurt. But I see that I take that role and set myself up to feel bad, I like the feeling that someone needs me and then I hold it to the other person to help me back wholeheartedly. I realized this now, I am in an actual relationship now with someone who can give me love back... But now I am in the same damn situation. He is having issues right now and I am right here all the time for him helping and encouraging, Giving everything I've got to feel like I am important and loved and needed. But I can sense I won't get it back. What do I do? I am aware I do this now, I want to improve this. Am I a sick person? :help:
I go through this all the time and while it's easier to give advice, it's harder to take the advice if you are the one in the unfair relationship. You know what you want in a partner and if he isn't able to give you what you want then you should walk away... Never allow someone to string you along.
Yep, that protector/comforter status is alluring. But in an equal relationship, it does end up feeling unfair if you do a lot of helping for insufficient return. If somebody needs constant emotional support, maybe it's better to do it with a little bit of space between. :/
Don't be with the one you love, be with the one who loves you. Give that person the same advice. No. You believe in karma and fate too much. You think that if you sacrifice enough, someone will love you. Life isn't fair.
jvn95, Theres a word that describes what you do perfectly. Codependency....being codependent in your relationship to the point where, as this WebMD article I've included states, "the relationship is more important to you than you are to yourself." Signs of a Codependent Relationship You are the "fixer". You help someone out with their problems "being selfless", empathizing with their issue to the point where their problems become your own. NOT HEALTHY! Of course you care for them, and want to help them, but overdoing it, doesn't help really help them become a stronger person if you did it all for them. You can google codependency and read more on it if you'd like, I'd help you out more and include some more information here, but I cant, why? yep...I'm a fixer too lol ..not healthy...need to keep a healthy balance ...I led you to water, now its up to you to drink. GOOD LUCK! P.S. And no, this doesn't make you a sick person. You sound like a kind and loving person. Its about making a few changes to enjoy healthier relationships and thus, a happier life.
Wow that is freaky accurate Thank you. The good thing is that It doesn't look like I am in too deep to resolve this the best way I can, and if it works out then good. If not then alright
