Hi everyone, I'm considering joining the LGBT group at my university but like I'm not sure how these university club things work since I don't start until like end of February so I want to know that if I join would it be like some anonymous thing cause I don't want my boyfriend to know that I'm in the LGBT group since like he's going to the same university as me and I'd prefer it if he thought I was straight since he's so sweet and is always buying me lots of presents, I don't want to hurt him and I like him too. If it isn't one of those anonymous things would I still be able to join without anyone outside the LGBT group knowing? I really want to meet others in the LGBT community but I don't want to come out yet until I'm comfortable with letting others know.
Many of my friends first went to the LGBT club meetings while they were still publicly identifying as straight. They just said that they were allies. If you do tell people, you could always stress that you are not yet out and that you are in a relationship. If you could find contact info about the group, you could always contact them and find out more about the group. Another option is to look into the possibility of your campus having an LGBTQ center. There, they have all sorts of resources, and you can have confidential meetings with a person that has been trained in LGBT issues. (At least, that's how it is at my college.) So, if the group does not work out, that could be a second option if your campus has a center.
When people join do other people know you're a member? and it would be hard for me to say I'm an ally too cause being a Catholic has always been a huge part of my identity so that would bring up some questions even if I've never antagonized anyone for being apart of the LGBT community. Also how do you join these things cause I'm like clueless with how to join the clubs, would everyone be around when you sign up? My boyfriend's a good guy and is kind of clueless but even he would have questions for me joining the LGBT group.
I have been involved with them for a while. Most run "safe spaces" where you can talk and the others agree not to talk it about it with others. Its nice if you are not out yet. A lot of the times they do stuff on identity (like workshops), they have social stuff you can make friends with other LGBT people (which helped me alot) and increasingly they do a lot on health specially for gay men. Most will have this militant political element in them but you can avoid that if you want. I kinda enjoyed that bit especially being involved when equal marriage was becoming a reality for people in England. Edit - You are worried identifying as a Catholic would be a bad thing? They wouldn't care most LGBT love allies etc.
That does sound nice, in those "safe spaces" are members like not public? also can you not be public but still apart of the group? Also I meant like if friends or my boyfriend found out I was in the LGBT group and I told them I joined cause I'm an ally that it probably wouldn't fly with them cause I'm a Catholic plus my friends use to antagonize everyone for anything including if they were apart of the LGBT community so I don't think they would understand why I would be in it.
You could probably ask their members not to tell other people by saying that you aren't out yet. I'm sure they'd probably understand. Otherwise, it would be worth contacting this group (do they have a telephone number or an email address or something?) and asking 'are you anonymous or would people be able to see if I join you?' I know that the LGBT group at the uni I am going to is anonymous to anyone outside the group but some may not be so you should probably check if privacy is important to you.
I definitely agree with contacting the society first and explaining your situation - ask the format of the meetings, and where they meet. See if you could go along to meetings without other people you know finding out. You could also contact the lesbian and gay switchboard (you'd be able to find it out on a search engine). They might be able to find local non-Uni LGBT groups and support. Also, have you thought about speaking to your boyfriend about your feelings, or at least some understanding friends of yours? I think you might feel a lot better about things if you can talk to people you know as well. Not every situation is the same, but a lot of times our fears about things are a lot worse than they are. I come from a Christian family, so I know it's not always easy (I doubt I will ever come out to my grandparents, for example). But there are decent people out there, and life is short. Telling people close to me has been really liberating.
As of now I don't think I have understanding friends, I'm pretty sure all of them would sell me out and as for my boyfriend he's so incredibly sweet and I doubt he even suspects that I might be into other girls so he'll feel totally betrayed plus it's not like I don't like him, he's like the exception compared to all the other guys I've dated and he's so incredibly pretty. I know I'll probably have to dump him eventually so I can explore having a relationship with other women but of now he's kind of all I have that's supportive and I don't think I can let that go just yet. My parents would probably disown me like my brother when he got some girl pregnant at 16 so their out of the question until I find my own place. I'll look into the switchboard thing as well also thanks for the advice.
