Straight but totally Lesbian

I had posters of rappers on my wall when I was a teenager because I was obsessed with rap music back then, and now it can't stand it but I never went out on dates and rarely showed interest in guys. I would occasionally tell a family member/friend that I think this boy is cute but NEVER EVER wanted to have sex with one. And now that I'm a lot older I wish I never had any posters up at all because my parents assume I'm straight and that really sucks

---------- Post added 22nd Jan 2014 at 09:53 PM ----------

I was never 'boy crazy' though, just I thought some boys were good looking that's it but I also checked out the girls in the hallways at school

 

Yes, that sounds a lot like me. I always found girls pretty/attractive, but I never considered myself a lesbian. I guess my first real clue was when I developed a crush on both a male and female instructor in college. I think that's part of what shocked my mom so much when I came out because she said, "You didn't used to be at all." But it's hard to come out, even to yourself, when you are told you have to be a certain way. I think I suppressed my sexuality so far that even I couldn't find it. It took me a lot of time, research and acceptance to finally be me.

 

Yes, I thought i was so into that guy from glee, Puck but like then I realized I only appreciated how handsome he was but I could never picture him being inside of me plus I was also really into Quinn from that show too so yeah I guess even then my feelings cannot lie.

 

I did. I was 100% convinced I was heterosexual. Later, I was completely gay, The was no period of bisexuality and confusion, even though I was actually bi when I was certain I was straight.

 

no

 

Yes, attraction to the same sex was completely unexpected for me. I wouldn't say I was boy crazy though. I had posters of guys from bands and I also had posters of female singers that I admired, like Avril Lavigne.

 

Yes I had posters of take that and Robbie Williams on my wall and fancied them and wanted to marry them but not now lol

 

All I can say is that I tried so hard to be straight that I am well-versed in how to act as though I am. I know what to notice on a guy, who might be cute, etc., but I had to stop because I was losing my mind.

 

Sorry but this is long .
I had same sex attraction ever since I was a little girl my first kiss was with a girl and at that time it felt right , she kinda tricked me to get me to kiss her by saying if I kissed her it would be good for me because I would be able to get a boyfriend but after kissing her I did not want a boyfriend I later developed feelings for her which would upset her because she would tell me it's just kissing you don't have to be all serious about it . I also had crushes on my childhood friend and her cousin that I would play with . Later I was forbidden to see them because her parents would not let me play with them and even went far as locking their gate so we would spend time talking through the gate until her grandmother yelled at me and told me to never come back again . I later got caught kissing the other girl that I shared my first kiss with and being beaten for it by my dad . After that i tried my hardest to be straight I remember some guy was bathing out side naked and I spied on him I thought if I did i would probably like what I see and not think about girls anymore but I got caught before he got all the way naked . At 10 years old I had my first male crush it was on a celebrity, my cousins also liked the guys so I would join in and talk about the guy I liked . For a while i didn't think I liked women because I had this crush but there was a two girls that I couldn't forget about my child room friend who i was forced to stop playing with , we never talked anymore but i would constantly look at her through my window when she came outside , as she grew older she became more beautiful , I use to think I was only interested in her because I missed our friendship but now that I'm adult I realized it was a lot more , so I thought nothing of it . Later on had a crush on an Asian guy that was a family friend he would go for walks and pass by our house I would think what a handsome man . after that I thought i was straight , still i had crushes on female friends even a girl that was 2 years younger than me she looked up to me because I was older and we would talk to each other and I remember she became angry with me about something i can't remember what but I remember begging her not to stop being friends with me and she got upset because I covered her mouth because she refused to listen to me and she never talked to me again . I still managed to convince myself that I was straight this spite these crushes because I thought they were just admiration or friendship . I didn't have crushes on any of the guys at my school and I told myself it's probably because they are childish that I don't like them and I like older men . In high school i also had two crushes I remember liking these two guys that were handsome I remember one guy telling me how he liked studying medicine , I also had a love for science and believe it or not I liked him because of this i found it very cool that a handsome guy cared so much about school so I thought I liked him we never dated and only remained friends . the other guy did not like me at all but we became friends I had a huge crush on him because he was so good looking but I could never picture myself having sex with men I had a crush on . I just thought that maybe i just didn't like sex .
for years I did not have a same sex attraction and felt pretty much asexual at times , I thought i was unable of loving people and for years I would go through life with out falling for a guy , At age 16 I met a Japanese guy that was very handsome , I remember crushing on him and I would try to speak with him in Japanese but my Japanese was not very good back then either was his English so we would stop talking to each other when we ran out of words . I also had same sex attraction to the other Japanese female students ruled off as just wanting to be their friend . My friend had a party and we later met , I remember the guy had a crush being so cold too me and sometimes mean , but I was thinking I want him to like me soo bad . When he was leaving to go back to Japan we took a picture together and he told he liked me and that's why he was acting cold .
he gave me his number but i never called him back for some reason . For a while i thought I was only attracted to Japanese men thinking Oh that's why I don't like much men because I only like Japanese men but even then I had a crush on a girl who was also Japanese named Seiyaka and so did my other female friend she said she even wanted to have sex with seiyaka and asked if any of us knew how to have lesbian sex . another girl also admitted she felt the same way about seiyaka I also felt the same way too but never admitted it I just thought maybe i"m just perverted and it was nothing more . During my junior year of high school I started having same sex crushes like crazy but I just thought it was hormones and i was just going nuts I remember coming home and complaining about girls boobs to my mom but I would complain how my boobs were small and theirs were bigger and i don't feel much like a girl and I couldn't stand how the girls would just so slutty showing their boobs off and it would upset me . my said that maybe one day my boobs would get bigger and I won't feel so jealous I would get upset at girls and even yell at them for dressing in revealing clothing , I thought I was upset because I was jealous but I realized I was upset because I was attracted to them and I really did not care about my breast size . I started doing cyber sex with guys online it kinda convinced me I was straight even though I still had same sex attraction and it was getting stronger . But while doing cyber sex with guys I would get bored after a while and later on I would not get turned on at all but I just thought maybe I'm poly and like having a bunch of guys around so I had other cyber sex partners that were male . I probably had cyber sex with half the guys on that role playing site maybe more than half . I also earned a reputation of being a slut by other players . I also met a guy who fell in love with me on that site but I could never feel the same way about him or any of the guys i met I cheated on him with a bunch of guys He later found out and became furious with me wondering why did I do it , I remember telling him i think something is wrong with me I just cant' connect with people and every time i have to get a different guy to feel good.
He forgave me and took me back but asked me to never cheat on him again . But I cheated he caught me because he use his friend to trap me and our relationship was over he still hates me to this day . When i was 19 I met this other guy who was Japanese we met in person and exchanged numbers before going out with , we kept in touch with each through texting and the emails . Our relationship only lasted for 2 weeks I got upset because he kissed some girl while drunk , I was really in love him back then to the point where i wanted to marry him he was very good looking . His personality though was terrible sometimes he can be as sweet as pie then turn as cold as ice . I remember after we broke up I called him back telling him I still want to be with him and he said no I don't want you back I remember calling him every day and every night trying to get him to take me back . It got so bad even his friend had to tell me to stop calling so much .
I really thought I was straight because of this but I was lonely back then and would take love from anyone , I wouldn't think I was lesbian in a million years after all of that . specially if your ex boyfriend gives you a nickname as crazy bitch that keeps calling me

 

Sounds like me, I always crushed on guys but pushed away same sex crushes, now I realise the guys I liked were all rather feminine and mostly gay"

Basically I go for the same physical types in girls and guys mostly ... Sounds confusing it I mean in terms of looks and features !

 

I thought everyone thought like me.....so I was convinced I was straight because I knew no other way existed
I had a poster of the Backstreet Boys and of the Spice Girls and i thought I liked Kevin from the BSB, but I just liked his eyes.
I also thought many women were very pretty, but again I assumed everyone was that way. I only got my first boyfriend because some guy told my friend that he thought I was really pretty and she told me i should be his gf. I was 13. Then he tried to kiss me and i got grossed out by it.
Eventually I realized my female friends liked the opposite sex a lot more than I did....and no one else thought our english teacher was a beautiful as I did.

 

Perhaps not "all out straighter than a straight straightener", but I always thought I was a straight guy growing up, when I was a Bi/Pansexual girl all along. The world is weird

 

Yes so much. I just always assumed I was straight without questioning it. But I wasn't really that physically attracted to guys, so I remember trying really hard lol. Like constantly talking about hot movie starts at like 12, but only talking about them after hearing others say they were hot so I knew I was right lmao (I even remember going through a Taylor Lautner phase. Loved him.)

I really convinced myself for a while, I got a bit boy crazy for a while and really though I liked guys, but when it came to non-movie stars, I only ever commented on girls, haha. I didn't think anything of it, but all my friends knew I was bisexual, at the very least. Them mentioning that just made me more frustrated though and desperate to seem straight, I think xD

(By the way, I'm not exactly a lesbian...but my preference for girls is extremely overwhelming. I have a boyfriend, and love him, but it's a very special circumstance, I doubt I'll date any more guys if we were to break up. They just aren't very appealing physically xD)

 

Yeah, my brother is all, "BUT YOU DATED HIM!!!" and I'm just like, "Yeah, you've been in theater, right? IT'S THE SAME THING."

 

When I was a kid, I didn't think it much of an option for me to be gay, so I really kinda just pushed it to the back of my mind heheh. But JEEZ if someone uttered the word gay or there was something with a gay couple on tv (which wasn't very often back in the very late 90's and earlier 2000's that I was aware of as a lil boy) I would get SO anxious nervous and awkward, I TELL ya!

I remember watching Chuck and Larry with my mom sis step mom and my dad and at one scene I think there was this man that like jumped into this other guy's arms or kissed him or something to that effect, and me, already like trembling anxiously throughout the whole movie, I blurted out "man, I could never do thaaat..." in the most doubtful, unconvincing, anxious, awkward voice EVER (I was prob 15 at the time) and none of my family said anything in response and my body got so hot with anxiety I had to leave, go get some water, and just BREATHE @_@

 

HA yes! I had this really really awful twilight poster , and a couple of band posters. It was the things I said that really made me sound straight. Slutty, also, I guess, but really most of it was just talk. I made tons and tons of sex jokes. In a conservative and religious area, it was totally taboo to play the 'penis' game, where someone would start out whispering 'penis'and the next person a little louder, and the next a little louder, until PENIS!! Rang out crisp and clear through the halls at school. Or at walmart. Or McDonalds. It was awesome. It was immature, but I was never going to fit in with those other kids, so what the hell. Everybody thought I slept with all the boys I hung out with. They sure did try, but in the end I only slept with one. There were no fireworks.

 

I used to kiss girls when I was 3 or 4. I thought it was fine, as long as I pretended to be a boy. 4 year old logic is weird.

Then I learned I wasn't allowed to do that so I stopped. I only had "crushes" (mostly just admiration) on really feminine men. Then around 12 or 13 I was "bi".

Then I had my first serious boyfriend in 8th grade. I always just though of him as a bro. Kissing him was gross, but I just kept repressing the gay feelings.

Now I'm 100% sure I'm gay. ride: