Today with a friend, she and I had a discussion about boundaries and people who cross them and get "too touchy" (in an incredibly invasive almost criminal way). Some where down the conversation line she mentioned that it is more OK for a gay man to grope women even if the woman herself says no, than it is if a straight man were to do the same thing. In my opinion, I don't quite care what label some one uses to denote their sexuality; in my opinion, crossing a line without some one's consent is crossing a line. Period. No matter if you are gay, straight, bi or attracted to the person or not, I still think it's crossing a line. She insisted that that's not the case and that gay men to women (I don't know why she never mentioned lesbians or bis) doing the same thing shouldn't be taken too seriously. What are your thoughts on the matter?
I don't like it if anyone even a girl touches me in an uncomfortable way . I had this one straight guy friend that tried to touch my breast once that pretty much ended the friendship but even if he was gay I would still be upset . Currently there is this girl on my job that's bi and sometimes she touches me but there like hugs and sometimes she rubs my back but I like it so I don't care .
Eh, I think it's a matter of personal preference, not necessarily an "unsettling idea" unless she is forcing you to be touched too. As you say it's a matter of consent...clearly your friend is granting consent by saying she is okay with a gay guy touching her. Many girls are okay with gay guys getting more touchy with them as opposed to a straight guy...on the other side of the coin is that many girls like to get touchy with gay guys, especially drunken straight girls at gay bars who don't respect the boundaries of gay guys who don't want to be touched by them. You've gotten the core idea right, that it's a matter of consent...but consent is an individual matter. It's up to you to consent to you being touched by anyone else, just like it's up to your friend to consent to her being touched by anyone else, the difference is she seems to be granting consent to gay guys touching her. The gay, straight, male, female thing is all pretty irrelevant, the point is each individual has his or her own right to determine consent as to who they allow to touch their bodies.
I've read some interesting essays on this topic, basically arguing that some gay guys will act just as, if not more, entitled to touch women's bodies without their consent because they can't mean anything by it. It's gross and totally unacceptable.
I agree. I don't touch people's breasts, groin or near that region; man, woman, asexual, bisexual, straight whatever unless I get consent. Period.
Hmmm...I wonder what other crimes my sexuality allows me to commit? Let's find out! On a more serious note, touching someone's private bits without their consent is wrong no matter what sexualities are involved.
I actually saw a meme the other day which I guess kind of highlights what you said. It said some thing like: lesbian problems: when straight girls touch you inappropriately because that's how "they play". LOL You gotta love society's tendency for equating all female interactions as non-sexual by default and the loose definition of what defines a heterosexual woman, which is one that can have "homosexual" thoughts, have as many lesbianic escapades as possible (because lesbian sex isn't real, haven't you heard?), prefer the female form, stare/grope other women and comment about how she's not attracted to the male form "because women are less visual" (which realistically translates to women are forced to be sexually repressed and "pure virgins" allocated exclusively to the straight male dating pool despite what she really thinks). The opposite is true for men who are held at a standard where they can barely even share emotions or embrace one another without suspect of sexual undertones and the question of "are you gay?". Strange world we live in.
I just feel like I need to touch on this for a moment while I respond to the actual original question. The OP was talking about people crossing boundaries and getting "too touchy". Not about consent and personal preference, but about crossing that line. And then (bolding mine) To *me* it sounds like the OP's friend was expressing the (certainly unsettling) opinion that even if a woman doesn't want to be touched, it's okay if it's by a gay man. The concept that if someone identifies as *not* being sexually attracted to your gender, it's completely acceptable if they invade your privacy and personal space, regardless of what you want. Of course it's a matter of consent when it comes down to individuals. But when someone makes a broad statement about people in general, as the OP's friend did, it's not really about consent-by-individual. I personally think the OP's friend is a little creepy for thinking that way, and I personally wouldn't trust that person very far.
